A
female
age
41-50,
*aryBeth1983
writes:I don't really know where to begin. My boyfriend and I have always had our ups and downs. (A lot more downs than ups) We weren't together when we started 'messing' around.He was still with his ex (not during the messing) but around there roughly.He broke my heart.We got back together and stayed together. I moved down to Windsor for himand than we had Charlie (1 year) now we are going through so many stresses. Right, now for instance we have 23 dollars in the bank.We have a 1 year old (enough said there)and he hates his job.There's more but that is the basics.Whenever he is angry or mad at me. He pushes, he knows all my buttons and uses them. He swears at me when I have expressed that we needed to stop doing that. (I'm guilty as well) I won't explain what he uses. It will only upset people. We are both extremely HOT headed people. He won't leave me alone when I've asked him nicely. He doesn't apologize when he is wrong and makes me apologize. I apologize to keep peace.An example - I REALLY hate it when he goes into my space. I can't explain how he does it, but it is very aggressive. (He has never hit me and the day he does I'm out) But, when he is angry he becomes aggressive and in my space. I ask him please get out of my way. He swears, he than leans in and gives me what I can explain as a suck kiss. Where he does it dilerbatly to annoy me. It is not nice, I than bit his lip gently enough so he would stop.Yes, He stopped. He got so mad he basically said " You owe me an apology. Fuck you" and walked out the door to work. There are other times- where he will just bitch about something I have done wrong and won't have a conversation about what he has done wrong. He says " All he hears is.. I suck". That is not what I am trying to tell him or say to him at all. I'm really getting tired and fed up with him not having discussions with me. Like a grown up- a lot of the time I feel like I am dealing with a sullen teenager than a man. I want a man. A man that I feel respect. He talks about respect and how I should respect him. I really don't feel like he respects me. Another example - I've been waiting for him to take this door down to the dump for like ever. (It's really heavy) and I can't carry it. It's been almost a week. he says, "yes, I'll do it-- yes I'll do it" Do I believe? Not anymore. What do I do? Now, don't get me wrong generally of late we have been really good - like a month (lol) where we haven't been cussing at each other or etcc...I don't want it to happen again. It's twice now. I'm afraid for when Charlie is older, if we don't get this fighting under control - what would happen to his emotional stablety. etc... We have gone to counseling- but moved to the city, where it is 200 dollars per hour. Wayyyyy to expensive for us. We've even tried going to seperate rooms for aw hile, problem with that is there is never a good time to talk about what we fought.Tired and need help
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Your partner hates his job and he is stressed there, taking it back home. There is not much money in the bank, he is stressed there. He has a small child with you. I take my hat off to him, some men financially under turn to alcohol. Your partner is a human being. An unhappy one right now. Nothings been chucked around the house which is a sign of stress. Your partner needs your support. At the same time, certain behaviours require boundaries with little warnings and when people are in the dumps you have to think up some ideas to make life fun again or put a boundary on that too. He is unhappy of so many areas of his life, don't make his homelife unhappy too. Give him a lot of attention to make him feel special, that you are worried about him, that he is important to both of you. And that he is amazing for what he is doing for the family, a horrible job. Poor guy.
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