A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:How big do you think age gaps in relationships should be? In all kinds of relationships: friendships, romantic relationships, sex buddies. Do generational differences get in the way? When does an age gap become too much to relate to someone in specific relationships? I like a guy 15 years older than me and we get on very well. It just made me wonder if it's worth the hassle to have any kind of relationship with a person this much older. What could be the reasons for being able to relate to someone older or younger? And do you think gender affects the outcome of a relationship? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lady_Lynette  +, writes (17 September 2016):
 The age gap becomes to big when the younger partner is overheard telling a prospective lover / mistress that you are just an old lady he is living with and caring for. The age gap is to big when your much younger husband tells the woman he's having an affair with he wants to leave. He wants to travel across country to be with her but, you, his geriatric charge is having a hard time with the separation. The age gap is to big when the other woman tells your younger spouse to pack his clothes and walk out. This woman who knows nothing but the lies and half truths your husband has told her coldly says your lawful spouse should say goodbye leaving you to deal with the desertion the best way you can. The age gap is to big when the younger partner refuses to have sex with his older spouse or he tells his older spouse to go find her someone to sleep with but, remember to bring the money home to younger spouse. The age gap is to big when the marital partners have nothing in common. If you despise his friends and the activities they engage in the age gap is to big. When one partner is in depends underwear and the other partner wears fruit of the looms with cartoon characters the age gap is to big. When the younger partner watches cartoons while his.senior marriage partner listens to the ten o,clock news before bed . The age gap is to wide. The age Gap is to wide when your partner purposely calls you " Granny" or introduces you as his mama, or his sugar mama. The age gap is to wide when you begin to see your marriage partner as a son or perhaps a foster child; or an orphan you adopted. The age gap is to big when the union a one way love affair. He loves the older partner. But, he is not in love with her.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (12 September 2016):
Age gaps are fine when both adults are fully developed physically and mentally (aka the 25+ age bracket). I'm personally still not in favor of huge age gaps even then (the whole awkward, dating a guy who could have been your dad deal) but by then your brain at least has been fully developed and you've accumulated a bit of life experience.
At your age I started dating a guy of about 30. He seemed sweet, he had a car, his own house, a well paying job. He was also very manipulative, and with me being 17, I was simply no match for him. I thought he loved me. I was wrong. He ended up doing a lot of damage. Even if you're just planning on hooking up with him for sex, don't think you'll come out on the other side unscathed. Most teenagers think they can separate emotions from sex and most of them simply can't. Hell, I'm 28 now and it's still hard for me.
Being close to your guy's age, I cannot understand what a guy of thirty could see in a teenager. The mental gap is just too big. Even if you're the smartest teenager that ever lived, you've still only lived 16/17 years on this planet, and you can't buy life experience. The only reason a man of his age would want a girl of your age is because you're naive and easily manipulated. A woman of his own age will not put up with any BS. So if he cannot deal with that and turns to young girls instead, it's a pretty big red flag you shouldn't ignore.
At 30, your personality is basically set in stone. This is basically who you're gonna be for the rest of your life unless something earth shattering happens. If at 30, you find yourself seeking out teenagers instead of other people who are fully developed both physically and mentally, something's gone wrong with your own development.
Now I know you're a teenager and I remember being one myself, which means you might be too stubborn to listen to us. But remember, there's a little voice in the back of your head that propelled you to go to this site and ask your question. Listen to that little voice when you're near this guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2016): The older you are, the less age gaps matter. But at your age going 15 years up is far too much.
I agree that a 30yo guy should not view a 17yo as an option even if he is attracted to her.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 September 2016):
 Sorry, just saw you aren't from the states, as I referenced what state you live in.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (12 September 2016):
Judging by your age range, I would be the approximate age of the person you're asking about. With that being said, I would NEVER consider a dating/sexual relationship with someone your age. It may not be illegal depending on the state you live in, but it would be wrong. For one, I have friends with kids your age, and two, you're still technically a minor. It's just unacceptable in my book for a grown adult to take advantage of a child in that way (no offense).
Secondly, as far as being friends, I would view a friendship with someone your age to be more like a mentor-type relationship. I would see you like a kid. Not like one of my friends I get together to hang out with.
I think if this person is interested in you in any other type of way than what I mentioned above, I would really question his integrity and intentions. It's pretty immoral, in my opinion.
As far as age gap friendships/relationships go in general, as long as both are adults, it's fair game. My roommates are 41 and 50, while I'm 32. But when we hang out, the age difference is nothing. In fact, the apartment and bills are all in my name and I'm more like the "mature" adult amongst us all. At our age, the difference isn't noticeable. And same applies to dating. When you're an adult, it doesn't make much difference. At your age, it makes a world of difference. Please be careful here.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (12 September 2016):
I must have written this more than ten times here.
.5M + 7 = min W.
