A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I'm 24 year old young man who is afraid to approach women. I'm not inexperienced in terms of a relationship or anything like that because I've had serious relationship and they've gone pretty well until they just fade out, and most of my relationships come about naturally. I'm a very nice guy, but don't let women take advantage of me. So I'm not your typical nice guy finish last kind of guy. The problem is that when I see a girl that I like I'm just afraid to approach them thinking that they will reject me. I just want some tips and pointers from people on here. What's the best way to approach a woman? Thank youP.S: If you don't have anything positive to say, then don't answer my question. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 July 2014):
 To approach a woman for what? Friendship? Her phone number? A date? Sex?
What specifically are you looking for?
How did you "approach" the women you have dated? "I'm not inexperienced in terms of a relationship or anything like that because I've had serious relationship and they've gone pretty well until they just fade out, and most of my relationships come about naturally. I'm a very nice guy, but don't let women take advantage of me. So I'm not your typical nice guy finish last kind of guy."
The relationships go pretty well until they just fade out? How many of these vanishing relationships have you had? Normally there's a period of discordance and unhappiness before a breakup. The woman just faded out or you just faded out?
When you say most relationships come about naturally, how did they start? A random meeting? An introduction from a friend? A friendship that turned to something more?
And how is it that women are taking advantage of you? Are they maxing out your credit cards or are they ignoring your calls unless they feel the need for a nice lunch or dinner out?
"Hi, what do you think of this music? It sounds like band xyz to me, am I right?"
"Hi, I couldn't help but notice that you had a volleyball as well as a Stradivarius, one tucked under each arm. What a coincidence! I love to play volleyball and I'm a huge violin music fan! Could we maybe go have some coffee together? I'm so intrigued by women with your interests!"
What's the best way to approach a woman? Well, when you remember that women are individuals and not entirely predictable and that what works with one woman would turn off another woman, you'll be that much closer to a date.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2014): I know it's sort of hard because misunderstandings happen all the time. Say you're in a long line at an amusement park or at a play during intermission and you chat for quite awhile with a polite, pretty, intelligent woman. So you take a chance, introduce yourself, ask to exchange numbers ... and get turned down. Say she's polite about it. That wasn't personal rejection, it was just her "uh-oh" moment. Here she was, thinking she was just having a pleasant conversation to pass the time and ... "shoot, this guy thinks I've been flirting." Sometimes she'll take it to be polite and prevent short-term awkward or embarrassing you and then she doesn't call. That's annoying. But not personal. Rejection happens, it would be scary if every woman gave you a chance since many of them are just flirting or just plain nuts.
If you already semi-know her from work/volunteer/class/acquaintance, you're more likely to get a phone number or get friended on some social media. She'll have relaxed some and that's where you can just talk about something friendly - the thing you have in common (boss/book you're reading/crazy friend's antics) or anything else. Maybe you comment on a trip she took or a upcoming niece, whatever. It's hard to tell if that can or will cross the line into dating, but it's worth a shot. You can invite her out to group things such as a volleyball game at your church or whatever. if you've done that before, I'm sure she'll say yes. Spend MOST of the time talking to her or offer to buy her something little and affordable like a milkshake. Nothing elaborate. Invite her out to dinner or a movie (in public for goodness sake!) and see if she goes. This is where confusion can set in, she thinks you're just friends and didn't realize you liked her. That's where when she tells a story or has some insight (and if it's true) you can tell her she looks pretty or she has a cute laugh and see how she reacts. If she's "on the fence" about whether or not you have a chance past friendship, you can ask her a few times but then ask her to be more direct (some girls don't want to hurt feelings and just hope you'll stop liking her). OK, so she wants to be friends only, that's rejection and feels a little bad but at least you know. Rejection sucks, but you do need to be more forward without sexually assaulting or harassing her. See if you can get away with touching her bicep or opening doors or slipping out with, 'honey". I doubt she'll slap you if she considers you a friend. If that's all that happens (friend zoned) keep trying, I'm sure you'll find someone who IS looking and likes you back
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 Fear of rejection is normal, to an extent. Your problem from what I can tell by what you've written is your mindset. You think EVERY woman you want to approach will reject you. Try to figure out why that is.
Other ways to think about this I think will help:
1.) Rejection is something we ALL have dealt with at some point in our lives. You won't be everyone's cup of tea. Getting rejected doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Besides, does the opinion of a woman you don't even know REALLY matter?
2.) Think about all the women you ever found attractive. Can't think of them all? Exactly. So what's the harm in approaching one of them, when you will come across literally hundreds more women you find attractive in the future? So if one rejects you, there will be hundreds more to take her place.
3.) If you think a woman is "out of your league" because you perceive her as more attractive than you, cut it out. Does she hop out of bed in the morning having wide eyes, silky smooth hair, flawless skin, etc? No. She wakes up with sleep in her eyes, messy hair, and bad breath just like you. In other words, she's HUMAN. Quit placing her on a pedestal.
4.) Even men who are successful with women have been rejected, and probably a lot. That's part of being successful, is being willing to put yourself out there. Even after multiple rejections. You just don't hear about their rejections, because they only talk about the times they were successful.
Overall, you don't seem like someone who has low self esteem or is socially awkward. So in your case, just change your mindset about this, and you will be fine.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 Tips: don't LIKE a girl you don't even know. You can think that she's hot, but don't start having feelings for her just because she's got pretty eyes or whatever... Get what I mean?
If you don't care at all, are not emotionally invested whatsoever, then a rejection doesn't matter. How would a rejection matter, seriously, if you don't care about the person? Your life isn't somehow less rich because this rejection, you're not missing this person the day after or anything, there's no big hole in your life after a rejection...
If you have an irrational fear of rejection, or low self esteem, then that's something else all together that you need to work on. But as far as not being afraid to approach women? Just don't CARE about them.
You can start caring once you've been on a date or two and actually get a feeling of who this person is and whether or not they are someone you can possibly like. But until then, don't care at all. Don't start thinking this is the woman of your dreams when you haven't even said hi, because all you'll do is build up tons of unnecessary expectations and pressure. Always just take one step at a time.
I don't have any problems chatting up guys I don't care about and who I don't like or don't know. It's as easy as talking about the weather with an old lady at the bus stop. But talking to someone I like??? Ooooh, that's difficult! Because if I actually like someone, I want to impress them, and I start to think about how I look, how I come across, what words to say etc.
Chatting up a stranger I don't try to impress at all. I rather see if THEY impress ME, and if we can't have a natural conversation flow without awkwardness then they weren't that cool after all, and why should I care about hanging out with them again???
Remember, you're looking for a girlfriend here, not just "scoring" or whatever... Someone who is girlfriend-material will be easy to talk to. So just stop caring, and worry about impressing her once you've found out whether she's worth the bother or not.
PS. Best way to approach a woman is to just approach her and introduce yourself.
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