A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married and have a 1 year old kid, I've been married for 2 years and already their are problems, I'll make it quick and straight to the point. We moved to a new area, and got to know everyone they all seemed nice, I had the baby and then couple of months later people on my street have been telling my husband I'm seeing someone else so I'm cheating on him, them my husband had not confronted me yet, and thought he'd find out some proof but one day he came home and i was on the phone to my nephew and niece and i was about to put the phone down and last minute just said love you, and this happened a couple of times when he came home so he had suspicion grow in him and then everyday someone told my husband i was cheating on him i have no clue why they would do this, cause the truth is i would never ever think of hurting him as i love him so much but i guess people said too much to him that he just confronted me with this rumour but everyday after he confronted me, we had arguments and things got really bad i was really angry of why he'd think i'd do such a thing, but eventually he said he needed space to think so he moved into another house, since then my life has been like hell, every one on my street acts normal with me as if they hadn't said anything but i've even seen them a couple of times saying something and then he's not very happy after hearing what he did, i haveno clue what to do, i got a 1 year old baby and i'm all alone i feel really angry at every one who told him i'd been seeing some one else, i just can't get over it, were not divorced and he hasn't bought the topic up which i'm glad he hasn't cause i want to mend things with him but everytime i see him eg... when he comes to see the baby i can remember everything the arguements and shouting and i can't bare to see his face i'm trying to forget it all but it's really hard, however lately it's been quiet nice he'd asked me out a couple of times being really nice 2 me and i've enjoyed it but were still not totally together not living in da same house, but once when me and my sisters and mine and their husband decide to go out together watch a film, but that time we hadn't not talked to each other for a long time and i couldn't take it sitting in the movies acting like everythings fine and we were watching a romantic film as well which wasn't very pleasing so i walked out saying i need to go to work, then he realised how i really felt hurt and it was all a lie but after that he took me out to dinner and he asked me to dance i didn't want to but then i ended up dancing it felt so awkward after so many months and then we get close, he tried kissing me but i never let him, (i know i want to be with him but i need my trust for him to gain again, as he accused me before and i don't want that to happen again) i said to him i had to go, so i went and he came after me, saying sorry he shouldn't have tried to do that and then we just talked in general and he walked me down to my car as it was really dark and i was with the baby, he followed me home in his car because it was really dark. It was nice of him to do that. Anyways he seems to be wanting to get back with me but i just want advice should i get back with him i want to but i don't want to make a mistake, he has tried kissing me but i haven't let him twice he tried but he realises i'm not letting him cause of trust issues. He puts his arm around me and asks me out alot and gets really close to me etc...Thanks for all the help. Any advice would be nice if you have any.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (23 May 2008):
 Obviously you have spoken to him about how him taking the word of others over you has hurt and confused you as to why he didn't trust you. Has he said he now believes you and knows that what the others said was just gossip? Of course you need to trust that this will not happen again and the matter is closed before you can take him back.
I see no reason why you cannot reconcile if you both want it, you are hurt and it will take to get things on track, you could always stay separated for a while longer but start seeing him with the intention of having him back living with you when you feel ready to make that commitment again. Things will work out if you want them to, but try to put the past behind you. Picking at the same wound means it will never heal.....
Good luck.
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