A
male
age
30-35,
*rBrightside90
writes:Hey guys and gals,I have one question; Why do women lose interest when you really open up.Im having this experience very often lately. At first im just joking around with girls, teasing them a bit and so forth, but when thing start moving toward a more serious path, and I like to open up a bit, share stuff etc, they seem to lose interest and end up with some other douchebag.Have I just met the wrong girls ?Im really sad about this happening to me, especially after my last break up, im not sure if ill find something close to what that relationship was, and that makes me sad because im still reminiscing something that is over.Cheers everyone ;)
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female
reader, LublyuYa  +, writes (11 August 2010):
Personally, I would love for my boyfriend to open up more to me -- whether it's about how he feels at the moment, problems that are going on in his life so I could help him, or just talking about the past because I know he had some hard times and I feel so much closer to him when he talks to me about it. Opening up definitely lets you understand a person's mindset better, and perhaps the girls you dated simply were not ready for such an emotional commitment. Just keep in mind that it does not mean everything should be unraveled - not every woman would want to know about, say, the details of previous relationships or anything related to that, and it might push them away, and some on the other hand could be very interested. It really depends on the woman, so try not to think about it in a generalized way or you will automatically assume this will be the case for every woman you will date.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): I could probably write a whole long lecture here about one thing or another, but however I did it I think it would simmer down to the same thing. My boyfriend really put me off when he first opened up fully because we hadn't been going out long, and frankly I got scared of it.
I really don't like the idea of someone relying heavily on me - not emotionally at any rate - so as soon as I knew what he was thinking and believed that over time those feeling would get stronger, I was afraid. I didn't want to hurt him, see him get hurt, didn't want to be the cause of it... so the easiest thing for me to do would have been to duck out early. It sounds strange from outisde but the basic thoughts were along the lines of - if i hurt him now, it'll be less than if it happens later.
I didn't like the idea of hurting him, and I still don't, but I knew that in the long run it would be better to leave it then - a lot of girls are just afraid of the commitment of it all.
I've had three friends tell me recently their "guys" have sent them "ly" or "love you" and even "I love you" messages (none of them are going out). Two of them were excited, the third was almost terrified. And the intial shock of it can lead us girls into doing rash things.
Hope this helps - if only a little. Sometimes, we're just not up to hearing promises like that to start things off. Also - if you've been joking with them, that's who'll they want to go out with. It's good to know a guy care, but things can't be 100% serious all the time you're togther. That last part could have been completely off the point though, I'm not sure - apologies for that one!
So, yeah. I guess the simple answer is needing to pace yourself - a lot of us will also feel rushed after that because it's awful to hear someone say that to you and not be able to say it back, although to begin with we don't always know what we can say.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Only open up gradually in small pieces... not all at once. If you are joking around and teasing a girl and then suddenly switch and turn all soppy... you can't be that surprised can you? That's pretty much a 180 degree flip in how you treat her... and unfortunately not all girls are interested in things being all serious and lovey dovey :(
Best of luck
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