A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When someone you work with leaves is it ok to contact him by text or phone even though they have a girl fiend just to see how they are and to maintain contact. What about going for a drink to catch up. Would it make me look like a bad person?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 I don't see the trouble with it, unless off course you are attracted to him and have feelings for him. If that is the case then I would leave him be, stop the messages. However if you do genuinely see him as a friend no harm in messaging him, and sure if you want to meet up for a drink and a catch up no harm, tell him to bring the girlfriend as well.
A
male
reader, WickedPoet  +, writes (30 January 2017):
 It seems to me you are treading upon dangerous territory here. You don't say what, if any relationship existed betweeen you and this man before he left. Had you previously enjoyed a friendly relationship with him inside or outside of work? Is his girlfriend aware of you? Has she met you with her boyfriend? If there is no real prior relationship clearly defining the boundaries between all of you, I doubt this ends well. Instead any such outreach by you at this point is bound to be misinterpreted. I think if you simply imagine yourself being in the girlfriend's shoes you will quickly understand the problems you might create. Let him go. He is out of your life and in a relationship. Relationships are already difficult without these kinds of distractions. You should concentrate on finding your own happiness and then look for someone unattached you think will best add to your life. Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2017): Are you ATTRACTED to him?
If so, then YES, it's NOT okay to contact him by text, phone, Snapchat, Facebook.... anything like that.
And YES, you would be a BAD person asking him to go for coffee with you if you have OTHER motives in mind.
Only YOU know the answer in your own heart of hearts.
I suspect you DO like him and if so, your actions would be completely inappropriate so I would stay away and not even open up that can of worms.
Are you lonely? Low self esteem? What else is going on in YOUR life that you feel a need to hang onto someone who left your place of work? People move on. That's life. Why don't you let him do just that. While you do the same. And start thinking about someone without a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2017):
 That depends on WHY you want to keep meeting up. Do you have an ulterior motive? As in you still want to spend time with him because you have some feelings for him?
If you don't have any romantic feelings maybe suggest meeting up for drinks WITH him AND his GF? That way she can see it's platonic and HE can see it's platonic.
Doesn't really matter whether you work in the same company or not, what matters are intentions and actions.
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