A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey to you all :) I have a question?? When do you give up wanting to be in a relationship? I'm almost 21 and I have NO luck with guys. Yeah I know I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me and blah blah blah lol! But when I tell you I can't find not 1 guy that wants a relationship, its like I have the words "you can have sex with me after 5 mins" on my forehead! Its SO annoying!!! I meet different ppl, I go out, I'm nice, I smile, I'm not desparate, I'm funny. Its like I'm meant to be alone ALREADY!!! All my friends have boyfriends, and all they want to talk about are they boyfriends and how happy they are, and their so happy their not like me alone 24/7. My mom, my aunt and my cousins ask me all the time "why don't you have a boyfriend" and I just say I don't know!? I just don't want to be 35 before I meet a nice guy ( not trying to be disrespetful ) or go out on a date with! So by me being alone 24/7 and besides school and working I'm just lonelyyyy!!So by me always alone, it makes me run back to my FWB guy but this time its different because I can't get in touch with him. Everytime I leave him alone I go back because I'm lonely and he's always there. He wanted me to be his girlfriend but me thinking I would meet someone else said No like 10 times! Now I feel stupid, and I can tell he liked me but I don't know if he still does. I really liked him too but I just know the saying, don't catch feelings for your FWB so I pushed mines away and now I regret it. I really feel like I'm going to be alone forever.. And I'm happy for my friends but I just don't want to listen to them talk about their boyfriends all day! Like hello what about meeee? So my question is do u ever just give up on wanting a relationship and just die alone and lonely while everyone be happy and have someone that they call on their own? Or do you make yourself like someone so you too can say I have someone? Idk I'm just sad :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate *****
Well things have changed..me and my fwb guy don't talk anymore..
When i tried to tell him that i want us to become into a real relationship he was going thru things with his mom about school ( who he is very close too) so he was already upset and i guess i added fuel to the fire so he got me upset because he wouldnt let me talk so than he yelled at me talk (which he never did) & i hung up and we never talked again and that was May 20th. i was sad because i really do care for him :( i did met 2 guys; i was working and they werent so good... The 1st guy was rude and he stood me up for a date.. and the 2nd guy was horrible he text me after 30 mins asking Me how do i look naked so we never talked again.. So that's my update its not good but i guess that's how things are going to end ... Thanks for reading aunts :p
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 Look, this guy who you call your FWB really likes you, and probably cares for you a whole lot. Otherwise he wouldn't be asking you to be his girl or stay in touch and give you christmas gifts etc. If you actually care for him as well then I see no reason why you shouldn't be with him. Don't let self imposed labels get in your way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do want a real relationship! Just because I turned down my FWB guy doesn't mean I don't. But maybe your right maybe I should be with him, that's if he would take me. I haven't seen him in a month and just yesterday before work he pop up at my house and came over because he lost my number and he told me he loved me, I had a great day indeed :) so ill tell him that I want to try to be in a realtionship with him. I am scared becuase he can say no just like I told him. Even tho I didn't say it in a rude way.. The main thing I said to him was "ill let you know when I'm ready to be with you" so yup! Ima tell him in person, so wish me luck. We haven't had sex since Dec after he and I exchanged xmas gifts :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 March 2012):
So you've met tons of guys who wants to use you for sex and nothing more. You saying no thanks to that doesn't mean you don't have a sign that says "desperate" on your forehead. You attract these men for a reason. Maybe you don't see the signs early enough to avoid going on these dates/communicate with them. But if so then you need to adjust your vision so you can see the guys who aren't like this as well.
And I still don't get the part with your FWB. There, right there, you have proof that there are guys who want relationships, real relationships. I mean you said he asked you 10 times already. You're the flirt, not him. You're the one who uses him just for sex, not the other way around. But if you continue to ignore these men who actually WANT commitment, well what right do you have to cry about not finding a man who wants a real relationship with you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would like to thank all of you for answering my question. But some of the things you guys said was a little off, not trying to be rude or anything. But I don't dress slutty! Not what so ever! I dress with class :) or sometimes plain lol.
