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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: When discussing sexual history should people you didn't have sex with but gave handjobs to count? I know to count oral and vaginal ( I never had anal.) but do handjobs you've given typically go into that count?
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hand-job, sexual past, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2018): Well, for me I think that it is not considered sex. Sometimes I give a Hand job when I am just not interested in a sex. A hand job has no risk of pregnancy, or disease. If someone massage your breast or touch your vagina, you're not having sex with them. I think it's all a matter of perspective, but I don't think it raises your number personally.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (21 October 2018):
 I agree 100% with Wiseowl. Opening up yourself and laying your sexual history bare is NOT smart. Some people are totally ok with it, but many are not and if you have a jealous or insecure lover you are SCREWED. They will mull it over and over in their mind and ask you questions YEARS later weighing every little word that you say and trying to catch in a lie (usually people just can't remember..they aren't lying) Its wise to say the very bare minimum unless there is something dangerous health wise in your past like exposure to venereal diseases, etc. Otherwise I wouldn't be going into detail.
Yes, handjobs are considered a form of yes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2018): Over-sharing is exactly why people need advice sites like ours. So we can tell them to keep it to yourself; if it won't make your relationship any better.
Why on God's green earth is it necessary to detail your entire sexual-history? Unless you've been diagnosed with an STD infection, or you're HIV+? If you have herpes or an incurable infection, warn your partners! Otherwise, your history is your's to take to the grave. The real reasoning behind doing this is to get information. It usually backfires. If a guy asks you, he's judging you on the spot!!!
Let me give you a little tip. He'll seem alright listening, and he'll be judging you to the dirt the whole time. He won't say anything now; but give him a chance to digest all of it, and he'll see you through the worst eyes you can imagine. Men lie and fake-it when they pretend they can handle it. The truth is they can't. They set a double-standard, and even if that's totally unfair; that's how it is.
Keep it to yourself!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 October 2018):
 Why on Earth is there a need to share ALL the details of what you have and have not done? Sexually?
Most people KNOW that their partner has or has NOT have previous sexual partner and hopefully.. they will know that their partners are STD free, and they themselves are STD free as well. BEFORE jumping into bed.
There are articles written about how women lie about their number (to make it smaller) and men lie about their number (to make it bigger) - And I think it's bull shit.
As for things like anal sex, if you haven't done it in the past and is NOT looking to do it ever, then sure you can mention that you haven't done it. But to try and count EVERY sexual thing you have done so you can share that with someone? WHY?
Why not simply SAY that you have had past relationships that included sex but it's not something you feel a need to discuss? Same with his sexual past.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (21 October 2018):
 Unless you have a medical condition that you have to legally disclose to future partners, then why are you discussing sexual history? It has nothing to do with anyone besides yourself and to be quite honest is the worst conversation that could be brought up between partners. It does nothing besides create retroactive jealousy and arguments.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2018): Why would you even discuss that?Just both get tested before you do anything is enough.Anything before you met that person is not their concern.why do people even waste time on this?I would not be interested in my parters past relationships as those are in the past.I do not understand this generation of shareing everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2018): Rule of thumb. If you can’t get prevgo doing it then it won’t sex.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (21 October 2018):
 I guess that depends on whether you are discussing your sexual history for medical reasons or for other reasons. If the former, then I would say hand jobs are irrelevant as the risk of any STI being passed on in this way is minimal (unless you touched yourself intimately afterwards). If with others, then you have to ask yourself what is the purpose of the discussion. If it's to "big up" your history, then you could include them I guess.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 October 2018):
 If there is going to be a wonderful prize won for most sexual contacts then yes, handjobs could be included although really the criteria should be determined and agreed on by the contestants prior to the count beginning.
If there is no prize being awarded and no winners or losers announced then I really don't see the need for and accurate detailing of sexual encounters, those really are between you and the other participant.
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