A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 23 yr old female and am sleeping with a 42 year old man. I have known him for a while, he has a 6 yr old son and a partner although they do not live together. It started out as sex but I think im beginning to get feelings for him, and possibly have had for a while. I know he enjoys being with me but I also know he doesn't feel as strongly for me as I do for him. I don't know whether to finish it before I fall in love with him or carry on and hope that my feelings are just temporary. Can anyone help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): You have to be careful in this situation. Usually when guys are in this type of relationship (age difference, separated, single parent...) they tend to take things for granted. If you want to find out if you love him, then perhaps you should take sex out of the equation. If it's real then this will be a true test of the relationship. I'm assuming you work together? If that is the case then you have just become his work wife and you should end it immediately. Too many variables to answer simply... sorry
Imbrahall
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 April 2010):
 The age gap is irrelevant, but the nature of the relationship is nevertheless inappropriate. He has a partner already and that makes him a cheat. If you started a proper relationship with him how long do you think he would remain faithful? He is just a middle-aged man looking for a bit of fun - you make him feel young and attractive. I suggest you find someone a little less complicated and consider improving your self esteem not to settle for someone who is not prepared to commit to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): This is the danger of being in relationships of this sort. I suggest that you tell the man what is going on and end the relationship. From the little you have told us here, you will be the one that will get hurt in this relationship either way. Yes, he will miss you for a while but he already has a partner and am sure will find another "play-thing" on the side in no time at all. I hope you know that you deserve better than being an option on the side.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 An older man's concern is that once he reaches 60 his ability declines while you are still blossoming as a woman. He will be worried that he can't be the one to make you happy. If it's the personality you love it might work out in the end you just have to assure him that love will conquer all, such as the age gap and what people think. One true thing is that being in love keeps a person young. Well you don't have to think that far for now. Every relationship is a learning experience. One problem is that I can imagine that he might not want any more children while you most certainly do. Feelings can be temporary. They can be a catalyst to create a solid relationship and at the same time just feelings, chemicals in your body.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): stop it. how stupid. what if you get pregnant? do u think he'll leave his wife for you? do u think he'll give up everything he has for you? no he won't. what if your father was having an affair with a 23 yr old girl? would u like it? how would you feel? slap the guy and leave him.
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A
female
reader, confoozled +, writes (4 April 2010):
Wow. He has a girlfriend and they have a child together. Have some RESPECT and stop seeing this man. Maybe one day when your in your fourties your husband/fiancé/boyfriend will be cheating on you with someone half your age.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I would not risk. I'd finish this relationship.
If you want sex, it should not be hard to find another sexual partner. And if you want love and affection- you should look for someone who is availablr, unattached and free to reciprocate yr. feelings
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