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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: When is a good time to tell a guy you're on your period? Seems like every boyfriend since high school gets really grossed out or mad at me when I tell him.In high school I didn't have to because I only had three boyfriends. The one I only dated until everyone said we were dating and I called him my boyfriend. Then he dumped me and told me he always thought I was annoying. We didn't even kiss. The second one I kissed but only twice because we had to sneak to see eachother and that meant I had to pretend to see my friends and they said they didn't want to cover for me so they would tell if we didn't break up. The third guy my friends were okay with because they introduced us. But that meant I couldn't see them because they would drop me off we him and hang out without me. They told me to give him a Chance and wouldn't let me break up with him. Not only did I feel bad I was missing out, all he wanted to do was kiss and the one time he finally convinced me to let him finger me it was OK until I got go school and all the guys were laughing because I didn't know I was supposed to shave. I've been shaving ever since.Now Ive been with three guys. The first one I was drunk at a party and not used to beer so I passed out after three. He had his roommate take me home and when I called the next day he told me not to talk to him and that I should of told him I was on my period because that was disgusting. The second guy was a boyfriend I thought but when he started trying to put his hand down my pants I told him and he screamed "what! Why did you even come over?" Then he calmed doy and asked if I could at least give him a blow job. I told him no and that I was dumping him. Then he told me I was never his girlfriend anyway.This last guy, I was going to come over again but when I told him nothing below the waist because I was on my period, he told me I was grossing him out and not to even bother. He won't answer my calls or texts.Aren't college guys supposed to be more mature?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 April 2016):
 You just tell him it's the time of the month. Or, just say "not this week" and hope he's not daft.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 April 2016):
 OP, there are so many things in this followup you posted (assuming it was you?) that need addressing.
First of all, no one should be able to coerce you into dating someone you don’t want to date. That suggests that you are a victim of bullying and that should have been addressed at the time, with the HS counselor or your parents.
This paragraph fills me with deep concern for you: "Since I'm in college I douche but my parents wouldn't even let me get a cell phone or bike let alone a drivers license so its their fault. I think that one poster was right that they were not my friends. I just wanted to laugh and date and have fun and only do oral stuff because I feel like I hve to. But wish they would do it back, I shower 2 or 3 times a day and wear a lot of deoderant and perfume so I don’t stink”
First of all, douching is NOT recommended. Your vagina is a self-cleansing organ and you should NOT be squirting chemicals up there without discussing them all with your gynecologist. Don’t have a gynecologist? Get one. ASAP! Go to plannedparenthood.org and find a local clinic or contact your university’s health clinic for a referral. You are officially an adult and no one can inform your parents without your consent.
As for the comment that your parents wouldn’t allow you to do certain things? You are an adult and can apply for a driver’s license now. You can buy cell phones at all sorts of places. You can buy a bicycle. You can emancipate yourself legally from them.
You are now officially an adult and are legally able to make choices for yourself.
If you don’t want to perform oral sex on a guy, DON’T DO IT. No one is forcing you. If they are, you are being coerced and you will need to report them.
The whole thing about passing out and the guy commenting on your period? Oh my goodness. You were the victim of non-consensual sex and you are too scared to tell someone. I get why, but you need to contact a rape crisis center to get some counseling. I am completely serious. You need to be talking to someone about all these things that are happening to you without your consent.
If you don’t want to do sex stuff YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT! SAY NO! IF THEY DON’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER THEN REPORT THEM!
Sorry for the all caps but you need to become your own best friend and advocate now as it appears you are the victim of all kinds of users and abusers and parents who have handicapped you.
What you wrote is very very sad and very alarming. You need professional advocates and counseling to help you get that self-esteem, that assertiveness, the basic knowledge about your body and sexuality so you aren’t continually victimized as your post reports.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2016):
 Don't get sexual so fast?
And if a guy goes ewww over menstruation/female body hair... walk away immediately, but not before calling him out on it. Telling him how immature and ignorant he is. Don't let some guy try and "shame" you for something as NATURAL as having your period. After all, it's NOT like we women have any major control in that area. It's what nature gave us.
I DO think it has a LOT to do with you and YOUR social skills. You can blame all kind of things on your parents, but that won't fix the issues you are now dealing with.
IT IS possible to date a guy and NOT have him finger you or expecting blow-jobs while in the "get to know you" stage, which if you take it REAL slow (and he is a Keeper) can take a good 4-7 months. And planning dates around your cycle is also a SMART thing to do. Doesn't mean you have to HIDE the fact that you ARE a woman and that you DO have a few days a month were you menstruate. It's freaking natural! So are body hairs.
