A
male
age
30-35,
*ovetard
writes:Long story short. I met this girl with whom I'm befriended —if you could say that, actually I got the chance of meeting her through a friend of mine who's her friend too, now we 'all' hang out together— who's 'shy', like me. Before we were officially befriended —meaning we knew each other but it was fairly new —, there were two occasions where she "made her move" as I stood there like a zombie not knowing what to do. There was this party where she commanded I sat up straight so she could rest her head on my lap. Now this command was not assertive but rather cute and full of nerviness. I acceded of course and there she lay for the rest of the party as I sat like a Ronald McDonald dummy; emotionless. I didn't want to cross the line, I did not where the boundaries would be so I decided to back off the idea and remained motionless for the rest of the evening. Of course she left when everything was over, I assume upset, and me with a head-banging-against-the-wall status. That was my first strike.In the mean time, although we were never very talkative to each other, namely because I'm sometimes hard to understand —at least that's what they tell me— to the point where people aren't interested in what I had in mind anymore, I tried to start conversations with her getting nothing more than clipped responses, which felt was very impolite if I may, as she didn't even look —she either looked straight forward, to the ground or faced completely the other direction so I was talking to her nape— at me as I spoke to her. Strangely enough I caught her staring at me plenty of times, thinking I hadn't noticed her, out the corner of my eye and when I'd glance at her in return she'd look at another direction. Many times, as I made my peers guffaw, she'd ask my friend what I'd just said or done, "... could she be interested?", I asked myself. Notice we speak different languages. As I gave up trying to talk to her because of her rudeness assuming she didn't want to talk to me, this former reaction of interest of hers lit the flame of hope once more. Sadly enough, the picture hadn't changed. I grew mad and upset and even started treating her in a very emotionless way, deepening my voice and talking very neutral (to her only) but didn't become rude. Just as I wanted to stop because I felt it wasn't fair I noticed she was starting to put more attention to me when I did that. That left me confused. Could it be that my lack of assertiveness (as a shy dude) could've made her annoyed by me? Some time passes by and we're not so distant anymore... sort of.I'd made her laugh at my goofiness more than once but could never actually hold a meaningful conversation with her. I've even heard —as we all hang out together for the most part— how my friend, who has the most solid relationship with her from us both talks to her, to try and see what is it really they talk about. Info acquired: nothing meaningful. He teases her and she 'fights' back, that's all there is to their 'conversations'. I'd thought it'd be more difficult; turns out it isn't that easy to do, I'm not the mocking type, not saying I can't mock, but not so in a constant manner, plus, that's my friends "seal" if you may. If I did that I think I'd be emulating him and that is something I don't want to do.There was this other occasion where she tried something similar to the first time at a party, again. This time she put her legs over mine as we sat on a couch. Again she shyly commanded I put my feet in a certain way so she could do what she openly said she would. I didn't give that occasion much importance as I had the experience of the aftereffects of the former time. I wasn't so nervous.So, my friend had this brilliant idea of betting with her and lost, unsurprisingly. The loser had to cook for the winner. So the dinner was made at ours —remember he's my roommate—. He cooked we ate, everything was flowers and rainbows. After the meal we went to one of the rooms to fiddle about with some instruments —guitars, we play guitar— and tried to teach the ladies —because she had invited a friend of hers— some simple songs. The evening went on 0.k. At the end, we all ended up in a Café where I were to be once more misunderstood. On this occasion she said, "You don't have to understand him, you just have to love him." Of course she felt awkward afterwards as she tried to correct what she had just said while the rest of the group chanted.The next day in school she said she'd like to go back and learn some more guitar songs or practice what little she knew, knowing my friend wouldn't be there, only me. Again, her initiative. So it happened. She came and we started playing guitar. I saw how she blushed as I tried to correct the position of her hands, how her breathing got heavier as I got closer to her and even told me she could not concentrate if I was staring at her all the time. I just laughed. After a while she reported to me that her hands hurt and wanted to rest. I accepted, it's not like if was going to make her keep playing. So she asked me what Tv-series I liked and indirectly proposed we should watch one. I acceded of course. We sat on my bed as she again in 'commando' mode grabbed a pillow put it over my lap and lay her head there. Just about the fourth episode was about to end she conveniently 'fell asleep'; good 'ol tactic, it never fails to work. Especially in that situation where I was 'trapped' so to speak, between her head and the mattress. I endured as much as I could before my back started to kill me, even had the inclination to play with her hair don't resented to barely fiddle with it, barely touching it. I was just insecure of the outcome. Anyway, as it was getting harder and harder on my back I decided I would too, lie down. I grabbed a pillow and put it on her shoulder, trying to rest my head there. The more time past, the she 'moved around' as if she were sleeping. I could notice her movements weren't unconscious, I somehow knew she was awake and faking it, but I decided to play along and see where that would lead to so I too, played 'asleep'. Notice the we were both facing one way before what'll happen next. She started to move, 'just like a sleeping person would' turning herself around so that she'd now be facing me. As she did that I slowly fell down her shoulder till our heads were at the same height. The more 'unconscious' movements were made, the more we got into the, I know it'll sound cheesy but that's how it happened and I wouldn't know of any other way to describe that,'Spider-man' kissing position, Baam!,there I said it. What happened next is obvious; we kissed and snuggled. And I was trembling! That was so damn embarrassing and the worst thing was I couldn't stop! She even told me and chuckled. Anyway, back to business; it got late so I offered to walk her home even though she said she didn't want to. I finally got to go with the excuse that I had to go to the bank and pay the rent, although I think she didn't buy that excuse, that's exactly what I did afterwards, at like 1 a.m. in the morning. So, as we were walking she told me out of the sudden that what had just happened was only for