Works at any age.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2016): The law sets the acceptable gaps between children and adults. Once you become a legal adult, that's entirely up to you to decide.
On the other hand, your parents will enforce these laws within their household; while you're under their care and protection.
I assume your post is meant for the purpose of challenging the authority of the law or your parents. It's a no-win situation if you are under legal-age; and either your parents or the law do not agree to the age-gap between you and someone much older than you.
Most of the time, these oddly-matched relationships die by self-elimination; because certain complications come about that don't always let huge age differences workout.
Once you're an adult, you can decide what age-differences are still attractive to you; but that doesn't mean you won't get unwanted opinion and judgment from others.
There is an ick-factor when there are extremes, and sometimes there is something mentally wrong with a very old person who can only be attracted to people so young it's almost shunned publicly. Some rules are set by public opinion my dear, and extreme age-differences sometimes don't survive these opinions.
Oh, you'll get the very accepting commentary that it's fine as long as two people love each other. Whoopty-do with that. Only when you become a parent yourself will the age-difference between your kid and someone super older person will matter. Even when that kid is an adult.
Love has some challenges that work against it, and it depends on whether that love is strong enough and healthy enough to endure.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 September 2016):
 It’s interesting that you mentioned “sex buddies” as one of the relationship choices.
“Sex buddies” means what, exactly, to you? If you asked your parent how would they define “sex buddies” what do you think they would say?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 September 2016):
 As you know, relationships are more than just getting along well. Getting along is the base requirement. As you get to know each other deeply, you will want to know that your life goals match. Examples are, would you move away for college, work? Would you want to get married and have kids in the next few years? Do you want believe relationships are for long term, and with one person only or do you believe you should be free to leave when the relationship runs its course? You have to live long enough to know your preferences. Other things that are important are common interests. Like being able to converse on various topics, or what you like to do on the weekends.
As for sex buddies All you need is willingness and the ability to keep your emotions in check. I don't hear any problems regarding differences in ages when it's all casual. Although some older men would feel guilty taking your virginity because your first experience should be special and that you are in love.
To be able to relate, it would be similar experiences growing up, being of the same ethnic and economic background. Gender affects the outcome of the relationship, if you are mostly heterosexual. When there's sexual attraction you will want to be more than friends. At your age you will be curious about relationships and be open to just anyone. As you get older you would be more selective as you don't want to waste time.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (12 September 2016):
 I don't think gender does, other than general preferences.
Anyway, I don't think 15 years matters after 30, but before that, the difference is too big, in my opinion. Also, a 31 year old shouldn't see a teen as dateable. If they do, that's a massive red flag.
After 25, 5+ year age gaps are less important. However, under that, it's not usually advisable. I strongly suggest being mature about this and letting it go.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 September 2016):
 In general, I don't mind age-gaps at all, but... I think they are rarely appropriate for MOST people under 25.
Unless we talk maybe 1 year age difference, after age 18 maybe 1-3 years.
Why do I say 25? Well, at 25 most people will have had SOME life-experience. Work, love, socially, education wise, maybe even traveled a little. Before 25? Well.... a lot of people under 25 are still living at home, not providing for themselves, not working full time, maybe not dated much and probably isn't as independent as they CAN become in a few years. For me, 25 is when you are HAVING to BE an adult, before that? you can get away with being a "young adult" and lesser responsibilities in general - I know that SOME 21 year old are WAY more responsible than other young people who are older than them, so it's just a guideline, really.
If you are 16-17 and he is 28-29 I find it a bit gross in HIS end. To me, a guy at that is dating BARELY teen girls, is someone kind of immature, who CAN NOT date a girl his own age because they see him for what he is.
The relationship is "uneven". He has WAY more experience in ALL aspects and thus, the "boss" of the relationship. The one who not only sets the tone but make the rules. And especially when the younger party is female I find it, that young women (well, women of any age really but more so the young) will do things for an older partner to "keep" the relationship going. To please the guy. And because they do NOT know better. (lack of experience).
What does a guy at almost 30 have in common with a 16-year-old? Seriously? What does he have in common that good for a relationship?
I have a niece who started dating a 35-year-old when she was 18. And I find it upsetting. I feel like he TOOK advantage of her vulnerability (her parents were divorcing at the time she was 16 and they had just moved to a crappier neighborhood because of the divorce). He isn't supporting her emotionally, all his "gifts" are things like lingerie, he "can't" be seen with her in public as a couple, etc. It's just not a good situation.
And at 16-17 I definitely don't think people should be so careless with sex and sexual partners, regardless of the partner's age. I think casual sex is for MATURE people (and I don't mean old folks here, but people who can separate emotions from the sex and who can HANDLE the issues that can happen with casual sex).
Basically an age gap as the one you mention, I regard as an "older" guy taking advantage of a young inexperienced and often naive person. I just don't like it.
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