A
female
age
51-59,
*cotlass65
writes:What is more wrong? Checking on your boyfriends phone or finding out he has betrayed you? Seemingly he said I would never of got hurt and I shouldn't have gone looking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Scotlass65 +, writes (9 August 2013):
Scotlass65 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for all your feedback,
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 I don't think it's that black and white (or as you put it which is more wrong).
You trusted your gut more then you trusted him (and apparently with good reason). If things seems odd in a relationship and you CAN'T talk it out, I kind of get the snooping, though I'm not a fan of it. Because... if things are THAT bad with the trust, I don't really see a point in staying.
I don't think he is over her at all. People don't "sexy chat" with exes for shits and grins.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): To me, making a comparison is a bit pointless, as they both indicate to me that the relationship is over.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): Clearly he lives by the rule "what you don't know can't hurt you"... Both are devastating to a relationship. He truly cannot be trusted. And your instincts know this, which is what usually drives a woman to snoop in the first place. Deep down inside every woman who does this kind of snooping is a woman begging to be proven wrong. You had a hunch and you really hoped you were wrong. Then you could purge the nonsense in your head once and for all. But usually if your instincts tell you something is odd you need to come up with a better way to confront the cheater so he doesnt know you snooped. If you tell him you looked at his phone he'll just be more careful about deleting things next time. It would be best to say a friend saw him or you saw him (or better yet, if you have enough info then show up when he's planned a date with the person he's messing with then you catch him red handed and he doesn't ever know for sure how he got busted). If you have to snoop you must never reveal how you found out about his indiscretions. Because cheaters will always try to tell you it's. all in your crazy little head and your job is to prove him wrong without revealing how you know he's a cheater. Good luck.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 If I were you, i'd take what he says with a pinch of salt.
easier said than done , " if I wanted to be with her, I'd just tale a plane and go " - when there is still an actual, official husband present on location and apparently engaged in sorting his marriage out... The husband may not be happy with the travel plans :)
To me, unluckily it feels as if your concerns are legitimate and there's the distinct possibility that you are a plan B.
As for your question, cheating is worse than snooping- like a felony vs. a misdemeanour, but they both are violations of trust.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (3 August 2013):
 Scotlass, I remember your first post. I don't agree with snooping, but I've done it as a last resort when my gut was telling me something was not right (and I was correct).
Can I gently recommend that you read this article? Note numbers 3, 6, 26 and 28.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/how-to-avoid-being-a-passing-time-candidate-30-signs-that-somebody-isnt-interested-or-is-half-heartedly-interested-in-you/
Remember, it's not a competition of 'what's worse'. That's not the issue here, and please don't let your fiancé turn it into that.
All the best x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): Your boyfriend betraying you. I am a suspicious person but I wouldn't check his phone. I like to confront the person this way I make them squirm and feel guilty.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): Which would you rather have happen to you, get betrayed or get snooped on when you were innocent? Exactly. Betrayal is worse. Its not even questionable.
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female
reader, Scotlass65 +, writes (3 August 2013):
Scotlass65 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you I'm just very suspicious as he is very close friends with his ex he tells her alll about us, even said he was just with me for sex and to pass the time, even though she lives abroad and she is trying to sort her own marriage out, he even said if he really wanted to be with her he would have caught a plane to be with her he's had a couple of relationships after the split with her, but I get the feeling it's one sided but coming from him I feel he still carries a torch for her. I'm angry he tries to sex chat her and calling her a sexy lady, to me that's not right, he hasn't even updated her and told her he proposed to me and that I have moved in with him which makes me feel I'm second best
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2013): This comparison is not valid. Cheating on the girlfriend is bad, but snooping on the boyfriend is as bad too. One does not justify the other.
I understand that your boyfriend may not deserve a loyal girl like you, but this doesn't give every woman in the world the right to spy on their men and feel good about it.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (3 August 2013):
 Your boyfriend betraying you is worse. Whenever I suspect something is not quite right, I always do some snooping. I am right 100% of the time. My gut never fails me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): Your boyfriend betraying you is far worse. His betrayal hurts you, and betrays your trust and ends a relationship... You snooping only hurts yourself. You should have found NOTHING in his phone, felt bad for looking, yet had your trust restored... and that would be the end of it. It is only awful to have someone snoop on you, if you have something to hide. If someone snoops on you, and they find nothing, you just think it reflects their insecurity, maybe disappointed they didn't trust you, but you hope it will build the trust, by them finding nothing. I believe, generally, you snoop because your gut instinct knows something is wrong, or because they have done something in the past to ruin the trust, that needs rebuilding. Lucky you found out... good thing you snooped and now you know. Use that information to walk away from something that is a deal breaker.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2013): Betrayal is far worse. I wouldnt even listen to those who blame you for snooping. There is no such thing as privacy in a committed relationship. Unless you have things you need to hide of course.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Are you normally suspicious, or did you have a hunch that he needed checking on because something wasnt right about him? What he is doing is trying to put you on the defensive, because he has been caught out. It`s the oldest trick in the book.
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female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (2 August 2013):
People dont like being snooped on, only when they have things to hide. He is trying to shift blame onto you by saying that.
If you are not a natural snooper, then it sounds very much like your inner senses were telling you somethings not right about him. He has betrayed you.
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female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (2 August 2013):
 Him betraying you is worse in my opinion but it's not good to go snooping. If you feel the need to check someone's phone, something is not right in the relationship.
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