A
male
age
30-35,
*ickudemus
writes:Hey guys, So I went through a depression a little over a year ago, and went without sex or sexual desires for about 1.5 years (I went through a phase where I thought I was asexual, but this definition didn’t fit, especially because I did occasionally masturbate). I lost total interest in sex and other people (before, I had a normal sexual relationship with my (ex) girlfriend). While coming out of the depression, I realized that I was attracted to this girl I had become very good friends with (she had been attracted to me for a while). We ended up having sex a few months ago, and while it was quick, there were no other issues (I just thought the quickness was due to the fact that it had been so long for me). Well, now we've gotten into a steady relationship, but my sexual problems are all over the place! First of all, she's a very sexual person and is easily turned on. I, on the other hand, do not desire sex physically but associate it to more of an emotional connection. (I don't really need sex or ever get sexually frustrated, where sometimes she does). This was at first frustrating for her, but we've talked about it (and I've been talking with a therapist about this as well). What I've basically been hoping is that my sex drive will come with time (I did have one with my ex girlfriend. I am definitely attracted to my current girlfriend.) I'm all over the place with my ability to maintain an erection. I enjoy sex, but sometimes I'll just go soft for no reason at all (I know this happens to others as well, and I've talked to my girlfriend letting her know it has nothing to do with her or my attraction towards her). This problem comes and goes, but I'm dealing with it adequately. The main problem is that it really takes a lot for me to actually get an erection. I'll be turned on while kissing her and have one, but as soon as I get that certainty of having sex, there's a 50% chance that my erection will just disappear. I’ve talked to her about it and we’re really open with what’s going on, and that’s done a lot to take any “sexual” pressures off of myself, but these problems keep recurring for no reason I can think of (not currently stressed, anxious, depressed or worried).Last time I saw her, we had great and repeated sex and I was really confident in myself. But seeing her tonight, I had an erection while kissing but as soon as we attempted to have sex I completely lost it. She tried to stimulate me, and then tried going back to kissing, but it was just gone. I’m trying to deal with this as best I can, but it’s really a big blow to my confidence every time. Whenever it happens, I can’t help but question my libido and wonder whether my depression could be related to asexuality.I was wondering if anybody else has dealt with any of these issues? Any help/advice would be more than greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
confidence, depressed, erection, ex girlfriend, kissing, libido, my ex, sex drive, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (17 December 2009):
If you are still suffering from depression and anxiety this could be having an effect. Especially if you are still taking some medication to treat depression. It can play havoc on the libido and sexual performance in both sexes.
Keep discussing it in therapy. Go to a doctor to review your medications if you are taking any.
Take care
|
