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male
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anonymous
writes:I met a lovely girl three weeks ago and we've been dating. We have slept together a number of times too. At first it was exciting and full of possibilities. After a week I even felt like telling her I loved her, but didn't. I'm increasingly having doubts about the relationship though. The sex is not amazing and recently conversation hasn't been relaxed, fun, stimulating and flowing like it was initially. I even fell asleep during sex last night, mainly because I was very tired. I apologised this morning and she said there's no need to apologise, as long a sit wasn't because I was bored, and partly it was. Perhaps I'm not giving without expectation like I was in the beginning, so that rather than simply enjoying myself I'm seeing what the relationship has to offer. This often seems to happen.My date said last night during a conversation we were having about what we value that she can't be doing with game-playing. I've been guiltily turning that phrase over in my head this morning. I feel like I'm game-playing. I want to nurture and help the relationship but at the same time I know these things can't be forced.I know the enchantment always wears off. Is it helpful or harmful to be honest with ourselves and our partners about how we feel in a relationship, especially at this early stage? How about putting these doubts to one side and instead choosing to give our all to help the relationship grow? Could the latter be called game-playing in the absence of expressing true feelings? I think I'm going to tell her all these thoughts but I was interested in having other opinions on the subject too. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks orange bunny. I think I'm going to just go with the flow and be honest but not force any issues.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): I think you fell in lust and thought it was love...
Now obviously there had to be some spark there in the first place. Maybe be a little more logical rather than emotional and let her be human and have faults. You will never find the prefect girl, my friend.
And that is what you want, correct? Someone to be that everything, and to never let you down?
I am afraid that if you jump from person to person every month, you will never create that bond which will show you the true personality of any given one of them.
My suggestion is to take her to a favorite place. Somewhere where you have many memories and can share a few of them. That will help you with the conversation aspect.
I know that you asked if you should talk openly with this girl, about how you are feeling, but everything is still so immature, and blossoming. Telling her you have all these expectations that she's not meeting may make her scared (It would make me scared).
Lastly, don't feel guilty about the game playing thing. We all do it, even her. We buy flowers to get smiles. Yes, even those can be considered playing "games". I think what she means is when a person doesn't call until exactly 7 days after the first date because those are supposedly the "rules". Or not sleeping with someone until the fourth date...those silly things which shouldn't be "rules", you know?
Lastly, you seem to be worried about the sexual experiences you're having. Gosh. Buy toys! Do different things! If things aren't "amazing" then MAKE THEM amazing, if you want to be with this girl for any longer than a month.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMade me smile, thanks hlskitten! Sounds like good advice too.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (23 May 2008):
 I think its a good idea to speak to her about it, and i also think its normal to think all those things, 3 weeks isn't long enough to know what could possibly happen between you 2. Thats why i had the best relationship ever with someone i had dated for a good six weeks before we even so much as kissed.
I think its way too early to be expressing feelings, i would be going with the flow and even treating her as a mate. Nothing wrong with that, its being responsible and realistic. I bet she will understand. Unless she is the type to want to run before she can walk of course.
Chill Winstone :o)
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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