A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello! Are there any guys out there who have been turned down by a woman only for this woman to contact them a few months later expressing a change of heart? In other words, have any guys experienced a "When no [eventually] means yes." situation? Also, if a woman turns down a man and does NOT put him into the friend-zone at the same time (i.e. she does not say "Can we just be friends?"), does this mean that she wants to keep him interested so as to boost her ego knowing that men love a challenge? I look forward to your exciting replies! Many thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (5 October 2008):
As a woman I generally turn down a guy if:
a) I only like him as a friend
b) I don't like him
c) The time is not right.
Your situation could be a case of option C. If a family member has just died, she has just split up with someone else, is going through exam or work stress, or is a spy and has been in Korea for 3 months, then she may have got herself sorted and got back in touch.
As for the whole "turning down but not putting in the friend zone" then it could be a case of option B. Or it could be a case that she fancies you but doesn't see you as boyfriend / friend material so may continue to flirt. That shows that she's shallow but it could happen with some girls.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Yeah. Sounds like a crush to me. If you've asked out a girl who is available then 'no' usually means 'no'. If she's off limits (e.g. married) then 'no' is usually her default reply. Don't expect her to change her mind over-night though. If she is married then you may have sown a seed of doubt in her mind as to whether she is actually with 'the one' after all. Could be in for a long wait for this seed to germinate (months/years) and have her chasing you. But that is what you must do. I think the golden rule is that once you've asked her out then you have to walk away and give her time to re-think as necessary. On balance though I'd say 'no' usually means 'no'. From my experience I'd say that if you don't have a gut feeling that she is going to say 'yes' then you should not even consider popping the question. Also, always ask a woman out from a position of strength (a 'take it or leave it' attitude) rather than a position of weakness (i.e. needy). Best foot forward. Hope this helps! Good luck, mate!
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A
male
reader, Ziggy Z  +, writes (5 October 2008):
Sounds like you have a bit of a crush going. My personal experience...once thay say no, that usually means no. There is the odd time where a girl won't want to go futher because she is in a relationship, finally ends the relationship and then may be interested. But it very, very rareley happens that way. Reality-she turned you down. Don't act desperate..move on.
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