A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been dating this man for about a month, give or take. and it takes me awhile to get use to, open up to someone, but on the other hand he is very talkative, intelligent, comprehensive, sesquipedalian. i love that but, when he asks me questions i feel put on the spot and dumb founded. honestly im not a person of big educated words, and dont want to sit in front of a dictionary just to understand and communicate with him.I also dont want to constantly ask him, huh?, what?, what does that mean? what do i do??? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 April 2013):
I don't think vocabulary is the issue. I'm intelligent and can hold an intelligent conversation, but I'm not a vocabulary nerd by any stretch.
If you have a hard time understanding concepts, that's another Issue altogether. And, as stated by someone else, may indicate a lack of compatibility.
That doesn't necessarily mean the two of you are doomed. My wife is the same way as you (not unintelligent, just not knowledgeable about the same things as I). But there were enough things about her that I really appreciated, so I didn't feel it was a deal breaker. I just have to get that intellectual stimulation elsewhere.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 You are not a person of big educated words ? Are you kidding me ?
I can say I speak English very fluently ( considering it's not my mothertongue ) - yet I got stumped at " sesquipedalian " . I thought it had something to do with Canada, then I remembered that was "Saskatchewan ".
Anyway, there's absolutely nothing wrong or embarassing in asking to rephrase a concept in simpler words. That's exactly how you learn languages , and since, in a way, you are communicating both in English, but in different languages , it will be useful to both. You'll enrich your vocabulary , and he, hopefully, will learn to express himself in a simpler, more accessible way.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Ahh, he may be pulling out the vocabulary words to impress you. In your case, if you think that you're compatible with him, then don't be afraid to ask him what he means, or what some $50 word means. It's not a lack of intelligence for you to say something like "He uses a lot of long, technical, or antiquated words in his conversation" as opposed to "he's sesquipedalian".
I can also tell by your post that you are every bit as intelligent and can express yourself well. There are many on here who have asked questions and couldn't spell even simply words or even knew what punctuation is.
You are equal to him. Asking about a word he says is easy, and it may give him the idea that using big words is a communication stumbling block as opposed to a device used to impress you. Next time he uses a word you don't know, ask him to define it. When he does, just very nicely and sweetly ask him to say it "that" way.
Example:
Him: "You blow me away with your pulchritude"
You: "Is that a compliment? What does that mean?"
Him: "I mean you're really beautiful"
You: **smiling** "You could have said that from the start."
Using large words doesn't show intelligence. Being able to communicate is a more intelligent maneuver.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Lol well clearly your vocab is all right because that "sus" word you used went straight over my head. And I have a relatively decent vocabulary. I had to read it like, fifty times just to try to pronounce it.
Maybe you two aren't very compatible. My ex and I were like this. I enjoy long and thought out intellectual conversations and she hates them. She wanted to talk about gossip or light, casual things. I irritated her often by wanting more depth and she irritated me by not wanting it. We broke up for other reasons, but that surely didn't help. Now I'm with someone who enjoys talks like I do and she's with someone more suiting for her. You two have only been dating a month. So you're not that far into it.
If you two really do like each other a lot, you've got to tell him how you feel. Don't pretend you're someone you're not just for the sake of pleasing a guy.
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