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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am a recently divorced mom of 2 small boys. My ex husband is still trying to get me back, but he has been harassing me, and has somewhat of a pyschotic problem. He has accepted that we are divorced finally, and we have come to an agreement on custody, which is going to be 50/50, visitation, child support, and my moving with the boys to Texas. Anyway, he has no idea that I am going to be living with someone I have met. What would be the easiest way to tell him? I know he is going to go crazy, because he doesn't want the boys around another man. He is going to have to get used to it. I was thinking about telling him when I am already gone, because he may try to do something stupid if I am here. Also, is there anything he can do legally to stop me from living with someone else because of the boys if we have already been divorced and everything is already settled as far as custody and visitation?
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female
reader, Jami_23 +, writes (15 November 2005):
Oh My God You just described My situation exactly except I'm not moving, and I have two small girls, My ex cannot get over the fact that I am dating someone else and still tries to control everything I do! Its hard on the kids when I don't comply but I want my own life, When will they realize when its over its over! Just try and take it one day at a time, if You get any good advice let me know, Good Luck to you and your boys and your new begining.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): send him a house warming invite =)
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A
female
reader, Forthright +, writes (12 November 2005):
You are divorced. He has no rights over you. You are free to get on with your life. Get legal advice if you are worried about the legal situation. In fact, my understanding is that he doesn't even have rights over the boys - it is they who have a right to see their father.
The only thing I would say is that please don't tell him by letter. My mum did that to my natural dad and it has caused such acrimony since, and that has made things difficult for me. But, if he has been harassing you, I agree you should tell him after you have moved. Why not talk to him over the phone? At least that way he has a chance to respond, even if you don't want to hear what he has to say.
There will not be an ideal way of telling him, you just have to get it over and done with. You are totally right that he is going to have to get used to it. I think you are on the right tracks here and handling things really well.
All the best.
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