A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 27 i have been with my fiancee for almost 9 yrs. we are engaged to be married in april of 2010. i am a stay at home mom he works. but i just cant get him really interested In our wedding plans. i am doing it alone and its to much on me i have our three sons so i know he cant just be to tired to talk about it but when i try to talk he gets mad and basically says do whatever you want how can i got him more involved without fighting.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 December 2009):
Maybe the few times you have asked his opinion you have disregarded it anyway and continued to make your own decision and he is fed up because he knows you will do your own thing anyway. Rather than asking for input in every little thing, why don't you split duties... For example, maybe you could ask him to organize the bar and the prewedding dinner then leave him to it without nagging. I don't think your man shows much excitement either when you go out shopping with him.? Exactly; men just get annoyed by these things that involve changing your mind every minute. Why don't you ask his mother and your mother for help instead.
Also, maybe the princess in you might be getting a little carried away with the expensive romantic details and all he us seeing is a big bill, on one income (his), in a depressed economy. Solution to this: he should give you his budget and you should stick to it. Or you might mortgage your sons' future on a single day that only you wanted. Incidentally, whose idea was it to have a wedding.. Who suggested it first??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): Guys are not into the fiddly bits of choosing what flower, or what table lays, they just see the end result!
Are you working to a budget or just ordering whatever you want? It could be that your bf works hard all day making money and all you want to discuss is what you are spending it on at the wedding.
I dont think anything you do will get him more involved, as he probably sees the wedding as a waste of money. Money that probably could be put to better use as a down payment on a home?????
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 It depends, how do you talk to him about it?
I can see both a guy a here with a problem OR a woman who doesn't know how to deal with men.
Men are problem solvers. We don't discuss things, we do things. So don't ask "what kind of napkins do you think we should have" but "this napkin or this one" and only if you actually want him to make the choice.
Weddings are really for women only. Men just have to say "I do" and not get to drunk and remember whether they are allowed to shag the bridesmaid or not.
So, what is going on here? Bad communication or bf showing some warning signs?
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A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Does he say "do whatever you want" niceley or is he a little rude? Does he make you feel guilty? or uncomfortable?
If a fight starts id say its highly likley a financialy driven factor. He dosent want to be rude to you by saying thats too expensive. so he eventually says "do what ever you want".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): You can force him to get involved but guys generally don't care about the wedding day. That's the bride's day. Some of my female friends had a similiar problem and solved it by getting their bridesmaids involved in the planning or hire a wedding planner.
You have been together in a what used to be called a common law marriage in most states. This is just formalizing the relationship. I know can be stressful planning a wedding. Good Luck. It sounds like you both love each other, don't let the ceremony ruin your lives.
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A
female
reader, To A New Life +, writes (17 December 2009):
The whole wedding thing is a "girls" thing. It's usually a mom, daughter, and some friends. Guys don't care. If given a choice, they prefer to be left out of it. Give him a Tux, tell him when and where. He'll be much happier.
Since you both already have three sons, he most likely prefer to be keep things simple. Plus, the economy is bad, and many jobs have no guarantees. He may be stressed.
It is wise for women to be independant emotionally, financially, capable and willing to do things on their own, and learn to enjoy it as much as the men do when they're with their friends.
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