A
male
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*avid Lewis
writes:I recently split with my fiancee as she was unfaithful. After making the decision to take her back, she changed her ways completely for the worse. She acts totally unbelievable and uncaring. She would tell me she was in love with me more than ever, but would act more distant than she ever was. I worry now, because I feel as though I am starting to hate her because of the way she acts towards me. The respect has gone, she has became very sarcastic, the love or desire shown is non existent. She speaks bluntly and when we speak on the phone, it seems like she just cant wait to hang up. Yet she still says she is in love with me and wants to be with me.I have finished her again and made up my mind that I will NEVER take her back, but I hate myself for these feelings of hatred. I have never loved anybody the way I loved her.Can love REALLY turn to hate?
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (2 January 2007):
David Lewis is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks Manya, that means a lot.
Me and Ellie are just good friends at the moment. I kissed her, but was overwhelmed by guilt. I felt like I was the one cheating on my ex.
My ex and I have been talking, but the more we talk, the more I know we could never be together again. I feel that she does not really know what love is. Maybe one day she will find true love and feel the same about him as I did about her. I wish her the best of luck. I know that she will realise one day just how much I loved her. Its her loss though, she is sure to realise what she threw away.
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (2 January 2007):
David,
Thank you for the update! Am so glad to hear that things are looking up for you again. You are so giving and perceptive and funny, too, on the website here, that I can't imagine you being alone... best of luck with your new development.
You deserve great happiness!
Manya
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (18 December 2006):
David Lewis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a quick update, a close friend of mine has been supporting me through my break up. We are really close now and she is hinting at a relationship now. I realise I can be happy again thanks to Ellie. We are going to just take things slowly for the time being.
Thanks for all your support, you are all wonderful.
xx
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (13 December 2006):
David Lewis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again Sally and Manya.
I have been thinking about how I feel about her and realise that love and hate are basically the same thing. The feelings can often overwhelm you, make you happy and sad at the same time, can fill your heart with utmost desire. They are both extreme opposites of emotion, yet are exactly the same thing, IMO anyway. No wonder people can get confused.
The more I think of this, the more I realise that these feelings of hatred are a subconscious way of trying to mend the pain I am suffering. I think I realise I am very much still in love with her, probably moreso now than ever, because now I have to try to contemplate my life without her being part of it.
Part of me wants her banished from my memory, but I feel as though the rest of me is just waiting for a phone call, promising that all will be ok.
When I was with her, it was like I was living in a dream world, but now I am in a nightmare from which I will never wake.
I know there must be somebody out there who would treat me the way I would treat them, but I don't think I could love anybody else in the way I love her.
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A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (12 December 2006):
 Good luck David. Much respect to you for getting out. A fine example to us all! I hope it won't be long before someone special comes into your life and replaces her. We all know on this site that you have a warm heart that deserves a caring and compassionate soulmate.
Don't look back...
-Sally
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A
female
reader, Manya +, writes (12 December 2006):
David, I felt so sad when I read all the Q. and A.s about your situation.They say there's a thin line between love and hate, and sometimespeople say that they hate someone when they love them very much but are verydisappointed. What is the Shakespeare sonnet ending "Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds." ( Begins "they that have the power to hurt, and will do none..." They hate because they loved so much. Maybe this isn't making you feel any better.I think you are way too good for her, and need to be apart to get theperspective. She has to grow up more?
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (12 December 2006):
David Lewis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Sally.
I have already finished with her. I finished it after she hung up 3 times. She was on the phone last night again, begging and crying. I think she assumed I would take her back, no matter what, just as TELLULAH said. She realises now that it was her loss.
I do still care for her and do not like the thought of her being upset. However, I feel they may be exaggerated emotions and crocodile tears. The trust has gone completely and I am 1000000% sure that I will never take her back. But with all the crying and begging, I firmly believe I am not what she wants. I have a gut feeling that she wants to get back with me, so she has another chance to hurt me.
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A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (12 December 2006):
Hey David,
I do think it is true that love can sometimes turn to hate. It sounds unbelievable, but if you love someone who treats you badly, it can't be helped that sometimes the pain gets redirected into hate.
Or at least that has been my experience. I have ended up hating in this way twice. The feelings were very intense.
But there's good news...
...years later, all this hatred has gone away. I'm even on friendly terms with both exes. For me, I found that this kind of hatred can't be too deep, because there's good things at the base of it. I hope that it turns out to be the same for you and that one day you'll be able look back without any hatred and remember the good times!
In the meantime... you know you've got to leave her, right!?!!!
-Sally
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (11 December 2006):
David Lewis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 December 2006):
 She certainly sounds like she is either a nutcase or is really mixed up. I think you are right to distance yourself, I don't think you really hate her, you're angry and hurt. Once she is out of the picture you can slowly move on with your life, lose the anger, and once again be that funny,delightful David Lewis we've all come to love! Good luck buddy!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (11 December 2006):
 Its so sad when love goes like this, and i really do feel for you.
I think she is doing this to you, because she can. She knows you will take her back no matter what. And you have done nothing to prove otherwise. Its hard to stand up to a person your in love with, but to get respect you must. She may not be a horrible person, its hard to believe someone would be this cruel. I bet you cant believe the change from when you were in love with her.
It sounds to me, that she either wants out but cant say, or she dosn't know her own mind. Either way, to save yourself from any more upset. I would give this girl a wide birth, and let her get on with whatever game she is playing.
As for you, dont worry about the hate you feel at the moment. Its natural to feel like that, when you are pushed. You will get over thease feelings, and wonder why you ever gave her a second chance.
good luck, and have a happy new you, AND YEAR XX
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (11 December 2006):
David Lewis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should also add that, She begged me to take her back last night, which I eventually did. She then changed in the space of 5 minutes. I phoned her this morning, but she hung up 3 times 'accidentally' yet still insists that she wants to be with me and loves me now more than ever. She is like a completely different person from the way she was last week.
Now I can look back and laugh when I realise I have been taken for a fool, but I dont want to hate her, I pity her, but I really do think I hate her.
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