A
female
 ,
*ess18maine
writes:Dear Friends,I have been talking with this guy I meet online for almost 8 months. We talk online and on the phone, it has become a habit for us to talk daily. I have very strong feelings for him and we only live about 2 hours apart. I love him, I know it's love, I have never felt like this before and he feels the same. I'm 17 and he's 24. I basically live on my own as of May but I've stayed in contact with both my mom and dad; they both know about this guy and mom approves, (dad's just kind of there) he does not matter. My aunts know about him along with some of my other family and most all my freinds. We write letters back and forth, and on our 6 month anniversary we sent gifts. He's really sweet, and I have never been able to open up to ne one like this before. I feel like I can conquer anything when I'm talking to him. We have sent pics back and forth and with new technology we have seen each other on live web-cam. A certain few in my family think internet is dumb, and internet dating is 10 times worse, but I think that's only because they hear the worst about internet like identity theft and girls meeting guys and getting raped. I feel why would this men spend 8 months getting to know me just to meet me and then do something dumb. I have plans to travel down to meet him in less then two weeks. Some speedy advice would be much enjoyable. Am I being blind, because I'm in love? Is there actually a chance he has altermotives, aside from sex or even sex? Please feel free to give me your honest opinion on my situation. Thanks much, your advice-giving-friend! PS: Our age differnece is not the problem! Also he claims to be a virgin and I believe him, I just feel that I know him enough to believe him. I love him. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2005): hey.....you better be careful when falling in love with the person you've not seen face to face.it's very possible to fall in love with someone you met online....i am a witness! but you just have to be careful not to allow you being in love to blind you from seeing complications....ask the guy to come o'er 1st, maybe later u can go thereafter....take it easy, i know who's in love is blind.
A
female
reader, Eva +, writes (28 July 2005):
Firstly are you sure it's love?! I understand that you get on well with this guy but many men who prey on young women do tend to have daily contact with them for several months before the meeting point. Why don't you get him to come to you for your first meeting, you could have some of your friends there with you or you could go somewhere busy. I strongly reccommend that you do not meet this man on your own. On the internet you can hide who you really are and make whole new people up because no one knows who you are. Whatever you do please take someone along with you. Don't go yourself. Good Luck!
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A
reader, becky05 +, writes (28 July 2005):
The only reason you are able to open up to this man better is because you are talking to him on a computer screen.
Just because he has spent 8 months knowing you doesnt mean he may not have an alterior motive for when he meets you.
I would be very wary if you do go to meet this man.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (28 July 2005):
 Anyone who's been around this forum for more than about 5 minutes will know that I'm the first to urge caution, and the first to see the worst in any situation. So here we go.
There's potential here for danger, and the very fact that you're so convinced that you're "in love" with this image on a webcam could be making you a bit careless. Have you thought much about what this guy's motives might be if it wasn't actually love?
Why would this guy "spend 8 months getting to know" you? In a word, grooming. You only see this guy when he wants to see you, when he's ready and willing, right? So what does he do the other 22-23 hours a day, when he isn't online with you? You really don't know.
There's at least the possibility that this guy has a whole collection of 16- and 17-year-olds on his chat list, every one of whom thinks he loves only her. He could have his rolodex full of names and birthdates and "anniversaries" and favourite colours, and he could be chatting nightly to a half-a-dozen girls like you, sweet-talking a lucky few into meeting him near his home, away from the protective gaze of friends and parents.
I'm not suggesting that this is *likely*, only that it's entirely possible, and you'd be endangering yourself not take reasonable precaution.
What concerns me - and I speak from experience, as I was dating a guy who was 8 years older when I was 17 - is the age difference. What's a man in his mid-20s got in common with a woman as young as you? Is there something wrong with him that women his own age aren't interested? (In my personal case, my older bf was mentally unhinged and violent... though I didn't find that out until later.)
My opinion that you should be very, very cautious. I don't recommend that you travel to meet this guy. If he really likes you - and isn't just after sex - why doesn't he come up to meet you? And while he's at it, if he's sincere about his affection for you, why doesn't he do the right thing and introduce himself to your family and friends? Why all the sneaking around, if he's on the level?
If you decide to do this, please, please take a friend with you. Doing so will 1) give you a witness if he starts getting creepy, 2) give you an excuse to leave, if things don't work out and 3) keep you from feeling pressured to go somewhere private with him and possibly wind up in danger.
And if I'm totally wrong and worrying over nothing, then your friend can back you up to your family in your opinion about what a great guy he is.
Good luck, and please think hard before you act.
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