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male
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*omebody
writes: I lost my virginity when I was 16. The girl I was with told others that I was small. Hearing her friends laugh at me has scarred me for years. I am still very insecure when it comes to my size even though everything I've read says I am average. Yet, I still think I am small.I have been with many women since and believe that I have no problem satifying them. No one has ever complained about my size since. I may be average size, but I am an above average lover. I am a very affectionate, and freaky, lover who always made sure whoever I was with had an orgasm and was completely satisfied.I am now 33 and married for 3 years to the woman I have been with for 9 years. Our sex was never an issue until I found out about my wife's affair. The affair is over and we are working on issues within our marriage, but I have lost any confidence I once had. I feel like that 16 year old again.I know my wife's reason for the affair was due to issues between her and I and was not completely sexual. I just can't find any confidence any more. I feel like I don't satisfy her and I am not big enough. I know this feeling is ridiculous because I can tell by the reaction that I am satisfying her.My insecurities may be ruining our sex life and even worse, possibly our marriage. How can I find my confidence again? How do I get over the affair? How do I get over a comment made about me over 16 years ago?
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affair, confidence, insecure, lost my virginity, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): Well, I'm obviously a male. 8] My penis is about 3 inches when sleeping, and 5 to 6 inches when erect. It's more than enough for my gf. She tells me it's perfect - in length and in girth.
It really is how you use it, rather than how long it is. One of my gf's ex's had a 12in penis. She never had an orgasm before with him. Mind you I can control or let go whenever I want...
A
female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (7 March 2006):
 It is very difficult to forget such a hurtful comment. Just remember it was a young girl who said it and unless she was a total hoochie in high school, she probably didn't have much to compare you to, anyway. She was just trying to upset you. I think we all have insecurities about things we were teased about when we were kids. It is normal and I doubt that you have anything to worry about in that department from the sounds of it. You actually do have some confidence because you say that you know you are an above average lover and that you can see that the women you are with are satisfied. That tells me that you aren't really THAT insecure about it... Of course, getting over the fact that your wife had an affair is your main issue and I think it is also normal that you would feel insecure about why she did this and was it better, etc., etc. You can't expect your sex life and everything to return to normal when you have been deeply hurt by someone you have been with for so long. The best thing you can do is to get some marriage counseling to work through this serious issue together. If anyone is "ruining your marriage" it is her for cheating on you in the first place and giving you something to be insecure about. She should realize that getting over that will take some time. Eventually things may get back to "normal" but why not get some counseling to help you make your relationship better than it was before? Also, you might try talking with your wife and just tell her that since her affair, you have been feeling a little insecure sexually. She should try to boost your ego a little after what you have been through!
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