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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm seventeen, and I'm co-stage-managing a play with a great guy. I met him at the start of the play, and I currently have a huge crush on him. However, a close friend is the lead, and she's also got a crush on him. She's constantly flirting with him, and since she had her crush first, claims that she's got dibs. She doesn't know I like him, but is starting to figure it out. If anything happens, she'll be really hurt, upset, and angry. However, I really like him, he seems to like me too, and everyone who's seen us together has told us that we'd make a great couple. I have no idea what to do.
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female
reader, Belle +, writes (11 November 2005):
Simple facts, he will be with who he wants to be, and if she really is a friend, even if she fancies him, it won't matter at the end of the day.
But the best way to go about it would be to tell her how you feel first!!
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (11 November 2005):
 You have to do what feels right and not let her childishness get in your way. I know it must be hard, her trying to stop you doing something that you really want to do so you just have to ignore her.
If she's a real friend, she'll be happy for you, regardless or whether she fancied him first or not. You're not little girls anymore and she doesn't own someone just because she saw him first. See how sad and pathetic it sounds?!
Follow your heart and go with how you feel. If she's a real mate, she'll calm down and everything will be fine. If she doesn't, she wan't worth it anyway if she's willing to lose you over some stupid row over a guy.
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A
male
reader, Jimmy +, writes (11 November 2005):
I fully understand what you are going through. Something similar happened to me recently when a girl I developed a huge crush on, and, I think she liked me too but also had her eye on two other guys, ended up with one of the others, and all because I left it too late to open my mouth and ask her out. Right up until she went on a date with this other guy she gave me more than enough chances to say something. I was deeply hurt by this and 6 months down the line am only starting to get over this! Had I asked her out, even if she'd said no, I'd not have felt as bad as I do now. My point is, don't repeat this mistake! If you like him, go somewhere private and talk to him about the way you feel. You have to put yourself first. At the end of the day, it's his choice but there's nothing worse than not acting and regretting it as much as I did. Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Oh hunny it's simple. Just ask him out. You only live once so make the most of everything you have! So what if she likes him? He likes you not her. If she's a true friend she'll get over it. You can't move on and then think 'what if' a year later!
Go for it girl!
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (11 November 2005):
 I understand you not wanting to hurt your friend and you are a very good pal to consider her feelings. However, if you did go out with this man, you wouldn't be betraying her because she doesn't have any rights to him just because she fell for him first. It isn't as if she's been dating him and then you go out with him; she just has a crush.
Does he respond when she flirts? Hopefully not if you two are going to get together.
Now, if you are going to get together, then get together. Be straight with your friend and tell her the score. If she starts having a go at you, try to be sympathetic but remind her that he does have the choice in this and can decide who he wants to be with. Tell her that you like him and would like to give it a go but not at the expense of hurting her. Tell her that you are aware how angry and upset she is with you and that this worries you because she is important to you but that you also realise that you are entitled to happiness with someone.
This isn't an easy situation but you are all very young in which to deal with it.
As long as you are clear with her, then she can't remain angry with you for long (not that she should be angry anyway, but that is human emotions) as this isn't your fault. Once she has had time to think she will realise this.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Grow up. If you really like him, stop worrying about her, or what everyone else thinks. What you think is what is important. Talk to him. He will have to make a choice, but at your age, that is okay too. Even if he picks the actress over you, that may not last very long. People eventually learn to not be so shallow in their relationships. If he likes you, he will eventually come around to asking you out. If not, ask him out. This is the 21st century. YOu don't have to wait to be asked out by a guy. You can ask him out. Really. Its okay.
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