A
female
age
41-50,
*ant trust
writes:really need advice.....my husband and i have been together for 8 and half yrs married foe 4..we have really been distant for the last year.I lost my job dealth with lots of family issues..in march i found out he had been talking to another woman on the phone at work and txt her all day.This also happened oct of 08.He says that i wasnt there for him but i had just lost my job and found out my father that died when i was 10 wasnt my father and the man who is just wanted to have sex with me.(needless to say no relationship with him).They didnt have sex but he wanted to and shes married also so she wouldnt.He has been very honst but how do i trust him.When i was having problems he went to another woman instead of being there for me and talking about it.We have been doing awesome since i found out about it and we talked about everything.can i move on and trust him again??????I love him so much!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): Sometimes when we have problems and life takes a dip, its easy to forget the impact it has on our partners. I think that if he was just looking for good conversation and some light hearted chats to get him thru the dark times at home then really you should not let this get to you too much. When you're down, and you surround yourself with down pple then nobody will get out of that successfully! I am glad however that you have talked and things seem to be better...Don't hold onto this... he talked to her...it hurt you..but perhaps the end result was that he was stronger for you! xx
A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I know you can feel dreadfully let down when this happens. You imagine when the **** hits the fan, that you can rely on your partner to be there for you. When they arent...as in your case...it can be quite distressing. If he understands that he let you down badly and hes willing to change. Then all you can do is accept that, if you wish to, and start rebuilding trust. He has to do that by the way. He has to prove beyond any doubt that he will be there for you when hes needed. Its one of those things where only time will tell and while hes working at regaining your trust, you have to work at trusting him again. It might be worth trying to understand what led him to seek out another woman to talk to. If you can understand how it happened it will go some way to avoiding a similar situation. He might say you were so busy with issues that he had no one to talk to. If he does, try and understand how that must feel, rather than dismissing it. It may be that neither of you were supporting the other very well at the time and thats how it all happened. All the best.
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A
female
reader, mummyter  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 It sounds like you want to move forward and try to trust him again, but what does he want? He wanted this other lady but she didnt want him.. if she did want him he would have been with her, and where would that have left you? Remember, it is not her that had the commitment to you.. it was him. So it wasnt her that should have made the choice to be faithful, it should have been him. I think all of this can be sorted out through couples counseling. It sounds like you both have been through a lot and it also sounds like talking things out is good for you both - so why not find a professional councilor to talk to and get some strategies from that person on how to keep the conversation's honest and flowing when you're at home or even tempted by other people. good luck! 3
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): yes you can all men sometimes go through that fase and i bet he felt sorry he wasnt there for you :)
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