A
male
age
51-59,
*riterridingsun37
writes:I'm dating this girl who moved from Arizon to where to Long Beach and we've been seeing each other for four months. Everytime we spend a lot of time together, I start to feel claustrophobic. I've been honest with her about these feelings but we both don't know what to do. I don't want to string her along but I don't want this agony of being alone and living with another ghost either. Anyone out there? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 Of the two things you don't want to do, being alone or stringing her along, I would say you should opt for being alone. It sounds like you feel that is inevitable anyway.
But, if that is not an option, you could try making an attempt to figure out how much time makes you feel claustraphobic. If this happens often, its probably a pattern, and maybe if you can identify the pattern, you can figure out how to avoid it. Also, do more interesting things together. Its less boring that way. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): I don't think it has anything to do with her. You have fears of initimacy, and perhaps you are used to datng crazy borderline personality disordered women and she is normal so it feel uncomfortable to you.
Seek out some therapy to get a handle on your issues. I have never felt claustrophobic except with a man I loved and suddely he was completely commited to me and showing it like never before, that was my fear kicking in, not him.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 April 2010):
So it kind of sounds to me that you're settling with her so you won't be alone again. If you're with the right person, you shouldn't feel that way. So I think you have a decision to make; stay with her and continue feeling the way that you do, or break up with her. After only 4-months of seeing her, you definitely shouldn't be feeling this way!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 Just don't spend too much time with her.
I used to habe a bf that I was really crazy about. He lived in another town, so we never met during the week, and he would come to my place on Friday night and leave early Monday morning. At first I was more than happy with this arrangement. Soon ,though, something strange started to happen. I would be longing for him all week, and literally counting the hours till Friday night - by Saturday night i would start feeling a little uncomfortable - and by Monday morning I frankly could'n wait for him to go. Only to restart the cycle again.And I was totally in love with this guy ! But I realized that people have different needs concerning intimacy. I am a normally caring,loving person, but- an overdose of closeness obviously is not for me. I was used to live alone - and I liked it. I was used to all my little habits and rituals, which I had to give up or change when he was around. Plus he was not a very sociable person, and did not particularly like my friends, so it was always he and i, he and I all the time- believe me, it's not so wonderfully romantic as it sounds.
Every couple need to find their own "distance"- the right balance between being alone and being together. Talk about this with yr Gf- if she's mature,she will understand. You are not necessarily stringing her along if you don't want to spend all yr free time with her. Particularly at this early stage of yr relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I am an independent woman with an independent boyfriend. I appreciate your honesty. A question I have always wanted to know is do man just want to f and nothing else. Do men just groom themselves, pretend they like doing things with women so they can get sex? I wanted to ask this without people telling me he's just not interested in a relationship when in fact we are in a stable, monogamous relationship and he has told me he can't be happier. I also realize that nothing interests me, excites me more than sex. I don't need romantic movies, candlelight dinners to get in the mood for sex. I don't need a guy to go with me to a shopping mall. We do talk and share our stories from time to time but just don't feel the need to be physically close all the time. I think the nature of some of us is just like a cat's. A cat would affectionately run up to you to be patted, then hide for two hours to recharge.I am the kind who would rather be alone than feel claustrophobic. I guess as a woman I am at an advantage here because there are more men who wants sex and nothing else while women always feel pressured to get married, to possess a mate in a domestic contract. But women like me do exist. Your girlfriend has to understand this is who you are, and should not judge that because of your coolness then you are less of a guy who wants to commit and spend more time together. You shouldn't have to mold your relationship according to social standards.
...............................
|
