A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What would you think of a guy (27) who is handsome, has a good job and basically has everything going right for him who actually physically stands up as a gesture of respect for his 10 years younger sister (17) when she enters the room and makes her sit in his place? And she does the same for him. The sister is dependent on him and he pays for all her university dues and all other expenses clothes, books etc. etc. Basically he is the only father figure type of person she has in her life.What do you think about this kind of relationship in general and the guy in particular? Do you think its taking mutual respect a bit too far or is it OK? What kind of a grown up man stands up for his 10 year younger teenage sister? Its one thing to stand up for really elder people who need rest but this? Is it healthyMy scenario is that I really really like the guy and would so much like to go out with him but this facet of his personality has me all confused.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 May 2011):
 what a delightful young man! it's respect to stand for women in general... my boyfriend, helps me on with my coat, holds my chair out for me, holds the door open for me, ORDERS for me at restaurants... all gentlemanly behaviors that have gone by the wayside sadly.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2011): I agree it is a bit alternative!!! I would find it weird too but not in a horrible way just different....Don't worry about all the way over the top answers here. I would say someone in his family, father/uncle/grandfather taught him to be very respectful of women. I used to date a Greek guy whose sister would constantly walk round after him clearing up his cup or getting things for him. It really annoyed me but then I found out it was part of their mannerisms at home and he would do anything for her in other ways.See it as quite a sweet thing to do rather than anything else. As time goes by you will get used to his different ways. If it makes you feel uneasy then when you are both very relaxed just mention it to him in passing and ask if all his relatives stand up for ladies when they come into a room. See what he says. Keep it light and casual and he will open up to you about things they do in the family and what he has been taught growing up. Try not to worry too much...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 May 2011):
 Listen to every single response, the Aunts have spoken.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 I think he has just got good manners. It does sound like you are perhaps slightly jealous of his little sister tho? Because you are so close in age, do you feel like she is taking away his attention a little?
If you cannot deal with this, let him go and find someone who appreciates him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 May 2011):
 LOL, you remind me of once when I was riding a crowded subway car full of male teenagers all sitting- and I was standing up. I asked -politely- one of them to give me his seat, and he said : Oh,ok- I had not realized you were THAT old.
Courtesy and chivalry know no age limits. I admit that this level of formality is very,very unusual between siblings, - but I've got the idea that probably you make it sound more formal than it is. I mean, if the sister enters a room and everybody is sitting, well, it's NORMAL that her older male brother would give her his seat ,if no other guy is fast enough , or civil enough , to do the same.
You also seem to have a problem with this guy financially supporting his sister. That too, it's a generous choice and not mandatory for an older sibling, yet it's far from strange , particularly if there is no father around . After all, "family " means more than just sharing the same DNA.
If this guy's respectable behaviour freaks you out to the point of making you doubt his mental health- maybe you two are too widely different to date each other.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (23 May 2011):
I have never heard of this but I'm going to give it a try when I next see my sister.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 May 2011):
 He has manners, is polite and (in case their parents are dead or away) seems to be carrying out his responsibility of looking after his sister, which shows that:
a) He is a responsible individual
b) He's doing what it takes to look after those who are dependent on him
c) As a family they treat each other with respect - hopefully he's equally nice to you.
I don't know - sounds like a catch. The civlization we thought was Gone With the Wind. But if it doesn't work for you, please move on.
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A
female
reader, Smileypants +, writes (23 May 2011):
 I think if a man treats his mother/sisters well, you have a wonderful man who's ready to be a life partner to a woman. Sounds like a helluva guy!! Yes, it's a bit unusual for him to do that for a baby sister...but if he's he father figure, they clearly have a very tight and loving relationship. I think it's cool he pays for her like a dad would- what a good guy! If you think this makes him weird, cut him loose so another girl can have him :o)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): It's really good manners, quite rare , the age should not be an issue, he respects his sister and she respects him. I think it's great to see young men and women with manners and respect far better than the little sxxxx who knock anyone to the ground and steal the bag....maybe you could take the lesson and pass it on.Spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): I don't think you should go out with him. If a small thing like that (and a polite and common thing--caring for his little sister who I'm sure is looking up to him as the father figure/foundation in her life) can bother you, you are not ready to deal with the rough-and-tumble interaction with a relationship with another human being with different values and manners.He deserves better.By the way, I'm a male and an older brother. My baby sister will always be the baby sister that I care for now that my dad has passed away. My little sister is special in a different way than my wife is. My wife is of course first but I always want to know if something is wrong or something is not well in my little sister's world. She's in her 40's now--and she knows I will drop everything to go to her aid if she ever needs it. Or just some time with her older brother.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): It's called chivalry. Check into it.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (22 May 2011):
 well that is taking etiquette to a whole new level! does he do the same for you when you walk into a room? yes this seems a bit over the top and i have never ever heard of this happening before. however, there are worse things a person can do than show impeccable manners and respect so if this is all you can fault him on, then i think he is probably a good boyfriend to have!
x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 You're closer in age to his sister. Not that this age gap would be such a difficult one, but your question speaks of you not having much life experience, or focusing on things that do not matter.
So what if he stands up for his sister? Too weird for you? Do you really get put off by a man (and the sister too) showing some manners, or being polite? Sure, it's not what all people do, but come on. Who cares? Why does it matter? Why bother asking? This is as interesting and important as him drinking diet coke over normal coke.
Does it mean he's a freak? Is that what you think this could mean?
Lesson number one is that people are different. Lesson number two is that being polite doesn't mean you're mentally disturbed. Lesson number three is that when people do things YOU normally don't do, it doesn't mean they're a nutcase, and moreover: there is zero you can or should do about it. Don't like it? Well then your options are to either suck it up or walk away.
So you like this guy? Then you just have to accept that this is part of who he is, and this is what he does, and he'll keep doing it, whether or not you stick around.
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