A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When is it okay to take back someone who has once cheated and may still have lingering feelings for the other person? What can the couple do to get past this and build trust again? Is trust something that once lost is lost forever? He said he would do anything to rekindle things with me, that he regrets it every moment everything that he has done. How does one know when to trust again? I feel that I would never be able to get past the fact that he cheated. But I do not want to let our relationship go so easily. I am very confused. Please, any help would be much appreciated. I really want advice from someone with similar experience of being cheated on and if things ever work out after. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MissUnique  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 Trust has to be earned and he blew it completely. I would never take back a cheater now, I've learned from experience once a cheater, always a cheater. If he loved you, he wouldn't have slept with someone else. Learning from mistakes is all very well but he had a chance and he broke it, seriously hurting you in the process. Think of what you have to do. You'll find your answer eventually.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2008): Trust is earned and so far, he hasn't done a very good job of earning any! I find a man who cheats once will do it again...especially if you suspect he still has feelings for this other person. I would move on if I were you! You can't "fix" a broken relationship by yourself. And in my opinion, he doesn't sound like the type that would be willing to work at it. Relationships take hard work! A couple need to be teammates, not opponents. If you decide to hang in there and hope for the best, I wish you luck...you are going to need it!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (22 November 2008):
 Question number one: In my humble opinion, never.
Question number two: It depends on the couple.
Question number three: Sometimes trust is never restored. Sometimes it is.
How do you know when to trust again? You don't. You take your chances. If this were a business relationship, I would say, "Sign a contract written by YOUR attorney and ask for money in advance". Since this is a love relationship, I can only say, "you need to take your chances".
It seems to me that you think his cheating does not seem serious enough to end the relationship, yet you don't want to be cheated on again. The short answer here is, "You need to take your chances". If your heart is so hurt that you just don't want it broken again, then take the safe route and end it. There is always the possibility that someone will cheat again. If you think you can stand it, then give him a chance.
I would advise you not to do what so many women in my culture used to do: "Grin and bear it". If anyone, man or woman, cheats all the time, it's best if you end it.
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