If you ONLY seem to go for guys who LOOK a certain way it's kind of a crap shoot. Because there is no guarantee that you will find one with a good personality of the LOOKS are all you focus on.
If a guy shoots you down when you are being assertive, HE is NOT a Keeper. It's really simple!
I sometimes feel like we (as a society) are backsliding into ignorance. Here in the States the sex ed is ABYSMAL and it's no wonder the country has as many unwanted teen-pregnancies as there are, when parents/teacher/politicians think that preaching abstinence is going to make kids avoid sex. It's not.
It sounds like you WANT to date, but you aren't ready for sex. And that combo can be a hard balancing act. And I think the ONLY way around it is to BE upfront about your expectations (like no sex for the first x months etc.) that way you can weed out the "I just want sex" kind of dudes.
Use common sense. Go slow. Don't fall for peer pressure so easily. No friend can DICTATE that you HAVE to date someone. It's your prerogative to say no. Or Heck no!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): OP here. 1st Auntie (anon): THANK YOU! I wish I was as assertive as I want to be. I want to tell guys that if they are willing to stick their dick in it, they shouldn't be so concerned about what comes out of it. But I get shot down everytime I try to show confidence. I mean, I had a HS friend (S---, one of the girls who set me up with A---- and wouldn’t let me dump him) who totally said, “If you don’t like what you see, don’t look” but when I tried that, I got shot down right away.Miss CindyCares: Yes, I really felt stupid for not knowing I was supposed to shave that because my parents wouldn’t let me shave even my legs or armpits until high school and even then, it was always an all girls school Um, I actually don’t want to "bag" any guy and while I do do oral (on a guy) almost no one wants to do it to me, but they "guess" they will finger me which I secretly think is unfair. Since I'm in college I douche but my parents wouldn't even let me get a cell phone or bike let alone a drivers license so its their fault. I think that one poster was right that they were not my friends. I just wanted to laugh and date and have fun and only do oral stuff because I feel like I hve to. But wish they would do it back, I shower 2 or 3 times a day and wear a lot of deoderant and perfume so I don't stink2nd Anon Anutie: Yah. I thought me and Johnny was boyfriend and girlfriend because everyone said we was, he made me laugh a lot and it hurt my feelings he thought I was annoying I thought he was funny but he was just making fun of me. I felt real bad that I had to sneak to see M, the second guy, because my parents made everything impossible and my friends didn't like him because he smoked weed. The third guy, L, was annoying but he was N---- and A-----’s neighbor and they really wanted me to date him and they even said I was stupid for not shaving Maybe they are bad friends because I think they were sort of mean and thought they were trying to get rid of me most of tje time. They made fun of me a lot. And the college guys, like the first one, C---, I don’t remember telling him that I want4ed to do anything but make out. I passed out bu8t I was wearing a pad so that is the only way he knew. That seems bad of him but I can't tell campus police because I would get in trouble for underage drinking and waht if they call my parents?Female Anon: It seems like they only want sex stuff, and I really don't even like it. My main dream is to have a boyfiend where we could go to dances and parties and picnics and movies and only make out with our clothes on and sit and talk for hours. That is now it all startrs off, like I LOVE a guy who makes me laugh. Most guys I have been with are blue eyed with braces or real curly hair and kinda fat which is weird but yeah. I mean, if a guy is skinny with brown eyes and shaved head he's cute too but I don't know. He has to smell nice or something. I’m really weird but as long as he’s funny he would be perfectMale anon aunt: OK, I know a lot of girls here at [school] who get to tell the boys want is up, even Christian girls, but no on listens to me, not even other girls. Even the ones who tell me they wear the pants. I mean, my main point is that I only go to parties to catch up on what I missed because my parents wouldn't let me do anything. I really don't like doing more than kissing right now. And some Christian girls still wear the pants but they are real judgmental about drinking and smoking weed and gay friends. But some girls are OK with that and still wear the pants but they told me I'm not loud enough. Does all that make since?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): It goes to show you are dating a bunch of immature lads, because there is absolutely no reason to get grossed or mad. On the contrary , if they are gentlemen they should show extreme tact and understanding like all gentlemen do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): I have to agree with the other aunts. You are choosing some really awful guys. I think the trouble is in your selection process, and not in all men. Perhaps the thing to do is to make sure you only date guys who have lots of sisters. And from the way you're describing your encounters with these guys, they sound more like booty calls then loving romantic relationships. I think you're definitely choosing the wrong guys, why that is you need to work on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): First of all, there's a lot of assuming going on. Even in HS, you and your peers assumed you were dating the first guy and you never even kissed. Why did that happen? The other two times, you had to sneak to see the one guy and your