A
male
age
51-59,
*onfusedintenn
writes:My wife and I have been married for 17 years. She has never had sex with anyone other than me. She told me just two days ago that our sex life was great but that she wanted to experience sex with another man and also said she wanted me to be with another woman. She said that sex is just one thing and our sexual relationship was something greater but that this could enhance our relationship and that what we learned from that experience we could incorporate in our relationship. I am just looking for advice, I don't know if she should do this or not. I really do not care about being with someone else myself.
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male
reader, Flashtony  +, writes (1 January 2011):
This can only end in pain for you, some people can live like that and some even claim to be happy. I think that it's unlikely.
If you love someone, you don't want them to be banging someone else!
I suspect that she is sexually frustrated by her lack of experience before you and wants to experiment now.... She may even have someone in mind and may have 'chatted' online about it... I hope that she hasn't already tried it! You should both talk openly and freely about both your desire and concerns and fears, do it now, before it's too late. Open sex is unlikely to be the answer.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): I believe that you should DATE before marriage, not after. Your wife is suggesting an open relationship... which is Chapter ! from the Cheater's Handbook of excuses.... Chances are she isn't pure as the driven snow and that there have been 'experiences' that have elicited this... I would also go so far as to suggest that she has had her eye on someone in particular ... or is presently involved with someone else. Marriage is sacred. If you are a moral man, then step up to the plate and lead your family out of the darkness ... back into what is righteous. Marriage was not created to serve man... it was created to elevate mankind.
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A
male
reader, CJH +, writes (18 December 2010):
 For some couples it works, for others it doesnt. You could probably find dozens of people who will tell you it was great and their sex lives have improved as a result of bringing a third party either as part of a threesome or on a one on one basis.
For every couple you find who tell you its worked for them, I can go and find ten who will tell you it destroyed the love they shared together. You say youre not interested in doing this yourself but youre thinking about agreeing to your wife doing it? Think about this properly. Its true, sex and love can be separated but thats between two people who dont love each other.
How are you going to feel when the images of your wife caressing another guy, wanting him and giving him the passion that she should be giving to you? On the face of it, the sexual thrills are there sure but the potential for resentment, jealousy and the fact that your wife might want more and more of this thing as it goes on, in my own view, make it a complete no no.
Youve got to make your own mind up but, I`ve been there and despite being certain I could cope with it, I wasnt.
Why not talk things through with your wife and see if you can work out a way to re-invent your sex lives together rather than run the risk of tearing your marriage appart?
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): as tempting as it may be you both need to stick to yourselves because after it things are gonna change and you may wana try it more often. Infedelity can never be the answer, if you guys wana try new stuff maybe you should try watching porno together you'd see new moves and you can try them out together
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): I do not believe in that...if your with one person and you truly love them, you wouldn't or shouldn't even consider having sex with another person and the fact that she's even considering it says a lot about her and the way she feels. I don't think you should let her do it
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (18 December 2010):
 There are groups of people who are in to this type of thing, I'm sure you will be able to find them on the internet
If you are not bothered really about this it could ruin the relationship that you have with your wife and you may live to regret going there. Find out what it all entails before you get roped in to anything.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 December 2010):
 Infidelity is a strong word. Before you only knew that one person is good, getting another is betrayal and that's bad. As you explore anything outside monogamy you will find terms like polyfidelity, triad or quad relationships. There are many models of relationships and anything goes. You will find out the desire to be with another woman is there. You just have to unlearn your ideas about relationships you formed these 17 years. Since your wife is the first one mentioning this it triggered your defense mechanism. You are thinking: aren't I good enough? You are trying to defend monogamy. Your response is either going to be a yes or a no. There is no graceful way to request a threesome but how she said it made you go the other way. In fact she may even sound insensitive when she said it when she's just being honest with herself. I am not sure myself how a threesome enhances my relationship, but the important thing is to authentic to your desires. Love can mean restricing yourself, curbing your desires for other people. It can also mean setting each other free, because love is infinite. It doesn't mean that when you are giving someone else your love you have less love to give your wife.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): To be honest you'd be playing with fire. You can not know what sort of complications might lead from this. Life is not so simple that you can seperate actions from feelings. Rather than enhance your relationship - it might possibley break it.
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