A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a really great guy with whom I recently became sexually active for the first time. I enjoy being intimate with him, and he says he feels the same way, but he expresses concern that I don't make a sound during any type of sexual stimulation. Being silent during sex is just completely natural for me, I've tried attempting to make some sort of expressive sound but it just feels really artificial. Is this normal? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): It's certainly not abnormal for you to be quiet, (God knows my bf and probably some of his neighbors would like me to be a bit quieter...) but like Old Guy said, he's probably used to a screamer - either from personal life or porn. If you'd like to show audible appreciation during sex, maybe words would feel more natural than sounds? "That feels good," "I like when you do that," or even a simple "yes" or his name might come more naturally than trying to moan and screech or heavy breathe at him, and still give him the positive feedback he's looking for. Best of Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): There is no 'normal'. It depends on the person. I know lots of guys who are almost spooky in their propensity to cum silently and expressionless. It could be acquired behaviour from when they were jerking off as teenagers and felt like they had to keep it quiet. Me, on the other hand - my housemate tells me I always 'sound like a cat being strangled' during sex. I don't really think about it and am not aware of it at the time, but by all accounts I make an unbelievable amount of noise during sex - in her words 'you've no idea how extreme it gets'
I thank her for her tolerance and will let her babysit my kids someday, in the ridiculously unlikely event that I ever have any.
If your boyfriend has expressed concern about this, it's possible that as Old Guy said, his last girl was a total screamer and he wonders why you don't do the same. Tell him what you've told us, to put his mind at rest, or maybe try to give it a bit more vocal appreciation - even if it feels a bit forced, it might drive him wild and you'll feel the benefits!
Best of luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2009): Everyone is different. Some women are "vocally appreciative," but lots are like you.
Guys are often insecure about their performance. When a girl starts making a whole bunch of noise (and he's sure it's genuine & spontaneous) the message goes straight to his ego that he's a stud. If the first girl he was seriously sexual with was a screamer, he's likely to interpret silence as poor performance on his part. And of course it doesn't help that no porn features gals who are quiet in bed.
If he's good in bed and leaving you satisfied, find a way to make it clear to him. There's more to feedback than moaning. G
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A
male
reader, cheated  +, writes (12 August 2009):
everyone is different. my wife is fairly quiet and l dont mind at all. the expressions on her face and how she moves her body is worth more than moans and groans.
my previous ex was very load and it actually got quite embarressing at times.
but each to their own.
hope this helps.
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