| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: hello,i have a small problem, my bf and i have a good sex life, when we first started sleeping together we did it every time we met (bout 3 times a week) now we see each other slightly more and have sex 9 times out of 10. the other morning, after having sex 2 nights in a row, i noticed his hard on as he got up to go to the loo, it was gone when he came back and after a while i put my hand on his crotch when we were still in bed and he made a joke about thats not what nice girls do,i cant rem exact words. normally if i do that we have sex but nothing happened we just slipped off back to sleep, i did it again as i was quiet horny and he was hard but as i tried to take off his boxers (he put them on when he went to the loo and i would normally do this) he didnt make his usual effort to get them off and just lay there, i felt so rejected and on the verge of tears so i sat up to get out of bed, he called me a name in a jokey way as he always does cos its easy to rise me but i was fragile enough at that moment and went in for my shower slamming the door and left the house straight after.is it normal for a guy to be in bed with his randy naked girlfriend with a hard-on and just not want anything to happen.i really feel as though he's gone off me, we'r only together 10 months and im feeling quiet hurt at the moment.
View related questions:
horny, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jezibelinhell +, writes (16 July 2006):
 Morning wood does not mean he's horny. Maybe he was tired or even sore from the previous night. No guy is in the mood 24/7. They do have other interests...like sleep. Don't take it personally.
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (16 July 2006):
 I'm quite surprised that the men have not advised you about the fact that most of them wake up with an erection in the morning and it has nothing to do with feeling horny. Overnight, urine flows into the bladder - for girls and boys - but for boys, the pressure of a full bladder stops the flow of blood out of the penis. The erectile tissue in the penis is made for storing blood to get a stiffy so this is not a problem. Once men go to the bathroom first thing in the morning, the pressure is off, blood flows out again and the erection "dies". So, an early morning erection has nothing to do with erotic thoughts, it is only a biological reaction to pressure from the bladder.
Don't be upset and don't take it personally. Once your bf has had enough sleep, and with good communication as the others have told you, I'm sure he wants you as much as you want him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): thanks, i know i prob took it too personally but like you said im inexperienced (but sex wasnt from the start,he had to wait a couple of months) so iv never asked any of these questions and dont know the correct ettiquette (excuse spelling) and also he's older so has that extra experience on his side.
thanks for the reasurances!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): I don't think being erect is an indicator of much, to be honest. I certainly don't think he was thinking of any one else, so don't worry about that at all.
You do seem to be having quite a lot of sex, it is entirely normal for it to reduce a bit the longer you are together, it certainly doesn't mean any thing is wrong with the relationship.
You ideally need to talk about this, in a way that he does not feel like you are having a go at him. Ask him if he feels like you expect sex more than him, talk about what happened the other morning, tell him you realise it's silly but you thought at the time that he didn't fancy you any more. Hopefully a very simple explanation will come out. He might just not have been up to having sex again!
The stage I talk about is once that usually starts after around 7 months together. It happens in relationships in particular where sex was involved in the relationship right from the beginning. When the relationship is new, it is far easier to have lots of fun sex, but once you have been together for some time, you start to get in to a routine. Some of the initial "spark" or "rahhhhh!" feeling goes, and being around one another seems less exciting. I don't mean this is a bad thing, not at all, but you start to become more like companions as well as lovers.
In the first stage of a relationship, where the sex drive is high, and everything is new, often people don't get in to arguments, there isn't really much communication needed, that is why it doesn't become a problem.
However, once you've settled down, and the amount of sex levels out, little "incidents" (such as the one you described) do happen and it is up to communicating both your needs and feelings that will get you through it. If you have a solid relationship, you understand and respect each other, and your relationship is built on more than sex then you have nothing to worry about. If he is the only one you have slept with then you have a slight disadvantage because you are less experienced at knowing how men behave, but you shouldn't take his decrease in sex drive personally.
You also should understand that men, generally speaking, like women (i guess) can tend to get moody over something that you have no idea about.
If what has happened is bothering you, wait until there is a good time to "have a chat" and talk about it. Hopefully he will listen to you and resolve any worries you might have!
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 July 2006):
 Sex is about mind and body.
Your body can be 'ready for sex' (ie physicall turned on) but you can feel mentally not turned on. You've heard the phrase: 'the mind is willing but the body is weak'. Well, the opposite is possible: 'the body is willing but the mind is weak'.
There have been plenty of times when I could have gotten (or have had) an erection, but have not felt like sex due to being too tired, stressed, or just not capbable of intimacy at that moment.
Sometimes you can get an erection but think that you won't be able to orgasm... just that you think you might not be able to get more turned on, or that you are too tired to have sex and so that your erection will probably dissappear soon.
I think what Pete is saying about 'that stage' is that you are at that stage in your relationship where it is being tested by your abilities to communicate openly and effectively about sex. It's a true test. If you two are going to make it in the long run, you need to be in a place where you can openly, honestly and non-critically talk about sex with each other. This includes stuff like not wanting it at certain times.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): but he was all ready and erect?? that makes me think he was hard thinking of someone else?
and could you describe "that stage" please, i know im bein really anal and annoying but this is one relationship that would devestate me if it ended, especially if its avoidable. he's my most serious boyfriend and the only one iv slept with even though im 23.
he shows love instead of saying it so the lack of a show has bothered me
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2006): Well, contrary to popular belief, us guys arn't (always) these raving sex addicted animals always always up for sex at every given opportunity! ... even when presented with a sexy naked girlfriend lying next to us, desperate for some horny sweet loving action!
The situation you have found yourself in is it's in "that stage" where the sex and intimacy changes slightly.
What now decides whether or not you "make it" as a couple is how you deal with the changes. *drum roll* This is where both your communication skills and experience at dealing with the other sex comes in!
You both need to talk about the situation and, at all costs, avoid the pattern you are slipping in to (you feeling rejected, and him getting moody) if you see this behaviour happening, you need to break out of it and a) you not take the sexual rejection personally and b) him talk about what has changed. With that said, you can work at correcting where you have gone wrong and resume to a harmonious relationship, full of great satisfying sex; of course.
This is not a serious situation, good communication will resolve the problem. But without that - things *will* get worse. Good luck!
...............................
|
