A
female
age
51-59,
*hippy2
writes:Oh help me! I met a man online in January. We hit it off right away. We can talk easily, we laugh, etc...A couple of weeks into it I guessed he was married. He said he couldnt lie and that he was - unhappily. He tells me they only have sex only 3-4 times a year.He told me he and the wife had tried to work things out and that nothing has changed and that they have discussed divorce. I even tried to give him advice for him to have sex with her so I could feel better - didnt work.We began a sexual relationship because it was unbearable not to. Then we stopped because we knew it was wrong to. We seem to have sex maybe twice a month or less. The sex is amazing! He is a wonderful lover.Now my problem is that thru all this time - he has called me after work - we chat and laugh. I am finding that I am becoming dependent on his calls.I have fallen for this man - he is everything I want except single. What can I do? I really enjoy talking to him just about anything.Thanks
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (14 August 2010):
I always check back on your replys! to see how that person is doing? because i do care!! and i was jsut thinking you know what i would do it may sound horrible to you? but he is using you no doubt about it. and i agree w/lakeisha, and shes trying to help as well she had it first hand done to her. and im sorry lakeisha, and you sound like a wise young lady! and you are probably not the only one. he is a dog not only because he's cheating w/ you but mostly because what he is doing to his wife! at least give her the choice to divorce him instead of him wasting her life! read between the lines it's all about him when he says he cant afford to get a divorce what an *ss. ok back to what i would do? i would go to a dirty store and buy him a blow up doll and tell him he taught you well!! and that is not to ever go there again! and walk away after handing that to him *hit keep your pride if you get anything out of this and from it and smile at him and believe me you are going to feel so good about yourself and that i promise you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): You deserve better? Really? At this point, based on your choices and behavior, I would say the only thing you deserve is a swift kick in the a**. I am not saying that to be mean, however in your follow up post you seem to put all the blame for YOUR conduct and choices on him, and to some extent past boyfriends. For you to really matter out of this phase, I think you need to acknowledge that YOU have acted badly, and in callous disregard to the pain you may be causing other unsuspecting victims of your behavior (again, does he have kids...are you helping to destroy a family).
Only after you are ready to deal with YOUR bad behavior, and stop placing all the blame on everyone else, will you get better.
Yes, the married man is immoral. You have no control over his behavior. You can only control your own behavior. Have you been acting like an honest, decent, caring person? No. so based on your track record, I am not sure why you believe you "deserve" anything in particular
Make a pledge to be accountable for all you do. Then you can earn some good karma
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (13 August 2010):
Chippy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow! Thanks for even more Hard Core advice! I needed to see and read it and I know I deserve better and that it has to end now.
I generally trust most people but I am beginning to see men really do lie to get what they want - attention or sex.
Wish my mama woulda told me that!
I will drop things with him and concentrate on me - Thanks Lakeisha I never thought about the bad-mouthing ewww! And Oregongrl1 yeh I have thought that maybe I am afraid of dating someone that is available. The last two guys I did hurt me terribly.
I am gonna have to learn to really LISTEN to what they are saying. And set my boundaries before I head out dating again.
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): There's something you need to know about married men, they ALL tell all sorts of lies to make you sleep with them.
'I'm unhappily married'
'She never has sex with me'
'She's always nagging me'
'She yells at me when I haven't done anything wrong'
'We never spend any time together because she's always working'
'She's frustrated with our life'
Lie, lie, lie. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!
He is never going to leave his wife for you, but sooner or later she WILL find out, they always do. That's not a mess you should be involved with. I know it's hard but you've just got to remind yourself that if he can do this to her, he will soon do it to you when he gets bored again. Just find a guy who can fully respect you!
Hope everything turns out well for you :)
But I hope his cheating balls fall off, but anyway.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (11 August 2010):
It takes 2 to tangle! you are putting everything off on him. and that is the easy way out!! and you are attracting the wrong men. stay off the internet! and if you are attractive then you shouldn't have a problem but it also comes from with in. but what does that have to do w/ fooling around w/ a married man?. sounds like you make wrong choices in your life! are you scared to date a single man w/ no strings attached? just a question!
GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, lakeisha +, writes (11 August 2010):
 rule number one: NEVER EVER beleive a man when he says he is going to leave his wife until you see the proof.
i am married and i've also been cheated on inside of my marriage. and the first thing a man will tell his mistress is that he is going to leave his wife, because he knows that you want to hear that. but on the other side of things... what do you think he is telling his wife? if his wife knew that he was UNHAPPILY married, he would be divorced and be with you exclusively. my husband told me that his mistress was nothing but a slut and will do whatever any man asks her[which made me wonder why he was with her in the first place.]i kno that its hard to love a married man, but just as easily as he can badmouth his wife, when his wife finds out[and she will, because wives kno when their husbands are cheating]he will call you every single sluty name he knows to get back in his wife's good graces. unless he really doesnt care.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (11 August 2010):
Chippy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk he says he can never afford to be divorced. And that he is trying to resist temptation from me. He is the one who had advertised himself as single on the internet! He did apologize for that but now - I am already hurt.
So where to meet intelligent men? I am attractive and curvy so I get attention I dont need most times.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): you do know this is going no where, don't you. he is not as unhappy as he says. after all he is still with his wife. so he only has sex with his wife 3/4 times a year, now he is having sex at least twice a month with you. wow, he is now one happy married man - he is up almost 30 times a year. wonder what crap he has told other women he has met? how do you knwo you are his only lover? be realisitc, this man is only using you (and who know how many others) for sex.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (11 August 2010):
Chippy2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far. Let me add she will not go to counseling with him and relegates him to the spare room because she says he snores. Much more going on than just no sex between them.
Yes I know it is for them to work out. You all gave such good answers - thank you.
Guess for now it seems ok for me because I got out of a worse relationship with a single man who I couldnt trust. Only I treated him well.
He just txt me - we are really trying not to be 2gether. When I think of it I only get to spend one half hour or so on the phone with him per day and no time on the weekends.
That def not fair to me. I do need a man of my own. Just havent found one yet.
Any ideas on where to meet a man like this one only single?
Thank you Thank you
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Unless he actually goes through with the divorce from his wife, you really should avoid this situation. Othrwise you're just the 'casual sex buddy' and that won't be good for you.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (11 August 2010):
I don't care how unhappy he is it is wrong! you don't say i do only for the sex of a marriage! get a divorce move out if hes that unhappy i just feel so horribly sad for his wife and sickened by the two of you there are no words to describe how my heart hurts for her and you want our advice on what to do? i tell you what get in your car drive to his house and ask his wife what she thinks you should do! you have no respect for yourself or others. but hey thats ok you will get yours in the end maybe she doesn't have sex w/ him because maybe you aren't the only one hes done this with to her.
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