A
female
age
36-40,
*riana1986
writes:Hi, I am a 28 years old woman, I met this guy online (he's 38), we are living in different country. I was in a relationship when he first contacted me, but only told him that when i was about to break up with my ex. After 6 months I came to visit him for 10 days. He was so into me until then. I came back and we agreed that we are in a relationship then. We keep in touch and do regular video calls. He plans to visit me in a month after 2 months being apart, and we both were so excited about it. Long story short, i did something that makes him think i might play around with other guys - which i didn't. I tried to explain things, and he seems to understands it. But turned out he doesn't. We were talking as usual and i annoyed him by not getting his joke right. Then he was mute. Until i text him which he seems reluctant to reply. He seems so distant and i asked him why after a week of torture. Then he told me he might not be as "excited" as i do anymore, but he's still coming. I tried to be calm about it and said he can have the time and space he needs. But i juat couldn't contain myself and let him know that i feel so shattered about what he said. And he said he doesn't need space and time, and he's still coming, we can keep in touch, but some things just don't work. What should i expect? Does it mean we still have chance? What should i do? I am too much into this relationship now that i am planning to move in 4 months, leaving everything behind. Thanks.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 July 2014):
 He sounds to be very insecure, this can easily happen when the relationship is long distant. I feel that you both need to spend more quality time together getting to know each other and finding out how you both get on together in the same place. I think moving your life to be with him is a bit premature. I think you should spend more time together first and make sure it is what you both want because at the minute it sounds like he is ensure about what he wants which could cause a lot of trouble.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (14 July 2014):
 OP IM sorry but I think you need a reality check. Have you only met this guy the once so far? If so then you barely know him. The months of video calls, texts, phone conversations and so forth mean little in the real world. Communication and getting to know someone in a non face to face way is very different from actually being with someone in the real world.
You say you are really invested in this relationship and planning to up and move to be with him but whooo there...you hardly know him and vice versa! Sorry but you have met him once or twice, whatever it is, and that's no where near long enough to get to know someone. This "relationship" is mainly virtual right now and I feel it would be a mistake for one of you to move to another country when you hardly know each other in real life situations.
You may well find the reality of being with him in real life doesn't match the excitement and anticipation of waiting for that to happen.
Trust is the most important factor in any relationship ESPECIALLY one in which you live apart. Clearly the trust has been broken over a simple misunderstanding which shows he is insecure about this situation. I think you need to slow right down and see what happens after you meet up soon. You may find the next time you meet that he shows a side you didn't get to see via video calls and texts and he is stand offish or whatever. Play it cool and see what happens, but please don't rush into commitment as you hardly know each other.
Mark
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