A
male
age
41-50,
*angeLover
writes:This is the first time ive ever done this type of thing...im just lookin for responses..opinions. Basicly my ex and i were together for about 7 months, broke up, didnt talk for about 3 months then we started seeing eachother again which only lasted another 2 months. Basicly...i love[d] this girl. i still care about her today. We had the most amazing relationship..i became friends with all her friends, her sister. I never cheated on her. Always loyal to her. Always there for her physically and emotionally. Loved this girl..bottom line. We were fine for about 7 months untill she got into county college, once that happened she met new ppl, started to go out to partys, meet new guys. She ended up cheating on me. I remember gettin the call at 2am sayin im sooo sorry, i know you told me that if i ever cheated on you then the relationship is over but i dont wanna lose you..please dont end things. Meanwhile shes ballin her eyes out which i couldnt take. I hate to see girls cry...it gets to me like no other. She was a wreck when i came to her house..smoking cigarettes, face all red, tears rolling down her face. I def did the wrong thing because i lied to her and told her that i cheated on her so she wouldnt feel as bad for what she did and so that she would stop crying and just wanna be with me again. It worked but it was the wrong thing to do. Two days later she decided that she wanted to take a break because she was soo busy with school and work that she had no time for me, which was true. She was taking 12 credits, and working 50 hours a week just to survive. Heres where is gets screwed up beyond belief. During the three months that we were on break she had had sex with 10-12 guys...thats like a different guy a week. She was gettin dressed up, goin to partys hookin up with random ppl..doin whatever she wanted. She lied to me about havin sex with them..told me that shes only been hookin up with ppl here and there and she would even tell me who they were. Well we stopped seein eachother and she srated to use me for cigarettes, alcohol, weed, I got sick of it and one day i just left and we havent talked for about 3 months now. The last time i saw her/talked to her was august 20th. When i did see her she wanted all the attention, i was with our friend at her house after goin to see a movie and she just kept lookin at me, wanted me to talk to her rather than her friend. It seemed like she still wanted me. I guess what im gettin at is that im still friends with all her friends, they all think that i was the best thing to ever happen to her life, they know that she fu*ked up. There was even a time when we were doin our thing and she just rolled over and started crying and i was like whats the matter? She said your not treating me like your g/f your treating me like some random girl. She said im sorry....your the best thing that ever happened to my life, your the best boyfriend i could possibly ask for, im just a bad recipient, im the bad girlfeiend. We werent even together at the time. I mean love is love. Ill always care about this girl, im not in love with her anymore but i just keep wonderin if and when she is ever gonna come back to me. I mean shes only 19, shes still young and one of the last things that she had said to me was that she just wanted to enjoy life while she's young, she just wanted to be single. I mean if all her friends tell me that i was the best thing to ever happen to her life. One of her friends even told me that shes an idiot and that if she comes back to me not to go back out with her cuz she'll never learn. My ex herself even said that i was the best thing to happen to her life, her friends parents litterally think i was a godsend to her cuz of how good i treated her. Why wouldnt she wanna be with me? Ya know it doesnt make any sense. Im just wonderin if shes ever gonna come back my way. What i should do? I dont see why she wouldnt come back. PLease comment and give opinions,Thanks
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male
reader, Benjo  +, writes (12 November 2007):
Hi,
You do sound like a very nice guy and obviously still care for her in some way as you've taken the time to seek advice here. The bottom line is if this girl did come back to you would things ever be like they were at first? Can you honestly say you would be able to forget about these guys she has slept with since you have been apart. As Anon said above, once that trust is gone you just can't get it back. It sounds like such an awful thing and it is, but things aren't so bad for you if you say you don't love her anymore. This will at least make it a little easier to move on.
Is it possible that you don't want her back but you want back what you had with her before she cheated on you for the first time? If this is the case then think about yourself, you WILL meet another girl whom you have feelings for, then you can develop a new bond of trust with this person and she won't cheat on you as I'm sure most girls don't act like this.
I'm a male of your age and have been here before, it's not nice but you have done well so far. Now you just need to have fun and wait for an exciting new beginning with somebody you do trust and things will be much better. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): Hello,
You sound like a true prince charming and she sounds just like my boyfriend who will just NEVER change.Honestly take it from me once a cheater always a cheater and I truly didn't believe that until my bf who I am now 6 months and carrying our first baby has been cheating on my for 2 yrs out of our 3.5 yr relationship. It hurts I know but just be strong and if you are not in love with her anymore it shouldn't be too hard to move on because somewhere out there is a Cinderella just waiting for you to meet them and if you continue to treat girls the same way as you did your past gf you will be much better off. TRUST ME!!!! JUST HANG IN THERE AND DON"T THINK ALL GIRLS ARE LIKE HER BECAUSE WE"RE NOT!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): I'm sorry this has happened. Are you sure you are not inlove with her anymore?? Because if that was true then you wouldn't be concerned about whether she comes back or not. So you are still inlove with her to some extent. Right?? Do you agree??? I think so. Or is it just an ego thing?? That could be possible too.
Well look it is great that everybody thinks that you are so wonderful but it really is only her opinion that matters, you know?? Clearly she thinks you are great but she is just not ready for a monogamous relationship with you and perhaps with anybody. She wants to party.
Well the truth of the matter is that in situations like yours they always regret it and always come back when it is too late. So yes, she is going to regret it and yes she will come back but she will only do so when she sees that you are over her. And the way she is going to see it is probably when you really are over her. Like when you stop hanging out with her friends and pretty much lose contact with her and anybody around her. When she hasn't heard from you in a really long time (anywhere from a couple months to a year) and her friends haven't heard from you either, that is when she is going to come around. That is how it always happens. And by then, chances are you won't want to be with her anymore.
But look the truth of the matter is that she cheated on you. Think about that. That is really mean. You may not realise it now, but as much as you think you love her, you would ALWAYS be resentful of that. And that would always affect your relationship even if she did want to be with you. Her doing that erased any possibility of you reaching your full potential of happiness that you could have in a relationship. The trust is broken. And with it many things are broken. Trust is so important. You can and will do better. Just give it time.
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 The thing is, you sound like a wonderful guy, and you don't deserve this kind of treatment. You shouldn't go on wondering when she's gonna come back - because she's still young, and doesn't know what she wants. You deserve better. Even if she does come back, she's still gonna feel that she's young, and wants to be single. All her actions now will catch up with her at some point though. You care for this girl, so i think you'd be at ease to HELP her through this. Not by giving her alcohol and cigarettes and weed... You need to let her understand that you can never be a couple again, but that you care for her, and worry about her. She is obviously going through a phase, and you can BE there for her as a friend. But keep it strictly friends. No funny business, as this might only confuse her. It must be hard for you, still having feelings for her? Either way, you need to focus on your life - because that is the only thing you are in control of. Find yourself a girl who will not only appreciate everything you do for her, but also do the same things in return.
Good luck...
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