A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with a lovely guy for about 4 months now and I have fallen head over heels for him. He is so loving and caring and says I am the one thing that keeps him going.Up until now due to various issues such as work etc we have only been able to spend one day a week with each other but we text/ring each other every day. Throughout the 5 months ive missed him terribly and have wanted nothing more than to be able to spend more time with him, especially to be able to spend a night with him, not for sex but just to fall asleep with him and wake up with him. He said he feels the same and that he hates being apart and not being able to see each other whenever we want and wishes I was there for him to wake up to.Well he has now changed his commitments and as of next month we will be able to see each other more and finally get to spend a night together. At first I was really excited but now im worried. Because our time together has been so limited, its made it more special so im worried that this will change when we spend more tine with each other. When relationships change from being in a long distance type situation to being a full on relationship, do they loose that excitement at seeing each other? Will our time no longer feel as special or precious? Also, another worry I have is he made the decision to change his commitments to give our relationship a chance. I didn't ask him to, in fact I suggested ending things to make things less complicated for him. Now im worried that it might not have been worth it if our relationship isn't as special anymore. Am I getting cold feet over nothing or will out relationship fizzle out and all his changes have been for nothing?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 January 2013):
Relationships that are LD do change when they are no longer LD but it's not always a bad thing.
My husband and I were two hours apart the first year of our relationship. We started casually in December 2010 and by March 2011 we knew it was getting serious…. Weekend visits began in earnest then. I would drive to him usually on Fridays and stay till Monday morning and drive a 3 hour commute to work …. By June 2011 we were pretty much together full time due to my having major surgery and being out of work for 8 weeks and staying with him. Originally we had planned for him to move to be with me full time in August 2012 when his lease was up.
In December 2011 he gave up his JOB, HIS HOME of ten years and his entire life as he knew it and moved to be with me. MEN who want something usually get it. Men in love will move heaven and earth to be with the object of their affections.
So yeah we went from OMG “jump each others bones” the second we saw each other to a peck goodbye in the mornings and a cuddle on the couch after dinner. BUT I wouldn’t trade my “lack of excitement” for an LDR any day of the week. And while I no longer get “butterflies” in my tummy when I think of kissing my husband, I still am glad he’s the one I come home to.
THE GOAL of an LDR is to NOT be LDR…. The goal is to get comfy and lose that “omg I have to be on my best behavior” attitude. Yeah I guess my hubby hates that when I get home from work the first thing I do is take off my makeup, put up my hair and put on my baggy jammies but he also loves that when he comes to bed EVERY night, there is a warm soft, body that wants to drape her legs over his cold feet….
FWIW, our daily routine once we were serious and before we moved in together was:
I woke up before him and at his request I called him every morning at 8 am to make sure he was awake. We talked anywhere from 30 to 90 seconds. We emailed back and forth most of the day and at night we had a “bed time tuck in phone call” and I would call him when I got into bed. That call could last 5 minutes or it could last 2 hours… we never knew… depended on what we needed to say. Last night I went to be around 10 pm (my hubby stays up till midnight or later) and about 10:45 the phone rings. It was hubby on the intercom. Something struck his fancy and he wanted to talk to me about it… so I had a bedtime tuck in call last night AND a warm cuddle when he finally came to bed…. We are living together over a year now and married three months… and yet there is a comfort to knowing the dance… relationships change and evolve over time.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
 "Because our time together has been so limited, its made it more special so im worried that this will change when we spend more tine with each other"
If you two live in each other's pockets then yes. It won't be as exciting. Mind you I don't know how you guys can talk on the phone every day. That would kill excitement for me right away.
Even if you're moving closer you still need to have your own time. You can start by seeing each other once a week/twice a week and go from there. If you see each other every day then it likely won't be as exciting and special.
"Also, another worry I have is he made the decision to change his commitments to give our relationship a chance. I didn't ask him to, in fact I suggested ending things to make things less complicated for him."
Sounds to me like you are already losing interest in this guy. Why would you suggest to end it? If you really were head over heels in love you'd want to be with him WITHOUT A DOUBT. In fact, if you were certain you were in love with him you'd move closer to him! Just to be with him.
If you are losing interest already then the best thing you can do is end it. It might sound cruel but he's sacrificing a lot and making a lot of life changes and if after all that it doesn't last then it's all been for nothing.
Honestly, are you losing interest in this guy? If not, then why did you suggest to end it?
"Now im worried that it might not have been worth it if our relationship isn't as special anymore. Am I getting cold feet over nothing or will our relationship fizzle out and all his changes have been for nothing?"
Depends if you really want to be with him? I suspect, and I don't know you, you are losing interest already. This is why you're worried.
Personally, if I moved and changed my life to be with the woman and knew she had doubts like you're showing here I would not be happy she didn't tell me beforehand.
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