A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband looks at alot of porn and has had inappropriate text conversations with other women. One such relationship started 4 months after we were married and carried on for another four months. I discovered the conversations by accident from the phone bill.Initially I thought it had only gone on for a couple of weeks but after he confessed to further indescretions with his mobile I looked further into it and discovered the 4 month thing. He has promised not to do it again but I dont trust him and think its just a matter of time. How do you get the trust back without checking up all the time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. A note to SuperSammie.. it wasnt a rumour, it was a fact although once you start to question it doesnt matter what prompted it - the questions have started. To anonomys - wouldnt telling him Im checking on him just allow him to hide anything he might be doing? And to Onlyforyou - maybe he is bored. Our marrige is full of problems. Money, stepkids, lifestyle and cultural diferences....
A
female
reader, Onlyofyou1039  +, writes (20 August 2008):
this is a 21st century problem. Technology is ruining relationships and its true. Some men cannot control themselves when it comes to the computer and texting etc. Don't trust him completely. He's bound to do it again. I think if the problem persists and you find him sending these dirty text messages you should maybe seek marriage counseling. Or perhaps your husband is bored with your marriage. There's a lot of stuff you can do for that. Try to talk to him about it first. He might have an addiction.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): Trust is something you earn and not something you hand out and have being in a similiar situation before, I fully understand that your initiative is to check up all the time but you don't want to because you want to trust them. I think he jepordised his relationship with you by acting in such a manner and that maybe he should be aware that you're checking what he's saying for a period of time, so that he knows exactly how to act.Relationships are based on trust and he needs to be fully aware of how much he has not only heard you but that it will take a while to get things to be the same again.
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female
reader, SuperSammie  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 you have to trust and believe him. if you find you are questioning things he tells you then it'll be difficult to trust him again. trust me, my boyfriend didn't trust me for months just because of a rumour. it'll take time, but finally you will trust him again, if u believe him and have faith and believe your relationship is worth saving.do things to take your mind of it, or ask him to give up his phone for a while. or come to a arrangement where he allows you to check his phone bills now and then, just to prove he isn't doing anything, then after a while you won't need to check them anymore.hope this helps. x
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