And about my FWB guy he's the guy I've known for years and he's also my first FWB and I don't want another 1 what so ever. I had sex with less than 4 guys soo I'm not out there with guys. And I don't think I'm desperate; because the guys I have been meeting, 1 told me if he takes me to Chillis I would have to have sex with him next and I would have to wear a skirt beacuse I'm so uptight! So I nexted him! The next guy I met told me to come over at 2 a.m. Than the next day he text me saying come over at 5 a.m. So I Next him! Meaning I stop talking too lol. The next guy told me if come see me I have to let him in my room, so once again no! The next guy bought me fast food than tried to have sex with me in his car so I said NO once again!! So I don't think I'm desperate. I just want my first relation that's all. I don't think its harm in that. And 1 time when I was working, not school at the moment I didn't meet no guys and it stayed like that for 10 months than my FWB guy came back to me. We didn't have sex until 4 months later!! So now you see why I think I'm going to be alone!! I've met more guys even a 33 year old man who I also said no thanks!! So I hope you guys understand a little more. Thanks for reading AGAIN :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2012): The guys are out there. If you can't find one then you are shopping for guys out of your league or just the wrong type in general.
The fact that lots of guys try to get sex from you doesn't mean that is all anyone wants. Guys who want relationships are picky and hit on few girls. Guys who just want sex hit on everything that walks. It gives girls the mistaken impression that there are WAY more of the sex-seekers than the girlfriend-seekers.
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female
reader, nnw4  +, writes (16 March 2012):
Sometimes you pass up the things that are right in front of your eyes. You look so long at the closed door that you don't realize there is another one that is open. You should have given FWB a chance. Who knows it might have flourished into a healthy relationship. Don't judge a book by it's cover instead read the pages and figure out the story line
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 March 2012):
You say you are lonely. Well get a dog then. Boyfriends aren't there to stop you from feeling lonely. A boyfriend isn't a pet. A boyfriend is a real live person, but you talk about "them" and "boyfriend" as it was something you could normally pick up at the store, but they're all sold out.
If the guys you meet don't want to be with you then YOU don't want to be with them! Not all men are worth dating, and not all men are going to be good for you even if they "agree" to be your boyfriend. You need to set some standards, stop being desperate, and stop being needy.
" it makes me run back to my FWB guy " Well I guess THAT is one of the reasons you aren't experiencing any luck with the men. You're already occupied with your FWB. Believe me, he is just distracting you and keeping your eyes closed so you can't see other men. If you are sincere about finding a boyfriend you cut to cut out any "in between" relationships you've got going. It'll just sabotage your plans.
"He wanted me to be his girlfriend but me thinking I would meet someone else said No like 10 times!" See? What on earth were you on about earlier with the "can't find anyone who wants me". This guy wants you. Now thats one. There are probably tons of others too.
If you are this worried about having "the boyfriend", and it barely matters who the boyfriend is, then just make it official with your FWB. I really do not see what you are going on and on about. You want a boyfriend so desperately? Well then grab the guy who's already asked you like 10 times.... What are you expecting out of a relationship? Unicorns and rainbows? Magic knight on a white horse? Why aren't you with this guy already who obviously wants you and who you even had feelings for... this is just getting insane.
If you don't want him leave him alone. If you are desperate and needy to have a boyfriend, and keep running back to this guy anyway, and are willing to give it up after 5 minutes for a guy to be with you, then you are insane to not BE with the one who actually is there right in front of your nose.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 March 2012):
 First things first - you have said there is 'not 1 guy that wants a relationship' with you. Well thats a lie - your FWB wanted a relationship but you said no!!! So clearly men like you and want relationships with you, it is just your standard that are causing the problems. You thought you could do better than him.
So the real problem is 'there is no 1 guy that I fancy who wants to go out with me'. That is a very different problem to dying alone etc. You are very overdramatic going on like that when you turned some poor guy down 10 times yet you are happy to use him for sex!
People very rarely die lonely, there is no need aged 21 to give up on relationships. Stop with the drama and chill out a bit. And you definitely should never go out with someone for the sake of it and force yourself to like them, because that is not fair on the guy and will not be a good start for a successful relationship.
I know it is a rubbish saying but you just have to be patient and stop thinking about boys 24/7. There is more to life you know!
Get yourself some hobbies so you become a more interesting person and you will meet new people in the process. Go out as much as you can but dont go out with the view that you have to meet someone that night, just go out for a good time with friends and forget about men. Try online dating if you want, that is a great way to start going out on dates and at least that way you are being proactive about finding a man.
And put at stop to your FWB, and never have another FWB again. If you are the type of girl that has FWB relationships then men automatically assume you are easy and will give them sex right away, because that is what FWB's are there for. I dont know how you dress or what sort of make-up you wear etc but is there a chance you wear revealing clothes that give the wrong idea to men? Or do you wear loads of make-up? If you have a certain look about you men could mistake that for being up for casual sex, so maybe try toning down your look a bit and try a different, classier style.
Your time will come, I promise, just dont give up and dont obsess so much. Find other things to fill your time that doesnt resolve around boys and a nice guy will come eventually, chances are when you have stopped looking and are not expecting it.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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