Whats going on with my best friend?

A female age 36-40, *ittykhaos writes:

*Parker* and i have known each other for 7 years. We met at college. At first there was nothing besides friends (i was 17 n he was 14). We formed a close friendship I was the only person he ever confided in (this never really changed). About 6 months into our friendship i got a b/f. *Dave* they became the best of friends too. We went on happily being friends, we lived together, played in bands together, went on holiday together, all kinds of stuff. After about 2 years i started to fall for Parker who was now 16+ 6"5. I figured it was just a crush and would go away on its own. Dave started to get abusive (mostly verbal) and so i lent on Parker. We grew closer and closer. After we finished college, we decided to go to uni together as we were all musicians and we didn't fancy moving to another city on our own.I knew in my heart of hearts that i shouldn't have gone as my relationship with Dave was increasingly more physically violent but part of me didn't want to lose Parker. By this point i was so in love with Parker the thought of not going with him made me sad. Dave and i rented a flat and Parker moved into a student house 3 streets away. After some complications with uni, i ended up working full time while Parker and Dave studdied. Parker became very un happy and skipped uni alot and spent alot of time with me.Dave became more abusive and alienated me from his social circle. Parker became depressed and Dave developed schizophrenia (which i later discovered was down to taking class A drugs). Dave's treatment of me got so bad that i feared for my life and i couldn't talk to Parker about it because i knew it upset him and he was all ready depressed( and only 17). I tried to leave but Dave made it impossible. He started threatening Parker and i saying if he ever caught us together he would kill us. But there was still nothing going on. I was hopelessly in love with Parker but never said a word. In the end depression got the best of Parker and he went home leaving me with Dave. I was heart broken and scared and i resented Dave. I tried again to leave him. Tn the end i found a work friend who put me up. I told Dave i was leaving him he said if i did he would kill himself. I left for work and didn't think much of his threat. I got a phone call from Dave telling me he had taken an overdose. I got a friend to go round and call him an ambulance. I left work and went to see him. I got there and he was like, "I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE" i looked at him and filled with hate. I walked out of the hospital and i never looked back. A few months later i went to see Parker for his birthday. He told me he was in love with me. I had no idea,he started kissing me but i was so nervous it never went any further. The next day we talked about it, he said "you live 200 miles away so i guess this can't happen". I got on a train and i cried all the way home. A year went by i saw Parker 2 or 3 times but he was distant. I tried seeing other people but all i did was think about him. I went to see Parker for his birthday,I was going to tell him i still felt that way and that i would come home. We went out and he ignored me for most of the night. The next day he avoided me i had had it. I trapped him in a room and told him everything. He didn't look at me once. He told me he didn't love me, he had never loved me, he was just confused and he didn't look at me that way and he didn't trust me. I was shattered, him not loving me was one thing but him not trusting me was worse. I left and we didn't speak for two months. I intended never to speak to him again. My birthday came and i got a text from his brother "Happy birthday love Elliot and parker" I text Elliot back and was like "Dude dont wish me a happy birthday from Parker just to try n save his skin". I was having a tough time where i was living by this point and i had decided to go home. I was still speaking with Parkers mum and Brother as i had known them for 6/7 years and they were my friends too. I told Parkers mum i was coming home and she said "parker would love to see you, hes not been the same since you left" I was like, "im not sure, i left on pretty bad terms. She was like no its fine. So I went to his house for dinner with his mum n his sister. Parker came home from work, walked through the door gave me a hug. "i missed you" and said he was sorry. I saw every weekend after that. It was nice to have my best friend back. About a month after, we went out and he started kissing me and told me i was the only person who ever "made him feel himself". We went back to his house but we were both so drunk we fell asleep. I didn't see him for 2 weeks after that because of money but we spoke and everything was fine. The next time i saw him he was a bit different. He was kind of playful. Elliot fell asleep on the sofa and i laid on the floor with him just talking. He was like "shall we go to Elliot's room n go to sleep" i was like "yeah" not really thinking much of it. We got to Elliot's room and he started kissing me again. It was amazing he started to touch me and i was so nervous. We got to the point of intercourse and he was like "are you ok?" i was like "yes are you sure you want to do this?" He said he was sure. I knew he was a virgin so i wanted to make sure he was 100% on it. We made love, it was amazing. The next day he didn't speak to me much. I saw him the day after and he said "sorry, i was a bit freaked out with it all you know? as your my best friend and that was my first time" We had a chat and he told me he didn't want a relationship yet but he still wanted us to see each other. I didn't really understand but i was like ok he is 20 years old and has never been in a relationship it is a pretty big step. We made love a few times after each time as amazing as the last if not more so. I had waited nearly 3 years to be