A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What constitues cheating?Some friends of ours got into a heated argument with my wife and I about what is cheating. Besides the obvious physical sexual contact, or emotional attachment to someone other than your spouse, what is cheating?2 examples:I occasionally go out after work with work friends, sometimes it is just myself and a female co-worker, just for appetizers and drinks, and mostly to talk about work. Is that cheating?My wife still keeps in contact (mostly via e-mail, but sometimes on the phone) with an ex-boyfriend she was with for 3 years. I know all about it, and even read her e-mails sometimes. Is that cheating?Where is the line drawn? I've seen some opinions that going out with, or talking to people of the opposite sex (including ex's) is cheating, even if nothing sexual is implied. I've also seen some people that feel that if there is no actual 'physical' contact then anything goes, phone sex or chat room masturbation is OK and it's not cheating. Where is the line for what is cheating?
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female
reader, kissxmexagainx +, writes (5 March 2009):
 cheating is whatever you && your wife define cheating as. if neither of you have a problem with what the other is doing, && don't consider it cheating, then it's not. It's different in every relationship, some things are cheating to some people while to others it's just having fun. it's whatever you define it as in your relationship as long as you both agree on it. don't worry about what other people define it as.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Also, sometimes it 'sneaks' up on you. You can be in a nice friendship with the opposite sex, and one day they do or say something you needed to hear or feel and you get this sinking feeling you're falling for them. That's when you need to step back and Remember your spouse is No.1. It's easier to walk away in the beginning, but much harder if you do nothing(go into denial) and let things happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): I agree with the last poster, your wife should stick away from people who will have an effect on your marriage and I'm sure you will respond in a positive way once you both make an effort to consider the effects of both your actions on each other. Marriage is about doing the best for each other and making each other safe,happy and comfortable with life.If you love each other then this shoudn't be to big a deal.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): I think people have already said it well about what is cheating, it depends on you both. But I'd like to talk about something else. Consideracy is needed on both parts.
If your wife has problems with you going out even for an innocent lunch/coffer/tea with a person she'll be uncomfortable with then I think you need to avoid those certain people.
And if your wife is talking with people that you would find uncomfortable with her talking to even if it is via e-mail, she needs to avoid those certain people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Cheating is when you have reason to hide a freindship between two people of the opposite sex. If it is only freindship then you will openely involve your partner and talk openely about another freindship.When you start talking to someone and hiding your conversations or private discussions then you have something to hide. Marriage is based on trust, so why hide any part of your freindship with your husband/wife.That is the start of the emmotional side,any physical contact well that goes without saying doesn't it.E-mailing behind your partneres back is also cheating as you are hiding something again that you are building into a private relationship that you don't want to be found out fro.Anything that can be construed as secretive is cheating. Why hide a freind should they not be allowed also to be freindly with your partner?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 It all depends on the boundaries you make in the relationship. A person knows when they're involved in something that is wrong. Lets face it, attractions happen. They are natural. There are plenty of women I find very attractive but I wouldn't cheat if they were throwing it at me. I also don't go out of my way to be alone with them because I'm married.
People have a way of giving themselves permission to get in over their heads because the convince themselves they'd never cheat. they get bored at home. In order to have a decent friendship with a member of the opposite sex, your main relationship at home needs to be in great shape. If there are cracks in the relationship it could lead to trouble.
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A
female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (4 March 2009):
I think if both partners are open with each other,and feel comfortable enough with that situation why not.I am with someone who takes female friends out,and i don't feel jealous,i too have an exboyfriend whom i talk to on line.Big deal.For me its great to be in a relationship where i don't feel insecue.Its freeing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): Rather than getting caught up in technical terms, I believe that two people who care about each other should treat each other with respect and in the best ways they know how! And everyone's needs are different!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): If you're making significant efforts to keep something a secret from your partner, then it's cheating. Whether it's sex with the other person or just going out to lunch & pecking on the cheek.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Cheating is whatever you and your partner decide. Some people are very open about things and some are very up tight. There is no set rule, and it's entirely down to the couple.
In my opinion, having dinner with a colleague or chatting to an ex online isn't cheating. Having cyber sex, and kissing your colleague would be, but as I said that's just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 March 2009):
 That's between a husband and wife. I think if you do anything that you have to hide from your significant other you probably are cheating. If you do something that you can't do in front of your wife/husband or at least with their knowledge, you are cheating. It's up to each relationship as to where the line is drawn in the sand.
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