fun and said she wouldn't like a boyfriend at the moment since we were all leaving in a couple of months anyway —it didn't happen yet—. That was 0.K. I could understand that, and hoped that we could at least be 'real' friends, friends who actually talk to each other for more than a couple words. Go figure, it didn't happen the way I imagined. It felt like if we where back in the beginning. I talked to her but got nothing more than the cold shoulder and some sporadic nice answers. This time I was really upset. I mean, we could've at least been closer friends then what we 'were' before.Thereafter she kept coming over, to visit my friend and I and every time she came I'd just subtilely leave to my room and leave them alone. I was so upset, not because she told me she didn't want a boyfriend, but because the situation got worse, she gave the cold shoulder more than before even though I tried and applied for nothing more than a simple friendship request. The worst is that when I finally got over my disgraced feeling and decided it was not worth the trouble and tried to 'reintegrate' myself she and my friend began then to snuggle —even though he already had/has a girlfriend and they love each other dearly — and that got into me, it hurt. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't sound very macho, but it did. They'd even play holding hands and stroking each other's hair. Once again I felt the grief and backed off. After some time —every time she came by I left to my room— she stopped coming out of nowhere, with no reason whatsoever, as far as I know at least, she just said she didn't feel like it anymore. "0.K.", I thought to myself. My other roommate, which is also my friend but not so close as the other one, told me he'd been told by some of her female friends that this girl came by only to see me. I don't know how true that is so I didn't take it as legit. With time I got more outgoing and was on 'assertive' mode almost all the time. I wasn't afraid of her rejection any more and I made myself clear when I had to or (when) she'd ignored me.Next; our relationship has grown a bit, baby steps, I'd say. I can now see she blushes when I talk to her on my 'assertive' mode that I know managed to make 'unintimidating'. She still stares at me last time I checked and even tries to get my attention. There was this time —which is fairly recent— when my friend escorted her —on her request— to her house. He took a long time, more than usual, it turns out they had long chat. He told me she was very interested in me, and actually talked about me without prior notice, trying to sound natural but unable to hide the nerviness before my experienced friend. She wouldn't even maintain direct eye contact with him. Like if she were nervous talking about me. She'd even remember details my friend couldn't, about me. And made clear, I'm sure it just slipped out her mouth unwillingly, that something happened that time she over to play guitar. Very detailed. Weird.Now she even brags about me with her friends about the silly things I do or say that made her laugh. She's all childish and cute with me, like never before. Did I mention she blushed too? When I'm near her, she blushes; when she talks to me, she blushes; when I talk to her, she blushes. Whaat? All I know is I don't know, anything. It's just so confusing that I had to come here and ask for help. I tried many different perspectives but none worked; is just doesn't fit. I know I said long story short but it could've easily been longer so sorry if it was too boring/long but I wanted to make sure not to forget any relevant details. Now tell me forum, as I can't figure this one out myself. What's up with this girl? Does she like me? Thank you in advance. C=
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escort, flowers, insecure, kissing, my ex, roommate, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 I agree with mizz.butterflies she is testing you, trying to get a reaction, wanting you to bloody ask her out!!!!! lol x
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (25 May 2011):
 shes trying to make ya jealous to see whats happening with u!
do what i said. STOP BEING SCARED. stop asking "what if".
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A
male
reader, Lovetard +, writes (24 May 2011):
Lovetard is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answering, but I still have a question. If she really felt that way about me, why does she cuddle up with my friend and even hold hands with him, while I'm still in the room?... I've played as the violinist many times... trust me, it isn't fun... Any ideas?... as I said, I believe this is a tough one... Thank you.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 May 2011):
Hi
that has got o be the LONGEST long story short in history lmao :) this girl is WAY in love with you, what are you waiting for??? go get her be brave and just go for it. you will look back on this one day and laugh about it together x
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (22 May 2011):
Are you seriously asking if she likes you????
THIS GIRL IS IN LOVE WITH YOU.
she wishes you were over your scared feelings and finally would act on them!!!
What do you have to lose? why dont you ask her out on a date? Tell her you wanna watch this movie, would she like to come?
you're being very difficult,and as a lady,she already showed initiative a lot of times. What have you done? Nothing!
Move fast if you dont wanna lose her. she sounds like a very cute and nice girl.
the only reason she told u she doesnt want a boyfriend is because she didnt want to freak you out.
That's all Bullshit . She wants you as her boyfriend. And you want her too.
DON'T LET TIME PASS! MAKE YOUR MOVE ! ASK HER OUT!
Come back to us for more advice, if needed.
NEVER EVER FEAR REJECTION. IT'S ALL PART OF LIFE. BUT SHE WILL NOT REJECT YOU. SHE LOOOOOOOOVES YA!!
Bis Spater!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): This girl had you sit down and then rested her head in your lap. And you let that be the end of it?
She had her head in your lap.
Repeat this to yourself.
She asked to put her head in my lap.
I won't go into an anatomy lesson. She had her head in your lap.
No you couldn't act on things at the party, but ask yourself ....what Freud would say?
BBQ
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): I think she likes you.
You said your friend told her she likes you-- from what I have read, I say you need to man up and talk to her about it? Sit down with her and a have a conversation about why she doesn't want a boyfriend, and tell her, explicitly, how you feel.
If she goes back to how she used to be, all cold and that, then just tell her you'll only wait for her so long, and just try and move on. You don't want to befucked around too much yknow?
Have you tried being a little cold to her? There was a boy I used to like, and I used to be a little cold to him at times, because then he'd give me loads of attention, in an attempt to stop making me cold. Maybe that could work for you?
Either way, I hope you get her man-- be happy and all that.
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