A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive got a confusing situation that boggles my mind. But maybe there is someone out there with answers to help me understand things.Ive been with my guy for about a year now. I take our relationship VERY serious. Even when I have outside temptations come try to talk to me, I don't give them the time of day. My prob is sex with my guy. I wont lie that im addicted to sex and Im aware that my sex drive is higher than his and I made to let him know my situation when we first started dating. Ive come to find out some pretty heartbreaking things about him. Ive been turned down ALOT lately when I ask to have sex with him. But come to find out that hes been going on a chatroom with cams the very next morning and watching women on there and jacking off to them. And he has also gone while on the clock at work and hooked up a couple times with his ex girlfriend. When I ask him why he doesn't give me any sex he answers that he just got lazy...Does that make any sense to anybody?!?!? Im a damn good looking woman with a nice body that loves to have sex. Plus Im a woman that has her shit together in her life. So I honestly am not using him for anything. I just love the guy so I stay true to him. What should I do about all this??? Im SO confused that its making me lose sleep over it all now. HELP
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at work, chat room, ex girlfriend, his ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2015):
* I just get endless promises anymore... it sucks*
So now you know OP. YOU have to decide if staying WITH him is worth it long term. There is no RULES that say you have been together for a year so now you HAVE to stay.
Not cheating is YOUR choice, it's YOU following YOUR morale compass and I would stick to that if I were you. I'd rather ditch the BF than becomes someone with questionable values and morals.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2015):
 Are you saying he is jacking off AT WORK ?? Must be a pretty laid back work environment !
The main problem is not your sex drive, I'd say, the problem is take you take your relationship very serious, ..but he does not. Let's say that web cam sex with live girls does not count as cheating ( many women would not see it like this, though ) - but hooking up twice with his ex is definitely cheating . Twice. I'd say that his so-so sex drive is the least of your worries !
Anyway, yes, his " I just got lazy " sort of makes sense, at least from his point of view .At least he was candid about that , he did not seek excuses.
Jacking off is easier , quicker and " lower maintenance " than having intercourse .It's all about him and HIS orgasm. With you, or any other woman he would have to worry about YOUR pleasure too, giving you an orgasm, giving a decent " performance " in terms of duration, doing stuff for you and to you ( say, oral sex ) , talking to you, cuddling, finding the time, the physical energy and the fantasy to keep things exciting , and / or the words and gestures to make it romantic ...
HIS way is simpler. He feels the urge, he satisfies it no frills- he lets his steam off.. and leaves you hanging.
There was a writer named Karl Kraus who said : Masturbation and intercourse are exactly the very same thing, only ,with intercourse ,you get to meet more people.
Only, the writer meant it as a wisecrack, while your bf and other lazy , uninvolved guys like yours take it quite literally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen we first started dating, he would want to have sex with me every single time we saw eachother. So it made me think that he had the same drive as me. Now that time has past he has stopped the way he was in the beginning. I have brought it to his attention saying that he pretty much tricked me. He made himself look like everything that I was looking for until he knew he got me trapped in a relationship then he changed it up. This isn't fair to me at all. I have had many chances to cheat on him with other guys that approach me...but I haven't. Even after finding out of his lil "tea time" dates with his ex while he was supposed to be at work. He knows that its effecting me & my self esteem. He says hes going to change it but he doesn't. I just get endless promises anymore... it sucks
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 April 2015):
 Maybe his sex drive doesn't match with yours. Jacking off to a webcam model doesn't require him to pleasure HER in any way...its basically just an instant gratification for him without having to put in any effort to please her.
As you say, your sex drive is high and he also probably feels that he's not good enough for you and cant satisfy you so he tries to avoid sex. And now he's fallen into the vicious circle of trying to avoid sex with you and then masturbating to girls online, to get rid of his frustrations.
I think its time to sit him down and have a good, long talk with him. He's taking this situation way too personally. Its no you. Its him. Its not that he doesn't want you...I'm sure he does...he just feels that he cant live up to your expectations.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2015):
So you are SERIOUS about your relationship, yet in ONE year he has cheated on you a "couple of times" with his ex? And he is "too lazy" to be bothered to have sex with you?
Have you honestly ASKED him, what he would suggest? Should you... take a lover? or what?
Personally, I think he isn't as grand a guy as you want him to be.
You are making this about YOU (not being "whatever" enough) but it really comes down to HIM not being "enough". His sex-drive is not on par with you, neither is his fidelity.
As for the webcam thing.. well some women are OK with that in a partner others are not.
He doesn't REALLY seem that interested in what YOU need or want.
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