A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'v been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years,my boyfriend has this best friend who is a girl and they have been friends since kindergarden and over the years I'v become friends with her too,we hang out together..BUT I really feel bad about one thing,when my boyfriend has any problem he goes to her and not me!I know he knows her for years,but I'm his girlfriend and I want to be part of his life..when he gets a promotion all the sad and happy news is first shared with her!I'm not saying don't tell her anything but I love him,y doesn't he make me part of it..like yesterday he had a problem,he came home,I was like' do you want to talk about it' he said no I spoke to remi(his best friend)let's just go to bed,he just kissed my forhead and went to sleep!is there anything I can do?or let it just be as it is?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): OK if you had only just started dating him then I would say you should back off because she's been in his life since kindergarten so naturally he's closer to her.but since you've been dating him for 4 years and he still isn't close to you, then something's wrong. And I suspect the problem isn't her it's in the relationship between you and him. I suspect that somehow he doesn't feel comfortable sharing his thoughts with you whether or not she was around.See, just because she is his best friend like a sister and they are close like family, doesn't preclude you and him being close too. I mean, just cos you may be close to your parents or siblings and share your ups and downs with them, doesn't mean you can't also be close to your boyfriend right? it's just a different type of relationship and shouldn't be in competition with each other. Therefore the problem isn't that he is so close to her, it's that he's not close to you. And I don't think it has anything to do with her, I think it has to do with your relationship and how he feels about you. I would start by examining your relationship and past conflicts and seeing if your behaviors or attitudes have driven him away. Or if he's always been conflict avoidant (like maybe from past bad relationships).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): You gotta ask him, why is he dating you and not her? He's obviously very emotionally attached to her. So are you there for sex? Why are they not dating?
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 I wouldn't like this at all and it would cause terrible rows if it was me. You do need to explain that you like Remi and know they are friends from way back but as a girlfriend you should be the first person he turns to. I am with SVC also, if they are that close why are they not a couple. I have found that men who have very close female friends normally keep them waiting in the wings for when their current relationship goes sour so they have someone to immediately move on to.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 I'm with SVC on this one. I dont understand the concept of having best friends from the opposite sex. If they're THAT close then why aren't they a couple? And if he's choosing to share his problems with this Remi person instead of with you, then what's the point of having you in his life?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Personally while folks think it's ok for opposite sex friends to be besties... I don't like it.
and I would NOT like it if my hubby's FIRST choice to share news or problems was someone other than me. UNLESS it was about me.
IF he's that close to this girl why aren't they a couple?
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (8 January 2013):
Yes ask him to sit down that you want a quiet chat with with .Explain to him how you feel left out and dont understand why he goes to his best friend and not you.This has to be discuss otherwise it will effect your relationship with him .Its ok for him to have a best friend but he has to respect your feelings.Best Luck. Nora B.
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