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female
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anonymous
writes: I met a guy back in mid November, I am in my mid 40's, he is 40. It was supposed to be a one night stand, that ended up being more... Shortly after Christmas I heard from him, vis a text message that he was in a real mess with huge problems, he wouldn't tell me what they were at that time. All he added was that he did want to keep seeing me, but had to sort out his problems. About 3 weeks ago I heard from him, his problem - a major one - he had lost his job through redundancy, from what I can make out he hit rock bottom. He emailed me telling me how much he missed me. So whilst not changing anything in my life, I thought that maybe it would develop a bit further, he has stayed in touch - I do know he is drinking to drown his sorrows. However, I was talking to him last night and he starts talking about a woman he had been chatting to online and how interesting she was and how they share the same interests - this puzzled me and I did feel angry which I am sure he picked up on... that is where it has been left. What do I make of this, do I hang in there, do I chat with him... I am totally confused,,, HELP!!!
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christmas, lost his job, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): No, you do not hang in there, hun. There was no committment on his part. You expected more than he was ever willing to give you. Do not call him nor chat with him, ever again. He sounds like an indecisive, troubled, complicated man. If he was truely interested in you, he wouldve contacted you more often and more regularily. And..he would not have allowed another woman to turn his head..plain and simple. When a man really wants a woman, he will do anything to be with her. You don't have this. All you have is his problems which he uses as excuses to 'not' be with you. He has moved onto another woman who has captured his interest. Who wants a man , who's eyes will wander the minute a better offer comes along. You do deserve so much better. End your brief time with this man and strike it up as a learning experience. Time will heal your hurt. Now start taking the tough steps to go forward. Absorb the hurt, swallow your pride and get on with life. I am sorry...my heart is with you..take care.
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 Sexybum wasnt mocking, sorry to continue this. She said she fancied my old picture and I had to change it cos it was a pic of a comedian Eddie Izzard and we really shouldn't have been spamming on here. So sorry
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): think thats a bit mean of sexybum to be mocking people, truth is people do this sort of thing and its easy for them to do espicialy if there away working and in fear of losing there job, but maybe thats just an excuse, serving soliders have prob's, and does any one have the same experiance from a soldier, as 1 min were 1 night stands the next they want contact the next they dont ??????
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (9 March 2006):
 hahahah, you do make me laugh, anyway, better stop spamming this answer! You see a discussion board wouldn't be so bad would it!
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 March 2006):
New picture, same guy but this time with a girl and a pot noodle.......x
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (9 March 2006):
hehhehehe
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 March 2006):
Thats it I need a new picture...... :-)
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female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (9 March 2006):
hehehhe lol, I thought 'he' was cute as well!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2006): did you meet this man online, im going through somthing very similar myself, we have been talking nearly a year and he keeps going quiet and says its his job, and lets say keeps me waiting, he went off over xmas then txted as if nothing wrong, we were just friends but had 1 night then ive been to stay with him a couple of weekends, and he did the same said about someone else who knows might be the same person. hope you can resovle this might help me to sort mine out too,
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 March 2006):
T'is alright, serves me right for being slightly obsessed with Eddie Izzard.....x
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female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (8 March 2006):
 Sorry Willy. Duely noted. I thought you were pretty cute, you know? I'm kinda bummed now. LOL!
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 March 2006):
Julia, I am a girl.....its just a picture of Eddie Izzard, not me on my little pic.........
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female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (8 March 2006):
OK, well that changes things a bit. And after reading willywombat's advice, I think I agree with him that it was probably nothing that he mentioned another woman and if you really like him and are insecure about him dating someone else, then you should probably work out the boundaries of your relationship. Good luck!
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (8 March 2006):
You didnt have an exclusive relationship and he had major problems. This guy was going thru a crisis and needed to deal with it as best he could and who are we to judge his means of coping with something like this? He brought up the other woman in conversation, and it is not as if you are married, so how can you possibly be jealous? It was a one night stand which *became more* so neihter of you have a mutually exclusive relationship, so I cannot see where you are coming from being jealous. Perhaps you have built this fledgling relationship up in your mind into something more than it is?
I thnk you need to have a proper conversation with him about where the pair of you see this new relationship as going. If you dont or you cannot face it then obviously this guy is not the one for you. If you cannot talk about a subject as un-inflammatory as this then I think you have deeper issues which you need to address first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did continue seeing him from when I met him up until Christmas... then things stopped.. I forgot to add that into the puzzle...
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female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (7 March 2006):
Man, this guy sounds like a real piece of work... It sounds like you just had a one night stand to me. If he really cared about you, he would have gotten in touch with you. I know he lost his job, but come on! Why did he wait so long to call you? If he didn't have a job, he should have had plenty of free time to pick up the phone, right? It sounds like he is just looking for a friend with benefits and unless you are into that, I suggest you walk away and find someone who respects you! Good luck!
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