A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have met a guy on an internet dating site - we've only met up 3 times but all seems to be going well though it's still very early days. My question is how many dates do you think it should be before he stops looking at other prospective dates??? Or is it a case that whilst we are still members of the dating website, its protocol to keep searching until member ships are up???Afterall - money has been paid up front.I would love to make a go of things with him but I do get its too early to hedge our bets after only a few dates.Any thoughts.Thank you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you anonymous - that makes alot of sense....Haven't got a clue what he could be up to behind my back....
Appreciate your kind words.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you rythmandblues - you made me smile!
Thank you older sister - yep, am jumping the gun somewhat....am surprrised I wasn't born prematurely with my eagerness!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I think after exactly 12 dates you should both close up your accounts and ride of happily into the sunset.
I am KIDDING, there is not set number of dates or a set in stone answer to your question.
I think though that you are getting overly ambitious. If a guy you met on a dating site has asked you out on three dates, well that is pretty good, it is a good start.
However, he is talking to and meeting other people and hopefully so are you, and you would be best to continue to do so until he asks you to stop, or he steps up and asks you for an exclusive relationship, and even then I would still keep your options open because that can be a trap for YOU.
Because men and women see relationships differently. We women put a lot of stock in events, number of dates, time together, vacations spent, family met, friends met, etc...we think that means something to him, that it means he is commiting to getting to happily ever after. But it really doesn't for him, to him it is just dating and he can get off that path any time he wants to do so.
Until he steps up and claims you as the ONE, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, makes a commitment to marry you with a ring and a date, he is not committed to you, he is dating you, and you have taken yourself off the market for what, a steady date?????
So keep your heart open to other men until you get to that happily ever after stage. It isn't really smart to do otherwise. And if he continues to date others or keep his account open then that is a very good indication that you should be doing the same.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you caringguy - have been thinking about broaching the subject next time I see him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): I would say be careful. There is no guarentee that you are the only one he has been dating. Dating websites activly encourage multiple dating. The "try before you buy" kind of mantra. I have done this, and been very hurt, because I believe in dating only one person at a time, and I could not deal with the guy activly looking for, and taking other women out on dates. It crushed my confidence totally.I was dating this guy for 4 months, and he refused to take his profile down, even though I had taken mine down within a week of meeting him. We split up, because unbenknown to me, he had met up and dated another women (who lived 3 hrs away), who he thought he might want to date in the future, and wanted to try us both to see which one he prefered. You have to be so careful with internet dating, because there is always the urge to think "what if" the grass is greener on the otherside of the fence. Please be careful.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2009):
Tell him you'd like the idea of taking it further. See what his reaction is. If he likes the idea of taking it further, he will. If he's a reluctant, I'd say that he might be playing the field a little bit, so be careful you don't get hurt. x
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