A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:everytime i leave the house my b/f of 5 years watches porn and chats, he never admits it, and when i mention it he gets really mad and it's a major fight and he says i'm crazy that it's not true. when i get home and go on the computer he sometimes forgets to shut it off cuz i caught him off guard and when i check where he's been it's always that shit. What should I do? his he a weirdo? I've even suggested 3somes and he laughes or to watch porn with him and he says that it's stupid and i'm weird. I'm very upset about this. when I ask him to have sex he says he's sore or tired but when he wants it, i need to be there or he gets mad
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): I recently went through the same thing with my bf of 2 years.. he was a member of a live webcam porn site. now i know that he loves me and is completly honest with me and when i found out i was so hurt and he deleted it. now recently i found out he had started an account with a similar site which started a really huge fight and i couldnt see us moving past it. now he knew that i didnt mind him watching porn because thats just what guys do its in there nature. the female body is atractive to them (which really is a good thing) but i just hated that he could interact and tell them what to do.. now everyone has there own opinion but this is what happened between us, he lied to me about it then when i directly brought it to his attention it brought a very deep conversation and everything i thought about it went out the door.. men dont admit it because its personal and there embarased.. which is understandable.. when they are alone and there partners arnt home and they need/want a release it helps for them to have a visual, something/someone to look at. now i have different feelings and i wouldnt go into a mens one so thats why i couldnt understand why he would do something like that but after our discussion i know that he didnt do it to hurt me he is 100% attracted to me and nothing would ever come from it. just remember these girls get paid to do these things its not personal to them its just $dollars$what it really comes down to is you, you are the one that has to live with it so you need to decide if you can move past it. but it really is a male thing and if hes doing it in his own personal time over a computer is it really worth your relationship for a visual porn cam? thats what it really comes down to and only you have the answer. if u trust him go with that.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 @angziety : true , but you don't get practice and experience from porn. You get a lot of bizarre,wrong ideas about what feels good to women.
Porn it's not the devil incarnate in itself, but it sounds like your boyfriend may be addicted to it .
- it interferes with your normal sex life , because he is often sore or tired after porn watching.
- he keeps his habit secret and gets mad and defensive when he's caught
- he refuses to share this " hobby " with you- your presence takes pleasure out of the experience , rather than increasing it.
That sounds like addiction to me, and like any other addiction needs to be treated by a professional therapist.
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A
female
reader, sunshinesmile  +, writes (4 April 2011):
I'm sorry that you are going through this. Your bf has a porn addiction and he needs help. To anyone who says that porn is ok and that its normal to watch I'll tell you straight out that this is a lie. Porn generates a selfishness in a person where selfishness should not be: in the bedroom. Obviously your bf thinks that sex is all about his pleasure not about intimacy and sharing and communication and love as it should be. I think you should pursue ways to get him to seek help for his habit. Believe me I know how daunting the challenge can be because 2 people very close to me had the same porn addiction and it is devastating to those who have to deal with. I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): First of all it is not as big as issue as it is made out to be. most of the men would watch that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): Wow, every time you leave the house? That's way too often, sounds like HE needs to get out of the house more. I would love to tell you to just dump him and move on, but it's not that easy especially if you really love him in every other way. Besides, there's a very slim chance the next guy will be much different. Porn seems to be something that most (if not all) guys like, and don't wanna do without. And in my experiences, the men who claimed they weren't into porn were the ones who watched it the most. They lied to me even though they didn't need to. I was never judgmental about it, in fact I was open about it and admitted I occasionally watched it myself. (Oh, and just a little side note, it has nothing to do with your appearance. I'm gorgeous, and my body parts and long hair are real (unlike the barbie doll women in porn) and every last guy I've ever been with has watched it regardless). Just something to keep in mind before you start feeling inadequate in the looks department.Anyway, I would worry more about him chatting with other women and being "too tired" for sex. Watching porn is one thing. Ignoring you and your sexual needs is another. You have every right to be concerned about this, and if it makes you feel bad, then you have every right to let him know it. But...That's not enough. You need to stand up to him more. For one, next time you ask him for sex and he turns you down act like it's fine, but then next time he tries to come to you, turn him down. And tell him why. First tell him it's hypocritical to expect to be able to come to you whenever he wants, but turn you down every time you come to him. Then tell him if he loves chatting with other women so much that he has to do it every time you leave, then why not just make it his entire sex life? He has a choice to make; a sex life with you or jerking off to the women he chats with online. Not both. Make that clear, there will NOT be both. You must treat him as you would a child as in don't let him throw a tantrum til he gets his way. He obviously has the "my way or the highway" attitude toward you, so turn it around on him. In the mean time, you should also do what the other female anon suggested. Watch gay porn and chat with men and then see how he feels. Purposely leave it in the browser history for him to find. Even if you can't/don't want to get off on it, the point is to make him think you did so he can understand your pain. Make him think you're perfectly happy without having sex with him, and see what it does for his self-esteem. I think only then will you 2 be able to talk it out, and come to any sort of compromise. I wouldn't expect him to give up porn all together, but I would make it clear that it has to be "regular" porn (meaning no chatting). I would consider the chatting to be borderline cheating, because it this point, he's not "just looking". He's spending time actually talking to these women.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 April 2011):
 This guy sounds like a total jerk with a porn addiction. You are not his sex slave, it's not your job to satisfy him on the nights when he wouldn't rather have his porn. And yelling at you for confronting him? That's pretty over the top. You should find someone more willing to be with you as a human rather than a porn alternative.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): Imagine if you chatted to men online and looked at gay porn as soon as he left the house. Would he accept it?
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (2 April 2011):
 I wouldn't worry too much about it, he's probably embarrassed. Instead, I'd worry about this - "when I ask him to have sex he says he's sore or tired but when he wants it, i need to be there or he gets mad"...
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A
female
reader, MrsCup  +, writes (2 April 2011):
If he can't be honest about it when you are telling him you could watch porn together, I would move on and find another man..
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