A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband spends about an hour a day on the phone with his 'aunt'. She is the same age as him (37) and lives in a beach house with several others. Think older flop house basically. They recently reconnected, and I found out they were talking so much because the phone bill skyrocketed. They've also been texting - about 700 texts a month! He was also lying completely about it, saying he had only talked to her once or twice, and if I asked a question about her to make conversation he would lie and claim he didn't know. In reality, these people had become his new best friends despite being over 1000 miles away. It isn't as if he's talkative. I recently had surgery, and other than him bringing me meals and drinks I didn't see him for three weeks. We were in the same house, but he stayed downstairs and I was stuck in bed. When I confronted him about lying, he said "I just didn't feel like talking about it." None of this makes any sense at all and I can't understand it. What's to lie about??? He's still basically ignoring me, but claims the novelty of talking to her has worn off and he's over it. Funny, the novelty wore off the day I found out. He even lied that day, saying he hadn't talked to them in a week, apparently not realizing I could see recent activity too. I told him I knew they had talked the day before, and he said "Oh, well not like we usually talk with everyone on speakerphone." What the hell is that? He's basically been on a party line with a house full of people and lying to me about it? Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. We don't have children together, and I make far more money than he does. In fact, for the last couple of years I've worked and he's stayed home.HELP!
View related questions:
best friend, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fellforit +, writes (14 January 2011):
Well, it's me - the original poster. His 'aunt' was really his ex-girlfriend. She does live 1000 miles away so they didn't sleep together, but they were on Facebook, texting, calling, sending pictures, etc. I caught him by looking on his cell phone when he finally left it laying around. I can't believe I fell for his lies!!! Now I'm at a total loss as to what to do. I do know he had basically stopped contacting her, but so what? Also, I called her husband and let him in on the whole thing. I sent him copies of the messages she had sent him on Facebook and the call and text logs for the last 6 months. He is now crying and saying she never meant anything, but I really don't think I'm going to get over all of the lies and deception.
Thoughts?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): I agree with cheeks. Why lie if there's nothing wrong going on?
...............................
A
male
reader, Tarly  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Either your just lonely and paranoid or his aunt may not really be his aunt. Try to worm as much info out of him that you can without getting into a big confrontation. Just keep monitoring the situation and if he stops let it drop. Tell him that you feel lonely and want some attention and if i comes down to it reignite that spark and get him in bed. My parents are about your age and despite the fact hat it creeps me out I know that they still have a healthy sex life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cheeks +, writes (18 July 2010):
 His aunt by blood or just by marraige? I've been through a similar situation where my man at the time was holding hours long conversations with a female daily & never once did any of their talks happen while I was in earshot. It's a crappy position to be in. For one, you can't really be "mad" at someone simply talking to another person- especailly a "relative". Yet it still feels disrepectful & looks shady. But you'll still be considered/accused of being "controlling" or just being "jealous" if you should ever ask them to stop. So your screwed from the gate because you don't want to end up looking like the jerk because (of course) "nothing obviously wrong" is being done. But you know better. Secondly, the mere fact that this first reason exsists cancels out the fact that he'll never make those calls infront of you. Although to me that's whole the problem, right? It wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't acting so secretive and/or defensive when confronted about it. Well, in my experience you can't win. If I would of had the upperhand (financially) while this type of thing was going on in my life I wouldn't have endured the years of wondering if I was just being overly sensitive or paranoid. And the years of feeling like the third wheel to him & the other end of the phone. You're lucky in that at least this woman lives far away. I had the lovely pleasure of having the bitch live 2 miles away. He's a dick. He thinks you're a sucker otherwise he wouldn't try to pull the wool over your eyes. If he can't reason with you about how it's making you feel then he's not reasonable & has no respect for you. I say quit supporting him, he's involved in an emotional affair with her whether he knows it or not. I hate to say this but they probably do talk about you on occation & the things the say wouldn't be fun to hear so thats part of the reason why the wimp hides downstairs to converse with his "aunt". I hope you kick his lame ass out & call her up yourself & tell her to come get him. It might not sound like it's that big of a deal but it is. He's purposely confusing you & belittling your feeling about the matter. He's failed @ being there for you while you were sick & now he's just straight up lying. It's only going to get worse. HE's a wimp big time & tell him I said so. And F*** her too. Good luck.
I apologize for letting my residual personal feeling get in there. But I can relate. Men! Idiots! Not all of them, just most of them.
...............................
|
