A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It has been close to seven weeks since we broke up (she ended it), and we have talked on instant messenger the past four days (she always initiates contact). On Saturday, she asked me if I wanted to get together for a drink or something in the near future. I am still in love with her, and as far as I know, she should know that I still have feelings for her. That said, I really have no idea what she is thinking, what spurred the recent communication, and why she wants to get together with me. I am not sure if I can handle a strictly "friendly" get together with her, but I am also not sure how I can fish out her intentions before I meet with her. Does anyone have any advice on how to best approach this situation, on whether I should ask her to clarify why she wants to get together, and/or how I should act if I do meet with her? Thanks everyone.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): She misses you that's all. You haven't called her in seven weeks. She's scared that maybe you've moved on. It's human nature.
So it can go two ways. It could genuinely be that she realises that she wants to get back with you. But it could also be that she doesn't necessarily want to be with you but she doesn't want to lose your affection altogether either. who knows?
Whatever the reason she is contacting you, don't worry about what she wants. Figure out what you want. What do you want? Are you satisfied with unrequitted love for seven weeks?
And just be cool about it. Be normal, happy to see her. Be yourself. And DON'T ask her WHY she wants to meet with you. sheesh. Why wouldn't she want to?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): Not quite sure what the last chap was on about regarding sex as that was not in your question and I dont think it was what you were implying. Some people have some strange answers here.
Well anyway, I am presuming that the relationship was ended by her and it is often that dumpers go through a process of being unsure then joy and relief but that soon settles down as you leave their negative zone to regettting, thinking of the past good times and sometimes feeling they have made a mistake.
No one wants egg on their face so she would not risk coming straight out and saying she screwed up in case you laughed in her face. So she appears to be testing the waters and is wanting to meet up and see how she feels, what you are feeling, see if there is any room for repairing this.
OR she may just miss you friendship and company and wants to be mere friends.
Either way, the best thing to do is say nothing, ask nothing but zero pressure on her and just go with an open mind and see what happens. React to what happens rather than trying to plan what to do beforehand. I do not think you need to know beforehand anyway, she may not even be sure herself until she meets with you.
Go, be upbeat, happy, confident, look good, being friendly and here is one big tip, and trust me I know what I am talking about - DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP unless she does first. Do not say you love her, do not ask if she has changed mind. This is some real hard reverse phycology but trust me it works. I am a guru on a website for bringing back lost loves. Be open to whatever she wants to talk about but do not initiate. Do not be or look downcast if she is not there to talk about a reconcilliation as it may come later IF you play it right - leave her with a great impression of a great, happy, confident guy and she may ponder on that AFTER the meeting.
Oh and be a sport, come back and let us know here what happens, I am interested in this
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (8 August 2007):
Yep, be strong and go out on the date-like meeting. It is the only way to be sure. See if you can gain hints if you talk to her on the phone or message her in the mean time.
Again, be strong, but also be cautious. If it turns into sex, don't go thinking automatically that it will definitely become a regular thing or instantly become a relationship again. If it does, keep in mind that she already ended it once and might be confused and not know what she really wants. She may end it again. Just don't go in blind.
Of course you could just stay at home and wonder for the rest of your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): Well, I guess it's clear that she wants something--but what?
To get back together, to string me along, to see if I am still into her enough to meet her, to make me suffer, to test the waters, etc.?
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (8 August 2007):
 Let me just say first that if the sex wasn't phenomenal, then chances are she's not wanting to get back with you for the sex, unless she hasn't had it in a while, and NEEDS it. The only sure way to determine what it is she wants, is to ask her. If she just says to get together, then you'll have to show up for the real answer. You will find out soon enough, but rest assured she wants something.
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