friends wouldn't cover for you; the other, they (your friends) "wouldn't let you" dump the guy? They wanted the guy to be someone they trusted, but they also sound pushy and rude. True friends LISTEN when their friend says "no". Lesson one: NEVER assume you're dating someone or that it's exclusive, ASK the guy what he wants/expects and TELL him what YOU want/expect. Until then, NO sex stuff, including making out.With the college guys, again with the assuming, the first guy is not only a douche like first poster said, but also DANGEROUS. If you passed out after three beers, make it a point to only have ONE and WATCH your drink at all times. Have your friends watch your drink too and do the same for them. Where were THEY when this was happening? If you were that drunk, he shouldn't have touched you anyway. Do you REMEMBER asking him to? If not, I'd report it to campus police.The second two guys apparently ONLY wanted sexual activity. Again, get to KNOW a guy, let your FRIENDS meet him, go on PUBLIC dates (never his/your dorm for awhile unless SEVERAL people will be there. ASK/TELL the guy what you want/expect and NO sex activity until you're definitely exclusive.Sex activity early on says that's all you want. There's nothing wrong with taking it slow. Introducing him to your friends, hanging out in PUBLIC gives an idea of his character. As for periods, in that public or group hangout time, casually mention that you're on your period and see how he reacts. I like how you told this last guy and he showed his true colors. Those guys pretty much only wanted one thing, they couldn't have cared less about your personality or "humanness" which is why they were offended about your period.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 April 2016):
 To begin with, you are not " supposed " to shave down there.
If you are particurly bushy, you may find it more practical and hygienic to trim down or pare down somewhat,because sweat and odours do tend to get trapped into hair - ( but that applies to males too, btw ) but there's no law or rule that says you have to look like a newborn baby girl. If they demand that, tell theme to give you the good example and that you will only have sexual contacts with completely shaven guys, front AND back :).
Second, I hope sooner or later you'll meet some guy who's a bit more openminded and less vagina- phobic than your current partners. This must be an American hang up, or maybe a generation Millennium hang up or something. I am glad to say that in all my sexual life I only met ONE man who did not want to have sex during my period. All the others ( and they were quite a few. Nit that I am proud of that. Just saying. ) luckily, were like : so what ?, it's blood, not s...t.
Said that, I recognize to people the right to have sex exactly the way it works best for them, so OK, if they do not want to be intimate during menstrual periods, that's fine. No arguments whatsoever.
What you report may come a ) from your sheer bad luck, you keep meeting guys without even a hint of tact and manners ! b ) your poor selection criteria and / or excessive eagerness to bag the guy, without even giving yourself the time to suss out if he is basically a rude , insensitive caveman, or if he seems a semidecent person who would not embarass you and would not complain if sex does not happen that night , or was not of his full liking. And point b ) is an important point, you know the saying, first time shame on you, second time shame on me... If you keep meeting troglodites,if means you are hanging around the wrong caves. Time to change your hunting ground. c ) it seems there has been so far a misunderstanding or misperception about the nature of your relationship with these guys, you call them boyfriends but in practice seems they were more like , and felt they were, fuck buddies- or even just booty callers .
Not to defend these guys , who sound really horrible, but if you are a horny guy who only wants to get himself some fresh, nice, sanitized, shaven and cottoncandy smelling p...y, and you think the deal is very clear, you get disappointed and annoyed if said p...y shows up not in conditions to be safely and immediately consumed. Hence, the " why did you even come over ".
Your quandary would be solved, I suppose, if you stopped having sex with semistrangers, - if you had a boyfriend ( or at least, a regular , reliable sex partner ) you could tell him everything regarding your health, including when you have your period. It's normal, there is confidence, there MUST be confidence, between partners.
Other than that, yes, I think experience has shown you ( and common sense should have told you ) that it is always better to tell it in advance, before meeting up. " Hey John, I am supposed to come to your apartment tonight, but I am on my period, does it bother you ? Do you want to take a raincheck ? "
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2016): Where do you find these guys? They sound like douchebags! If a guy can't act normal about periods he is too immature to have a girlfriend.If you are in a relationship with someone this shouldn't even be a problem other than you might mention it if you are concerned about the blood /mess going everywhere or you don't feel like having sex. Personally in the early stages of dating I would probably avoid sexual contact until I wasnt on my period. I know some people don't like blood etc but most men I have dated do not care at all, I am the one that worries about it. I only dated one man who told me he didnt like it thought it was gross etc I thought that was pathetic, you came out of a womans vagina for crying out loud! Its nature this was a 30year old man not a kid, grow up man
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