A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:right, well... i sent a question a few hours ago, explaining that i had a nervous breakdown wen i had a miscarrige, n that resulted in me breaking up with my boyfriend, and i got back with my ex who helped me through the breakdown...but after bout a year with my currant boyfriend i am still very close to my ex (who i dumped wen i had a breakdown). and he is still IN love with me, a LOT more than my currant bf is, and i feel i am still in love with him.and i want to break up with my currant boyfriend but dont know how to do it, because we are now living together and he has helped me through so much and support me through my breakdown and comforted me at the hospital wen i had tests done to see if i have a disease (which my mum has n i have a 50% chance of getting it, n it might mean i can never have kids again)also he quit the navy for me.i am so gratful n appriciate him so much, n i respect him for standing by me when he could be enjoying himself. but latly no matter what i do he throws it back in my face. i try to make our home life as fun as possible n cook his favourite meal with candles and he just throws it back in my face n makes me feel like the bad guy n stuff, basicly our relationhsip has gone right down hill..n i want to break up with him, because we are both not happy anymore, we hardly do anything together, we have a very secrative relationship (keep lots of secrets from eachother) and he checks my phone and stuff. my friends say it has turned into a very bad unhealthy relationship cause he wants to know every thing about where i go n who with, also he has made me fall out with lots of my friends and i quit college to spend more time wiv him, but he prefares me to be in the house all day. btu i don't know how to break up with him when he's helped and supported me so much.please help. x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for your advice.
yer i am only 17, 18 soon tho. and he's living with me and my mum cause he got kicked out. but he expects me to be here wen he's in from work and if i go out he phones me and 'checks' up on me.
he doesn't shout or hit me or anything like that. he knows i wouldn't stand for that.
but i think i am going to break up with him, its just hard cause he's been there for me through so much and helped and supported me through everything. and i do love him, im just unhappy and dont feel the relationships good.
but your both right, its not a good relationship and im just gonna do it and get it over with.
thanks a lot xx
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 It sounds like you have had many issues in your young life. Are you really in the age range of 16-17? I think that the best thing for you to do is to think this through all the way. By that I mean that you should consider what staying with him will mean for you. The feeling that you're staying with him because he helped you through the breakdown and went with you to the hospital isn't enough to base a solid relationship on. Any good friend would help another through something like this and not expect anything more than sincere gratitude and thanks.
Is his help the reason you moved in with him? Or was there something more that drew you to him?
I don't know, it sounds like you have a lot of maturing still to do and that working on yourself would be a good idea before committing to anyone. I also think that if the relationship is not working and is unhealthy for you, then you do need to end it, even though he's been a help with your past issues.
I don't like the isolation that you seem to be experiencing. If he's got you separated from family and friends, if he's forced you to give up work and/or school, if you're home all the time because he either coerces you or verbally or physically abuses you if you do go out, then you're in an abusive relationship.
Please look at this website and answer the questionnaire to see if this applies to you. I don't want to make assumptions here but something sounds very off in this relationship.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/relationships/safe-your-relationship-19917.htm
Let us know how things are going.
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A
female
reader, bluntasaspoon +, writes (20 August 2008):
 just tell him straight. get it over and done with and dont shout! he wont think that ur being serious if u do. i know that it is hard to split up with him coz of how much he has supported u but if ur not happy then split up. if u do it soon then it wont hurt as much.
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