A
male
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anonymous
writes:Hi,What is the best way to break up with someone. I want to be decent about it.She is a nice girl, but we are with each other a while, and i am just not clicking enough and want out of the relationship. She has done nothing wrong. i just dont see myself with her any longer.She is expecting to come over to my house and stay the weekend, but i am breaking up, so i dont want her to come all the way over to my house - so i am somehow going to try to suggest meeting somewhere neutral to meet first and then break the news (though she may get suspicious). But then that means i have to lie to her that nothing is wrong until i meet up with her, and that makes me feel a bit sneaky.I dont think a phone call is the best way either though i would rather meet her face to face - i want to explain why i am breaking up rather than just dumping her and leaving her cold.Any advice? (Girls in particular!) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): You need to meet up with her and have a face to face chat. It wouldn't be easy but it is the fairest way to do this. No one like to break up but if that is how it has to be then do it very gently and decently.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, perkypanda  +, writes (16 March 2007):
I've been in that position too, its wrong to do it over the phone but you feel bad having them meet with you just to end things, but I think in the end she'll appreciate you have the balls to do it in person. Be firm, but get the point across, that's the best way. Maybe meet somewhere close to her so she doesn't have to make some big treck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Ending a relationship is never easy. You are to be commended for wanting to do so face-to-face, and in the way that will be least hurtful. Even so, it will be a shock and upsetting.
Meeting somewhere neutral - and quiet - is a very good idea. She may well be a bit suspicious when you suggest it, but she'll just have to live with her anxiety a bit until you actually meet. When you do, begin by letting her know you appreciate the good times you had, and mention the nice qualities you like about her, but then, you just have to come out and say that you want more out of the relationship than you are getting. She's nice, as you said, but the bottom line is that you two are not really a good match.
Perhaps your outlook on life and values and goals are different? Maybe you don't share similar social interests and activities? Or has the "spark" somehow faded? Think about it so that you can point to specific issues when you break the bad news.
If she attempts to get you to change your mind - DON'T. You have made your decision and you need to stick to it (think of firing an unsuitable employee and how that is).
Let her know she has lots of good qualities, and you are sure (if in fact you ARE) that she will eventually meet someone else who will love and appreciate her as she deserves.
I would add finally, that you not try to stay in touch with her as a friend after your talk. Broken up is exactly that: something that once existed but no longer does, and is to be treated as past history, so that BOTH of you can move on with a good conscience after a time to grieve and learn from what happened. Its part of life, after all.
IF she wants to call you later - say a week later - because she has questions or needs more clarification, I would hope you will be open to allowing one phone call for that purpose only, and to wish one another well. Then, finis. No more. (Some would say end it after your meeting, but as someone who has been the dumpee before, I think it generous and compassionate to allow one more call, if desired.
But after that, its out of your hands. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Hi there,
If I were you, I'd call her up as soon as you can and say, "hey - before you come over this weekend, we need to talk.", (she'll probably see it coming from that alone. However, that's a good warning that the weekend trip to your house might not happen).
When you break up with her, do it nicely, be a gentleman... just remember that she's got feelings and you don't want to hurt them. Tell her pretty much what you said here. Tell her that she's a great girl and you love hanging out with her. Tell her that she hasn't done anything wrong but for you the relationship isn't really *clicking*. Tell her you've had so much fun getting to know her, but for you it's time to move on and have some time to yourself.
Make sure you let her feel like she's been a fun part of your life and a positive memory.
She might be upset, but if you're a gentleman about it, it'll be easier to get over and in the future she'll thank you for being decent about it.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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