with parker and it was worth it. Then one day out of the blue about 3 weeks later he turned around and said "Im sorry i don't want to hurt your feelings but i think we should just be friends, i dont want to lose you and i don't want a relationship based on sex ( i understood that but it was a 6/7 year friendship first). I was heart broken as much as i tried to cover it. I said i didn't understand but there was nothing i could do about it. I went away for a few weeks and came back. He was so clingy. I went to Elliot's house and he was there. He said "hi can i get a hug?" so i gave him one. I asked if he was ok. He sat down on the floor and started telling me he was depressed and he hated his job. He asked me if i would move to the city and if i did could he come with me, then he asked if i would come back to his. I said yes not expecting anything to happen, I just knew Parker needed to talk about something. We got back to his and went to his room. He had a shower and when he came back he made a bed on the floor and said "i have work at 7am so i have to go to sleep" i was like " i can sleep downstairs if you like" he said "no please just stay there" so i slept in his bed. We didn't talk at all. He got up for work at 7am and didn't say good bye. I tried to talk to his mum about how he had been and i told her he has said he was depressed. She just kind of shrugged it off. We went out on Sunday. We had a good night but Parker was not himself. I went to the cash point and he came to look for me because i had been ages (it was bank holiday and the Que. was huge) We went clubbing, talked about the things we do, music and stuff then suddenly he just switched as the club was closing. We went outside and it was like he didn't know i was there. Elliot was sulking because the girl he liked had gone home with someone so Parker was like, "come on dude i will show you how its done" walked up to this girl and started chatting her up. I didn't say or do anything i just sat there. It was the first time i had ever seen Parker hit on a girl. I was devastated. Elliot and i went down the road and found parker talking to a school friend Elliot was like "are you ok" and Parker started a fight with him. In the end Elliot had to walk parker home. A few days later parker came round to Elliot's (i had started stopping with Elliot as parker and i.'s friendship became more convoluted) Parker was like "play music with me, why wont you play"i said "i told you i dont want to play music with you im sorry" he got really argumentative about this and a few other things which is not Parkers style. I wanted to explain to him that i didn't want to play music with him because it was an intimate thing between us and if were just supposed to be friends i don't want to open myself up that way. He started to chastise me about alot of stuff and he got worse as he n Elliot polished off a bottle of jager. His mum came to get him and he was still on my case. I turned around and went "Parker fuck off out my face i wont play with you ok? i told you why" he stormed out of Elliot's house. The next day Elliot gets a call saying Parker is having some kind of breakdown. I went home i text Parkers mum saying i was going home and to let parker know i wasn't mad with him and for him to call me when he felt up to it. A few days went by and i rang him and asked if he was ok and i said i would come and see him at the weekend. It got to Friday and he sent me a message saying "i wont be in this weekend im sorry" i was a bit upset because i wanted to clear stuff up. He came on msn and i tried to speak to him and he didn't reply so i just left it. I spoke to Elliot and he was like "i dont know whats going on, no one will tell me a thing but ive seen Parker and hes doing better". so a week later i called Elliot and Parker was there Elliot was like "you should talk to him" i was like"hi parker are you mad at me?" he was like "no i don't think so" (what kind of answer is that?) i was like "i would like to come n talk to you this weekend" and he was like "im busy" so i said "look if you dont want to see me then just tell me ok" he was like "no i just have some things to do" so i said "look, ring me when your free ok" knowing he had a full week off college this week. I logged onto facebook today and went to his profile, he had deleted everything, most of which were messages, pictures and comments from me.I was so upset my mum messaged his and was like"i don't mean to get involved but my daughter is distraught and she doesn't understand whats going on". Parkers mum emailed back saying she "tried to stay out of parker and kats business" and didn't really understand either but parker had been diagnosed with a condition he did not wish for her to discuss with anyone. she wished she could because it would explain some things. She said she missed me and really hoped i was ok and she would try and talk to Parker but it would be hard because of his condition. I don't know what im supposed to do because ive loved him for 3 years i promised i had his back and i would never judge him. But what can i do if he wont talk to me ? Elliot tells me i should keep trying and his mum said she wants to talk to me. But my friends keep telling me to walk away. Im so confused and i dont understand how its all gone so wrong . I REALY love this man and there is nothing he could have that would make me love him less. Im so shocked that he didn't tell me because im usually the first person to know whats wrong. Im also hurt that he would be so careless with my emotions knowing how Dave treated me. someone help!!

View related questions: best friend, clubbing, crush, depressed, drugs, drunk, facebook, kissing, money, moved in, msn, on holiday, text, trapped, violent

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A female reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (12 July 2009):

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