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anonymous
writes: I am living with my bf for nine months, known him for 3yrs. I'm wearing a promise ring he gave me, but for months now he tells me he loves me but that he can't love me to the fullest the way I want. He has had other gfs in the past and went to the extremes to please them but he only got used. In bed sucks. I do everything a man would desire in bed but just doesn't seem good enough for him from me. I ask him out front what turns you on and makes you hot and horny; he tells me doesn't know, I and know for a fact that is a lie. In a past relationships he did want to have sex, was horny enough to go for it. What is wrong with me? Am I wasting my life with him? Aand when a guy tells you he loves you but can't love you to the fullest, what does that mean? I'm hurt and feel lonely and feeling I am wasting my life with him.
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reader, star3482 +, writes (19 May 2005):
dump him, he's obviously not ready to move on and put the past behind him - tell him to give you a call when he has xxx
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 May 2005):
 It seems to me that it is his past that is interfering with your relationship and it is this that he needs help with. It isn't you. You are putting in all the effort to make it work but it seems almost as if he has given up trying.He got used in the past, you say. Perhaps he is frightened of it happening again, I don't know. He loves you but not in the fullest way that you need. This is because of his past, it is holding him back. It seems as if it has done quite a lot of untold damage. However, you deserve to be loved in the fullest possible way and this is what you need to tell him.Suggest to him to see a counsellor to talk through his worries and even his past, in an effort to build his confidence for the future. Indicate to him how much he is hurting you by the words that he has said and his lack of action in the bedroom. Explain to him how it is making you feel unwanted and used. Surely he can identify with that. Urge him to seek help for the both of you. Otherwise, you may have no choice but to walk away from someone who appears to have nothing left to give.I hope this helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2005): From what you've written, you seem to have drawn your own conclusions about this relationship. You have not provided one single positive reason why you want to stay in this relationship. Regardless of what happened in his previous relationships or the past, you should both be focussing on the present and the future together, not raking over the past. What your boyfriend is telling you sounds like a cop-out to me, he has even admitted that he cannot give you the fulfilment of love that you crave.I dated a guy who never once told me he loved me, and it lasted just over a year, by the end of the relationship my confidence had eroded, I felt isolated, lonely and depressed. Then I met the most wonderful, warm loving man and wondered why I wasted all that time on my ex!If he isn't prepared to make the effort to keep you, I think you know the answer to your dilemma. All the best and remember you deserve better!
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