A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story but need advice.In 2013, I dated a guy for a few months. I really, really liked him but he was very keen to make the relationship official (telling everyone), which at the time I wasn't ready for, mostly because I was really poor at the time with a health condition and I thought I was holding him back. He kept pressuring me and we split. I never stopped thinking about him. I never stopped having feelings for him. Fast forward to now and he's in a relationship with a girl and they live together. We've recently started talking again in a friendly way and he's confessed he's not at all happy with her and that he still thinks about me. I told him the feelings were mutual but nothing else.I really want to be with him but don't know what to do? How to go forward? He can't just move in here with me as I have a daughter and a roommate so if he was to split up with her, he'd have to move back in with his mum. Not only that but this girl seems really keen on him and I don't want to hurt her, but if we both feel the same way we can't just ignore that. Any advice?
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (30 January 2017):
 Along as he is in another relationship(living with her too!) you cant be anything more than a friend to this guy and you need to tell him that! It's not fair to you, him or the other girl........how would you feel if you were her? Be nice and friendly to him but cool it with the " i miss you and the "i want you back". if they break up then you can decide how to proceed........good luck hun!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 January 2017):
 I would suggest you tell him to make up his mind and contact you when or IF he becomes single and available. AS of right now he is NOT available and is "cheating" on his GF by getting emotionally re-invested in you - when he REALLY should sort out WHAT and WHO he wants to be with...
IF you were in her shoes would you think what he and YOU are doing is OK? Bet not. So don't do unto others... And you ARE hurting her, she just doesn't know it. Which is JUSt as shady.
And there is NO way he should move in with you straight from having lived with her.
HE needs to sort himself out - which means MAKE his relationship WORK or end it. And til he has done that, YOU should cut the contact and so should he.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2017): Don't come in the middle of him and his GIRLFRIEND.Let HIM sort out HIS feelings.Then, if he chooses to LEAVE her and pursue YOU, you can move forward.But do not and I repeat do not interfere in their relationship.You had your chance. It is over.Now, if he is still in love with you or has feelings, he will LEAVE her first.Do not fall into the trap many women with FEELINGS for a guy fall into. Letting him have his cake and eat it. The women always, always end up on the losing end of this arrangement. Sadly, our feelings get in our way. Men do not have them to the same extent and they can deal with having a romp on the side for a little while until it becomes inconvenient or the next sexy thing shows up. Do not let him CON you into thinking he cares while he still lives with her. And do not let him string you along while he is still with her. Do not get involved with him while he is still with her. She at this moment still IS HIS GIRLFRIEND. He is committed to her. Guys will try to con all they can. Especially if they are not happy with their GF's. Think about it though. If he was that unhappy, why is he still with her? That says a lot. Did you ever consider the fact he could be bored with her? And is telling you whatever you need to hear to groom you for a dalliance on the side? This is SOOOOOOO common. Are you that stupid to fall for it?How would you like another woman trying to hustle your man like that? Would you? No? Then stay in your corner. How would you like him eventually talking to another woman, years after you've nabbed him and he becomes bored with you, telling her the exact, same thing? This time it's YOU he is UNHAPPY with?Sorry but this guy has shown his true character deceiving his girlfriend behind her back with you. He is going to destroy her. That is very mean. On your part as well IF he stays with her. If he leaves her, at least he will be HONEST with her and HURT HER HONESTLY. Which is way better than cheating behind her back until she finds out. There is nothing more painful than your man being involved with another woman. Imagine how you would feel if he DID it to YOU. Would you be destroyed?I say tell him that you care about him and that you would want to be with him OFFICIALLY when and only when he moves into his mother's house and has cut all ties with her.But just remember, you are playing with fire. This is the kind of a man you will be inheriting as your own. He has already shown you his character, He is capable of leaving one woman for another. So, just pray that once you have him, he won't come across somebody more interesting...
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