A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok so i gess the best way to ask for your help is to just tell you the story. iv been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and for the first 9 months i wasnt aware of any problems between the two of us. there was a constant bother from his ex but at the time i trusted him and didnt take it out on him. but close to the 9 month mark we had a huge fight over a hat! it wasnt realy a fight it was more of i moved his hat so he used it as an excuse to break up with me. this fight happend to be on his ex's birthday and he ended up going to her and sleeping with her. a few days latter he came to me telling me that he loved me and that leaving had been a huge mastake. so we ended up back together but he didnt tell me about what had happend well a few months ago he checked his email on my computer and left it up. i know i shouldnt have looked but i did and not only did i find out he was still talking to his ex but he had tryed to hook up with someone els just a few month before. we got in a huge fight and i pressed for answers. i found out abought the night we brook up and that he had sleep with her a few times when we first got together. and he had messed around with the outher girl. he begged me not to go and promised he would change. its been 4 months and i have realy noticed a difference in how he treats me and he makes sure to let me know where he is without me asking. he realy is trying to make me happy. but for some reason all i can do is be mad at him. when he trys to hold me and tell me he loves me all i can think is how he betrad me. is breaking up the only answer? i love him and dont want to go but i fear thet my actions are just makeing life hard for both of us. what sould i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni want to thank those who helped me i brook up with him today. i cant handle being the girlfriend thats allways hurting any more. if im going to hurt i might as well hurt to get over him not to keep him. thanks again
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): I'm sorry that happened it must hurt quite alot. Some people have huge urges and sometimes it's hard to stop them. It's like an addiction almost. Imagine an alcoholic, and you saying, the bottle or me? Chances are they will say you but get the bottle the moment your back is turned. Does it mean that he does not love you? no he probley loves you quite a bit but his drive is so high it maybe just gets him into strange situations.Is love and "urges" the same? I think they are seperate but because we were raised to think they are the same we get mad when one conflicts with the other which they often do. This leads to break up's, divorce and so on.Not sure if this helps, but he will probley always go with other women but he'll always think of you as #1 in his heart.
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A
female
reader, nightwalker +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Just think of this... when he was doing the other girls.. when he was doing.. well you know the actions and moves... anyway when he was sleeping with them was he thinking of you???? Where did his love go that moment...??? just disappear??? Its not like he was married and he had a kid so he had to try to stay a bit longer with her...What will you do 'if' he cheats again.. what about the time you wasted on him... all the problems hes going to create you after... once your heart gets broken than its hard to put the pieces back together because at the end you may have lost some of them... you say its been 4 months... i say try to get some proof he loves.. ok so now he tells you where he is and tried to be nice... make him do something crazy for you... something to prove his love for you... after not leaving him from what he had done.. you deserve it!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This guy is playing you like a fiddle. He isn't serious about you, he isn't serious about his ex, he just wants to have a steady girl and a bunch of others on the side and you are putting up with it.
The first time he fought with you was his way out to go sleep with his ex and you took him back! We teach people how to treat us, so why should he think you would leave if he cheats again. Any one can clean up their act for a couple of months, or get better at lying and hiding their goings on, but this guy doesn't really care about anyone but himself.
I would break up with him, the best thing about this is you will no longer have to live in fear that he is a cheater. You don't need this, you are young, get out and date several guys, enjoy being single, and the right guy for you will work to meet your standards as long as you have some. You are the prize, you are the person who is selecting the men, not the other way around. He needs to earn your trust and you don't have to stop doing anything, he is the one who broke the trust here, he is the one who needs to do the work, but sadly, he is not worth it....he is hooking up with other girls behind your back while telling you he loves you? Words are easy, look at his actions and that will tell you all you need to know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Well as soon as you found out he had slept with someone, you should of broke up with him then! If all you can think about is him betraying you, then obviously it's not ment to be! I'm sorry to tell you this but it seems that yall were never ment to be from the beginning! I mean you fought over a freakin hat! Here's some advice! Next time you get in a relationship make sure he commits to you 100 percent before you start dating or anything!
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