A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 39 weeks pregnant and married for less than a year so we are pretty new. We are currently waiting for the D day and I'm extremely anxious as this is our first child. The problem is that he just isn't there for me. He prefers hanging out with friends drinking and smoking. I ask what will happen if I go into Labour while he has blacked out, which he does most of th the time, and all I get are unsatisfactory answers that are making me more anxious.I love him but I feel so alone and the nerves are killing me. What should I do? I love him but this time is too important for me to rely on hiM entirely. Btw, we are both in our late 20s Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2017): Ok well I'm a mum of four and was a single mum of three after the father of my first three and I broke up during the pregnancy for similar reasons so I know where your at
You need to be very factual despite how emotional your feeling . Just tell him , look I can see your not ready for this therefore I'm moving in with family until
You are so that I can get the support I need . Let him know that you also do not consider yourself in any way committed to him whilst he is living a single lifestyle also . That you care deeply for him but you and your child WILL be the priority and no man will be allowed into that family unit unless they feel the same . Tell him you hope that man will be him but if he is not ready you understand and then work on truly understanding that he may not be the one and accepting that this is what being a woman and being a mother often boils down to . Taking the hard road , drawing the line in the sand and demanding the best for you and your child
I wish you nothing but the best
Your a mother now and this will bring out the best in you and the best in humanity . Let your strength shine and demand anyone who stands in your light is worthy
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 February 2017):
 Has he got an issue with alcohol, did he always black out or is this just a new thing that is happening? Did you both discuss having a child before falling pregnant, and how long where you together before marriage?
If this behavior is new I guess he is scared off having a child, if it is always been this way then it is time to talk and tell him no more excuses he needs to man up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2017): Thank you so much for your responses. His grand ma is the only one reliable to be there and I will definitely ask for help.
I'm glad to say all things are ready and hospital bag packed... I'm just afraid this trend of drunken nights will become worse.
He will apologise and attempt to make better efforts but as soon as his friends honk, then he is off.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (29 January 2017):
 If this is your first kid, I think he's terrified and anxious about being a dad. He may be cramming in all of this immature stuff because he thinks he's about to be imprisoned by fatherhood.
He needs to grow up. If he's blacking out all the time, he's on his way to alcoholism as well. Tell him that continually being in this state will be a danger to himself, to you, and to the baby. *YOU* shouldn't be breathing any kind of smoke at all, whether it's cigarette or weed. It doesn't sound like your husband is vaping!
As for you, do you have friends and family? You have more support than you realize. I know it's your first, and you're going to do just fine! I was really scared too that I'd make a terrible mom! I even called my mom and she stayed with my husband and I for the first week while I stumbled around trying to figure out all of this mom stuff.
As for the trip to the hospital and labor, It's really not like HEY CONTRACTIONS! and all of a sudden you're racing to the hospital about to give birth in 2 seconds. When you start feeling contractions, you'll be timing them. It could take quite awhile before the contractions get to the point of hospital.
As Honeypie said, you can call a cab, or get a friend, or if you have a good relationship with his mother or your mom, you have a bigger network than you think. But that's not solving the issue of his excessive drinking. Was he like this before you got married and pregnant? Was he drinking to excess when you were dating him? Is this already out of control?
You said that you've spoken to him about his and got "unsatisfactory answers". What were his answers that were unsatisfactory?? What exactly did he say, and why aren't you reassured of them? What did he say he was going to do after the baby arrived? Do you have your baby's nursery ready? Car seat set up? 39 weeks is almost at the jump-off stage!
Please follow up with us about how it's going! We may not be able to drive you ourselves, but we've got some good listening ears and even better shoulders to cry on if you need us! And - CONGRATULATIONS on motherhood! I was terrified, and it turned out to be fantastic. I wouldn't trade it for the entire world.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2017):
 Maybe it's time for you to bring out the I NEED someone reliable as WE are having a child ANY day now.
Do your parents live far from you? Of not, I would even consider staying with them til its time. And I'd tell him JUST that. Hopefully, that will be enough for him to MAN up.
While you CAN take a cab to the hospital DOES he really WANT to miss the birth of his FIRST child because he was too busy being drunk? If the answer is it's no big deal, DO you really think he will step up after the child is born?
This is NOT the time for you to have stress in your life as YOU are having a LOT on your plate already, physically, emotionally, hormonally - he NEEDS to step up. And that is what I would tell him.
It might BE the time where you SHOULD be able to rely on him - but can you?
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