A
female
age
41-50,
*licia
writes:i have had quite a rocky two years. Two years ago i was in a relationship which my parents didnt approve of coz the man had no job and no career and wasnt making any money. I loved him tho so i made the decision to be with him and decided to give him a chance to build himself up.However as the relationship progressed we fought a lot and he constantly called me difficult when i complained about him not making an effort in the relationship.i was always calling, asing when he was gonna see each other and so on.In the end i was so unhappy but didnt know how to get out of the relationship. Then i met another man, we started off as friends but i was falling for him coz we had so much in common and we loved being around each other.i told him though that i couldnt start anything with him coz i was still in a relationship and he was hurting because of it but i didnt want to cheat.in the end i somehow gathered the strength to leave the unhappy life and start a new life with this new man.Things were great and but after one month he started changing and i asked why.Then he started crying one day and told me that he had made another woman pregnant.he said it happened at the time when i couldnt go out with him.i was hurt and begged him not to leave and i would take care of the baby with him.He left me and my heart was shattered to a thousand pieces and to this day i still cant get out of the pain i feel.If he loved me so much why did he leave i said.so he left me and i kinda was single for two months.Then my ex started calling and we became friends again. He asked me to get back together.I told him i would think about it and things needed to change.He hasnt managed to make enough money to make a decent living though and he says he doesnt want to work for anyone and wants to see if his business.he has changed though but i sometimes worry that i will get into this relationship and things wont be the same and we will always have to struggle with money. I want to be taken care of and i dont want to be the only one earning money in the house. He has become a very caring man though and wants to be with him. Should i try and work things out with him? even though i am hurting about the other guy?is it sometimes ok to try again or will he never change?the baby broke up with me and was already planning a wedding for this september and he told me and told me they lost the baby.how do i stop hurting about this baby daddy who i wish had made those wedding plan with me? How do i get through this september without breaking down? please help......i'm hurting and confused....
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, money, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): Dear Alicia
From what I have read in your posting you have been through a lot of emotional turmoil. I can sense that you are still hurting very much about the "daddy" guy, who is getting married.
However, as for the exboyfriend, please do not start a relationship with him again. It did not work before, you don't love him anymore, there is no chance that it will work now.
I realize that it is difficult for you to be alone now, but do not get involved with anybody just to be with somebody; you will only end up getting hurt again.
Go out with friends; keep yourself busy and occcupied with things; start studying or do some reading, maybe about relationships; you might find that very interesting and helpfull.
If you are going to get involved with anybody now it will be on the rebound and will not last.
Just as a matter of interest:
Do you still have contact with the "daddy"guy?
Is he aware of your feelings?
As they have lost the baby, has he given you any reason why they are still going ahead with the wedding?
What I am trying to establish by asking you all of this; has there been closure for you with this guy?As it will help and make it easier for you to MOVE ON.
Please do not make the mistake of getting involved with the ex; allow yourself time to recover from all the emotional hurt; then you will be ready to find somebody that you can love and RESPECT; somebody that you can built a future with.
Don't rush, give yourself time; you have to think about your future; not just tomorrow.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Sounds to me like you just dont want to be on your own?
None of these guys have anything good to offer.
Your ex is no good because he's not making any effort to earn a crust. My ex was like that. He had a builders business, but after 5 yrs of it being very busy, he quietened right down, and was taking cash in hand jobs and waiting for the phone to ring. He made no effort to find work with someone else, and he's in the process of having his house repossesed now. He is doing a house up for a friend and getting cash in hand, but once this job is finished, he will be begging stealing and borrowing off everyone as always because he refuses to go work for someone else. We finished because of the pressure. I couldn't afford to keep all of us, and he likes his beer.
The other guy is no good for you because he is with someone else and planning to get married. If you ever got together, he would be flitting between the 2 of you i bet.
Its ok being single. If you have friends to go out with, you are sure to meet someone soon enough naturally.
But whats the point in going back with the work shy guy just because the other guy is engaged to someone else?
You know yourself that doesn't make sense.
C xxxxxx
...............................
|
